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Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!

Posted by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 9:19 AM
  • 14 Replies
Hello,

My husband and I have been separated for 1 1/2 years. We have 2 little girls whom live with me and see him once a week. I finally have the finances to go to an attorney and finalize our divorce. I'm meeting with the attorney tomorrow and am a bit nervous. I want to make sure I get custody of my kids as they have always been with me. I have maintained a good relationship with his family and feel it is important

that my girls grow up knowing all of their family, not just my side. My ex see's them once a week, but flakes a lot. He sends me 100 - 200 dollars when he feels like it (usually once a month) which doesn't cover much especially because I live in Ca and everything is so darn expensive. I was a stay at home mom, so I'm trying to get back on my feet. My ex sold my car once I left to get himself a new truck and refused to move because in his eyes everything was his since he was the sole provider. We married very young... I mean I was young he's 10 yrs older than me, and we agreed that I would stay home with our kids. Money was tight and I wasn't allowed to spend any of it so I started taking night classes to be able to find a good job and help with bills. He became super suspicious and controlling once I started standing up to him. Turns out that he had a girlfriend for a year before we split. That must have been why he became so controlling. Anyways, I work for my family's business now (which I'm super gratful for because my schedule is flexible and the girls can be in the office with me while I work), and am in school working on getting a degree. My girls are my everything and I am afraid of not having them as much as I do now once I file all the paperwork. Can you ladies give me some advice as to what I should expect when I go see the attorney? Also, what are the things I should make sure I ask the attorney to do? Thanks in advance. :)
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by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 9:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
easinpc
by Gold Member on Sep. 4, 2012 at 10:49 AM

Have you been documenting everything so far?  Like when he's suppose to have them, when he doesn't show up, etc? If not I would start now.  As far as the schedule I would just tell the attorney what you want and how its been and have him propose that as the custody agreement.  Good luck!

FLC
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 12:38 PM
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gabrielat
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 1:18 PM

I don't know much about this but I would say you should document that he flakes on seeing your girls. Also try to get proof that he had a girlfriend while you were married and that he was controlling. Documintation and proof that he was the way he was && what he is doing is probably the most important thing to make yourself look the best. Also get documentation that he barely sends you money for the girls. That'll make him look bad that he's flaking and barely giving money. Good luck. I hope I helped a little bit. 


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FLC
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you! Every reply is helpful. I have been writing everything down and keep record of every time he sends me a check. I also have kept all the mean and nasty text messages he has sent me. What Do you ladies think about alimony? Should I go after it ?
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FLC
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 1:31 PM
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FLC
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 3:43 PM
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Sep. 4, 2012 at 6:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Is he asking for more time? In Cali, he will get it I'd be fights for it unless he's got documented criminal history.
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4safekids
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 7:10 PM

Money is not worth it - child support makes fathers control freaks and paying it eats away at them, so they do things to get back - and you will be forced to hand over your children for extended visitations - if he decides to request more parenting time to reduce the amount of child support paid or even 50/50 joint custody - but child support and parent guidelines are  determined by each state....  the courts make poor decisions and try too hard to make things "equal" for dads - whether they pay support or not - avoid the courts if possible and continue to provide a secure environment... Unless you are willing to give up half the holidays, 1/2 of Xmas break and spring break, and several full weeks in the summer - avoid going to court..... good luck

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2012 at 7:18 PM
1 mom liked this
CA is a no fault state meaning an affair won't matter... they use irreconcilable differences for everything. I would document every time he sees the kids and for how long. Also if he cancels, document how much notice was given or if he just flaked. The state requires mediation for visitation/ custody. They will try to force you to agree... if u don't then do not sign anything. If you reach agreement then awesome... just don't agree to 50/50 and then him not show. You will end up having to go back to court.
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FLC
by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 9:47 PM
Thank you conniejo75
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