Hello,
I have to start out by giving a bit of background information leading up to the birth of my daughter this past june. I have known my daughters father since June 2004 off and on but never dated.. We hooked up once in October of 2011 where the condom broke and the next day I got Next Choice pill. Apparently it didnt work and I found out I was pregnant in November. I contacted the father and he was nothing nice to me and he ignored me from then on I guess hoping that I would have an abortion and go away. I couldn't have an abortion cause I felt my child was meant to be here and now that she is here I wouldnt have it any other way. Well he contacted me in February 2012 and apologized and asked me if he could take me to my upcoming appointment. The next day he flipped the script saying he doesnt think he should go to any appointments and how its his life too and that he wanted a DNA test. I didnt have a problem with DNA cause he was the only person I had been with. He started accusing me of sleeping around and saying a bunch of mean stuff so I stopped talking to him. I spent the next 4 months alone in my pregnancy. 27 days before she was born he reached out to me again on twitter. I was nice to him cause I just wanted to avoid drama and he came to my moms house apologized to me saying he new it was his child all along he was just being a jerk. He told his parents and they invited me to dinner and bought the baby gifts. Everything was going well. He even came to my house to spend the day with me 2 days before she was born. I explained to him that I had plans to move to Florida after the baby was born and asked how he felt. He said he would come visit and he wanted what was best for me. Keep in mind I never wanted to date him or told him that I wanted to be with him. He is not even on my radar or my level. He on the other hand has called me his last name, told me he loved me, and asked me out on a few dates. We had the agreement that as long as he provided for Caira and was in her life that there was no need for child support but if he didnt keep his word then I wouldn't have any other choice. So he was there with me in the hospital when Caira was born and he signed the affidavit of parentage without a DNA test ( she did come out looking just like him). Fast forward to last month everything was going good he would call and check on the baby and visit her when he wasnt with his other daughter (another story). Then it all stopped I hadnt heard from him in 2 days so I asked him was everything ok and he got mad at me for asking. He came over to see the baby later that day and was very cold to me not even acknowleding my presence so I asked him why does there seem to be a problem and I got a little choked up and teary eyed when I asked. ( I am still emotional being a new mom) he laughed in my face and i got mad and walked out slamming the door behind me, i came back 2 min later and he put the baby down and said he didnt want to talk to me anymore and he left. He went home and started posting nasty things about me on facebook and twitter and we didnt talk at all until. 4 days later he invited me to the movies which we had planned when things were going good. I went of course cause I really needed to get out the house. The "date" was awkward since the last time we talked had been 4 days prior. The next day which was Aug 18 he came over to see caira and also told me that he had ordered some diapers, wipes, and formula in bulk for her. ( we never got anything) that was the last time he saw her. On the 21st of Aug he asked if he could come over and I said yes and waited 2 hours and he never showed. When I questioned him he got smart with me and told me "I dont care if he hasnt seen her she is to young to need him everyday unlike his other dauhter and he doesnt want to be around my sensitive azz so he stays away, I already knew what it was when I decided to have her." I then blocked him from all contact except my email. A week later he emailed me asking to see my daughter and I of course said yes what time are you coming over. He said he wanted to come pick her up and take her for a few hours. I told him no because I didnt feel comfortable with that. My daughter is only 2 months and he lives around the corner and has only seen her 8 times. At this point he hasnt seen her in a month. She doesnt know him and she has allergies and health issues he is unaware of. He doesnt have a stable home since his parents kicked him out and he smokes weed and drinks. He got mad and said " you mothers have some nerve I should have never came around and said anything to you. Im not gonna do my part if I cant get her. I shouldnt have to come to your house to see her and if i cant pick her up then she wont know her dad and it wont her me when she gets older its gonna hurt you and her."
I don't think I am wrong for wanting him to come to my house. My dad could be here or I could be here but I think he is trying to avoid me. Which is a sorry excuse. Since she has been born he has bought her ONE box of diapers and ONE box of formula and she cant drink that cause she has an allergy. I put moving to Florida on hold for a year to see where things went with him in her life as well as his parents. I don't regret staying in MD but I did give up a government job in Orlando to stay here. I provide everything for my daughter. Clothes, food, Health care, day care, love and anything else you can think of. I work for the government here in MD also. So I have a stable career and a stable home. I have lived in Florida before and have lots of family down there. I think its a better environment with a lower cost of living and giving me a chance to buy another home and get a promotion within the government. I want to file for sole physical and legal custody with visitation stipulations that he has to come to my house and that when I move he has to come wherever I live. The last thing that transpired between us is the reason I want to go the legal route. I posted a comment on a social network saying "i hope your daughters dont grow up and meet a boy like you " a mutual friend of ours decided to stir up drama and sent it to him and he sent this message to me..This is verbatim:
"First of all dont ever talk about my other f*ckin daughter at all if u wanna talk sh*t then just talk about the baby i gave ya a** like a f*ckin dummy......how bout this i pray to god that my son dont grow up and meet a random ugly, lonely, lame a** wanting to have a baby by a (boy) since thats wat u callin me so bad for no f*ckin reason havin a**. I swear on my mom dawn idgaf ( I don't give a f*ck) about you on some real sh*t......me getting you prego was the best thing that ever happened to you and dont you forget that sh*t.....always f*ckin remember that i never wanted you to have caira in the first f*ckin place so dont act like this is wat i wanted and that im doin something so wrong cuz if its anybody doing somethin wrong its you and you by not letting me see caira unless i come over there.....but o well if thats wat u want than that sucks cuz i dont gaf and u wont catch me gettin mad or goin crazy about not seeing her cuz it aint my fault its goin be on u"
So If I had my way I don't want him in my life at all but I will never deny him the right to see his child but I want it on my terms and I should be able to move away if a better opportunity is out there. At the end of the day I want a better life for me and my child and since i am sole provider. I just don't want him to try to fight me out of spite. That is the only reason that I haven't done anything yet. I am planning on speaking to a lawyer next week.
Definitely keep the stuff he said. I am going through a divorce and was told by my lawyer that the longer I can keep the chain of custody unbroken by not having the kids sleep at their dad's, the better chances I have at sole custody with visitation on my terms, however, if my hubby didn't agree then there was a basic visitation schedule we would probably have to go to which included one night a week, every other weekend, and every other holiday plus two weeks in the summer for him. He said that if I could hold on until the 6 month mark with unbroken chain of custody the judge would most likely give me what I wanted. As it is, my hubby doesn't want any visitation anyway, whenever he pleases which isn't often, so I am good with that. Good luck. Sounds like this guy is a real jerk. :(
Thanks girl...my daughter is only 2 months I dont know a judge in their right mind that would let my child go with someone for a coupe of hours or overnight that has only seen her a handful of times and never wanted her to begin with. I could be wrong tho.
prayers for all involved..
- Cairasmom629
on Sep. 20, 2012 at 10:03 PM