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Secrets, Lies, Baby Daddy & Child Support

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 3:12 PM
  • 20 Replies

Hello Ladies,

My name is Ashley & I have a one year old beautiful baby boy. My son's father was never apart of his life. When I was pregnant I was known as a secret. He would tell people I'm lying & that he has nothing to do with this situation of ours. I never met his parents. To my knowing from him they were 'aware" but didn't care. When my son turned one I filed for child support for the truth to be known. Once he was served I got a phone call of his mother in tears. All I was told was a lie. She had no knowledge of my son Adrian. Now that the cats out of the bag theres no where to hide. His parents come to see him once a week. I also found out him & his girlfriend that he's been with since I was pregnant had his duaghter and they were full aware of her. This siutation has got even more crazy. I recieved a phone call last night and he is willing to meet me to discuss everything as far as court goes. Then I started recieving text messages about him wanting to be part of Adrians life. It gets me mad that now that everyone is clear that my son his really his & his parents know that NOW he's wants to be part of his life. Everything I do is for the best for my son. How do you think I should go about this situation? Would it be good for Adrian? I try to always have the answers that do great for my son but i'm finding myself very stuck, lost & confused. Any advice?

by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 3:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 3:15 PM
2 moms liked this
Let them be apart of your child life. It isn't his fault or Thr parents that this man is a lair.

You wanted people to know sooner you should have spoken up.
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ash630
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 3:18 PM

I do let the parents apart of it. But should I chance the father too? He didnt care before and I feel he's only caring bc of his parents.

mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 4:09 PM
2 moms liked this

I'd say supervised visits with his baby. I wouldn't leave him alone or let him take his son overnight. Sounds like the grandparents didn't know and they want to be in your son's life even if their son was a dick.

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 4:14 PM
This. And get a court order giving you custody with a visitation schedule in case he decides to take off with baby or do something stupid. CYA


Quoting mamalena137:

I'd say supervised visits with his baby. I wouldn't leave him alone or let him take his son overnight. Sounds like the grandparents didn't know and they want to be in your son's life even if their son was a dick.


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Mocking.Jay
by ★Krista★ on Aug. 30, 2012 at 4:20 PM

Honestly, I wouldn't even respond to ANYONE. In fact, I wouldn't communicate back as long as it meant I could get away with not having the father involved.

My situation is different. I'm not obligated to communicate with my son's father, and sadly, he doesn't even attempt to so it's my son who really suffers.

But let the dad be involved IF HE WANTS TO. Do NOT go out of your way, he will slack off completely as most guys do. It's better to assume he's gonna slack off instead of think he won't be "one of THOSE guys" who don't. In the end, if he disappears from your son's life, you won't be disappointed.

sserts
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I would let him be apart of his life. Your child deserves to know all of his family and especially to have a relationship with his father. But don't give in to the sweet talk. Still take him to court. Get the child support set in place because you can't gurantee how he may act tomorrow but at least you know your son is going to be taken care of with out the hassle.

ssenter
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 10:19 PM

I would get custody stating you have full custody and he gets supervised visit and you can put a stipulation in the paperwork that states after a year or two you are willing to revisit visitation after there has been substantial improvement on the fathers end.

But here is my situation so you know I have been there My son's father said Ben(my son) wasn't his. Then he had nothing to do with my son for 6 months. child support papers were severed at one month and he started paying and didn't end up disputing or asking for a dna sample. After his 6 month disapperence he called and we talk he admitted to his mistakes and for the 5 months following he called or skyped daily. Then at 4 months in he begged me to give him another chance and to move in with him and stay home with our son so out son can have both parents. I contemplated visited his home found out all the laws of his state and federal laws and then made the move. We are now 4 months in and my son loves seeing his daddy every day, and I love being able to be home with him daily. Now my sons father was never abusive physically he was just distant and and emotionally withdrawn so if he was ever abusive do not do what I did but if he was immature and inconsiderate and just not there because he was a selfish a** then maybe you should consider doing the first thing and see how your son reacts to him. Also as an FYI I grew up in a single parent home and because of that I have tons of trust issues and I didn't want that for Ben so I made this sacrifice for my son.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Aug. 30, 2012 at 10:44 PM

Welcome!!

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:15 PM
Welcome to the group do everything through the courts food luck!
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golfmama83
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 9:20 AM

I agree with sserts's advice below... though like mocking.jay said, don't have high expectations. Always, always go through the court/legal system!

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, except I know that my daughter's bio dad has NOT told a soul - his parents, new g/f, or any friends. I'm hoping that once he's served with child support paperwork, he'll grow up enough to take responsibility. But I want my daughter to have as much family in her life as possible, even if it's just his parents and not him.

Good luck!

Quoting sserts:

I would let him be apart of his life. Your child deserves to know all of his family and especially to have a relationship with his father. But don't give in to the sweet talk. Still take him to court. Get the child support set in place because you can't gurantee how he may act tomorrow but at least you know your son is going to be taken care of with out the hassle.


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