Dating men without kids...is it possible to make it work?
I am 30, divorced and a mother of two (4yo girl and 6yo boy). My ex husband and I have 50/50 custody. I have been dating a wonderful man for about 2 months now. He is 35, never been married, has no kids and I am the first single mom he has dated. Very early on we talked about what we wanted from a relationship. He said he has always wanted a family of his own but realizes the older he gets the more difficult it becomes to find a suitable partner who wants to have a family but doesn't have any kids yet. His last serious relationship lasted 5 years and the woman did not have any desire to get married or have children. He said he didn't want to rule out a potentially rewarding relationship with a woman just because she has kids and may or may not want more children and he was fine with being a part of a child's life even if they were his step-kids. I explained that if I remarried, having a child with my new husband is not out of the question. I also told him I was looking for a man who can support me emotionally, form a loving relationship with my kids and be a role model but I do not expect him to come in and take over being their father. I thought we were on the same page about this issue and things were going really well. He met my kids once during a very casual outing to a park and it couldn't have gone better! They took up with him so well and had a blast! He sat and talked with my daughter who had a broken leg at the time and couldn't really do very much and he took my son down to the lake to do "boy stuff". He was really great and before leaving he expressed how enjoyable it was and it gave him yet another reason to want to date me. Well, recently I felt he was pulling back a little and I asked him what was wrong. He explained he was dealing with some issues about being in a serious relationship with someone who has kids, that if we were going to continue the relationship he needed to be 100% sure he was ok with stepping in to a ready-made family and he needed some time to figure out what he really wants. I am leaving for vacation today and I asked if he wanted to hold off on seeing me for a while. He said he didn't, that he wants to see me when I get back and we would talk about it more.
I am very glad he takes this relationship seriously and wants to make sure he can give me and my kids what we need and deserve but now I am feeling extremely vulnerable. I thought we were already "cleared for take-off" in that department and this really threw me for a loop. Is anyone else in a relationship with a man who doesn't have kids? Or who has a child with you and you have a child/children from a previous relationship? I plan on giving my guy space and time to think but is there any other advice you would have? Any way to ease his fears and take some of the pressure off?