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Need advice, about domestic violence, leaving the state and taking your kids w/you.

Posted by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 7:53 AM
  • 7 Replies

Good morning ladies.

I will try to explain my situation in a few words.

I've suffered from domestic violence for the past 6 years.I have always been a working mom, no drugs, no alcohol, no parties, went to college, and most of all a good mom and my daughter says that she always wants to stay with me.

 I have decided to take my daughter and leave the house. Husband knows but since he is emotionally unestable and an alcoholic one day he says "get out of my house", the next day he says "take our baby" and then the other day he says "you won't take her, I will take her with me".

We live in the same state at the moment, have been here for 3 years. He is in the military, he Might get his orders to move next summer, we don't know where yet.

He says he will take my daughter with him and I can find a place to live somewhere else. He says I can't provide so I can't take my daughter.

My sister lives in Florida, we have made a plan, I want to move with her (she has a nice house they are wealthy people ) just for a couple months, then with my savings get a place to stay and find a job. With the help of God I am sure it will work out.

But my husband says that he won't let me go because he doesnt want my daughter to be a guest and that she needs her own tv?? yes, that's what he said.

So here I am, wondering what can I do. I am so scared that he will try to take my daughter next summer, I dont want to start the divorce process here because I will have to stay here for two more years and I have no fmily nothing here in VA.

So please can anyone tell me what to do? anything will help. Now I was thinking, he verbally abuses me every day and night and most of the time he is drunk, so next time I was going to call the police and actually get them to arrest him, that way I can say hey I don't  feel safe here so I will grab my car and leave. would that be ok? help!!!

by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 7:53 AM
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Replies (1-7):
Shaybay218
by Shayla on Sep. 10, 2012 at 7:59 AM

If he's military i'd go to his commander...they don't play that...if it's that bad u gotta do what u gotta do regardless if u want to or not...imo

solomommaof3
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 9:35 AM
1 mom liked this
My ex is also military, and he was arrested twice by the local civilian police department for domestic violence. Try going to family advocacy and talking to a counselor (the are usually civilian), and tell them what is going on. They were able to help me leave my ex on ERD orders while we were living in Japan. Paid for us to relocate back to the states, and because we were still married I was given BAH based on the zip code I was moving to.
ame4c
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:01 PM
You need to fill yourself with knowledge. Talk with the local womans shelter, they will help you even if you are not staying in it. Also talk to a lawyer. Most layers will speak to you for free for the 1st concultation. If you have more questions talk to different lawyers. This is very very important, because the decisions you make from here can make it easy for him to take your child. Until divorce is filed, do NOT allow this man to take your child alone. Offer to meet him in public places for visitation if you have too, but dont let him take her. Why? Because who ever has physical custody of the child at the time of filing will have custody until the courts determine otherwise. Divorces can be drug out for years and this can be a very long time to not see your kids.

It is really important that you learn your rights now. This will help not only ease your mind, but will keep your soon to be x from intemidating you by telling you he's going to run off with your kids. Know your rights! In some states you have to have permission from the bio parent before you can move out of state. So talk to a lawyer NOW.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:47 PM
Contact a local dv shelter they will help you get out now don't wait
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lnrmom
by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 10:09 AM

I grabbed my kids and left. I asked my ex-husband where in all the fifty states he'd never move to, he said Texas, I moved to Texas two weeks later.

FloryClarissa
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 10:35 AM

there is a familiy advocacy program here on base, should I use it or one outside base. ?

heratyc
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 11:47 AM

You and I are so much alike, my (soon to be) ex would go back and forth between "take her and go" and "I'll kill you if you take her", so as soon as I was able, I packed her up and got out, it's been over a year and we have yet to hear from him at all, and in the situation we're in I dont think we will, we're in a safe place.  My advice would be to get as much info from the other ex-military wives, and get somewhere safe as soon as you can. Hugs to you!

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