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Finding time for yourself.

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With my 9mo son's father barely in the picture, I have him all the time. I'm sure there may be some other ladies like this on here. I work a few nights a week as a server and my mother or my best friend watches him during my shifts. Even though I'm getting time away from baby, it's still not great because I'm still "at work". I want a little time to myself. A girls night or a dinner out or even bowling. But I don't have anyone else that can babysit and I would feel bad asking my mom or friend to babysit another time. Any advice?
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:30 PM
Replies (11-20):
strongerwtime
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 8:38 PM

girl...you may have to ask momma put in a little overtime to get that extra time...she can say no...but its worth putting it out there that its a need and remind them how much you appreciate their help. So butter up a little extra the next week or so and then hit em with the "Hey, you mind if I take 2 hours to get myself together and go out"...and be sure that whatever time you say you will be back..come right back. 

PaperClip811
by Silver Member on Sep. 25, 2012 at 8:50 PM

whoa.. put the claws up, kitty. you said you understand the want, but you also said the responsibility of parenting means you "more or less give up 'me time'" I simply disagree. For some, this is true, either by choice or circumstance... but I don't think it has to be the way that it is. That's all I was saying. I dont want OP to feel like "tough titties, you're a mom now, no 'me time' for you except the drive to work and a pint of icecream after 9pm". 

She obviously has enough guilt wanting to ask her mom and/or friend to watch the kid a little extra, I just dont want her to have mommy-guilt on top of it. I think people deserve time to themselves to be themselves, and having children doesnt negate that... that's all. :o)

Quoting AlilKittyKat:

I never said you lost your identity because you are a mom. Did you not read that i understand the want for getting out, and that we can all use it for our sanity?  My point was that when we become parents we take on the responsibility of being a parent, that usually means we don't have the opportunity to go and hang out as much as we would like.  I've been a mom since i was 15yo, i lost my entire teen years and i don't regret it one bit. I take pride in being a parent to my children and if that means i don't get to go out all the time, then so be it, but that does not mean that I've given up my identity at all.  

Quoting PaperClip811:

Couldnt disagree more. Yes you give up some of that when you become a Mom, obviously priorities change and what not. but, Im still me, and I still want and need time to be that same person. I'm not willing to give up all facets of myself and I dont think anyone should have to. If you want to, then by all means, lose all identity aside from 'mommy'-- but it's not for me.  

Quoting AlilKittyKat:

Unfortunately, when you take on the responsibility of becoming a parent you have more or less given up that 'me time'.  I have 3 kids and have been on my own for 5+ years, i can count on my hands how many times I've had 'me time'.  My older children are plenty old enough to watch themselves and their younger sister, but i still feel that it's not right to leave them that responsibility, unless it's to run to the store, parent teacher conference or something like that.  

Of course i understand your want for getting out, we can all use it for our sanity, but that 'me time' for me is when my kids go to bed. 




AlilKittyKat
by Member on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:03 PM

No claws are up, different strokes for different folks, right.  Being a single parent is not easy (any which way you look at it) we all make sacrifices for our family one way or another.  Not everyone has the extra help available, i haven't had much of it myself.  Maybe i have the mommy-guilt and that's why i choose not to ask others to watch my children.  That's my just my opinion, I'm not trying to be bitchy at all, so please don't take it that way.. 

Quoting PaperClip811:

whoa.. put the claws up, kitty. you said you understand the want, but you also said the responsibility of parenting means you "more or less give up 'me time'" I simply disagree. For some, this is true, either by choice or circumstance... but I don't think it has to be the way that it is. That's all I was saying. I dont want OP to feel like "tough titties, you're a mom now, no 'me time' for you except the drive to work and a pint of icecream after 9pm". 

She obviously has enough guilt wanting to ask her mom and/or friend to watch the kid a little extra, I just dont want her to have mommy-guilt on top of it. I think people deserve time to themselves to be themselves, and having children doesnt negate that... that's all. :o)

Quoting AlilKittyKat:

I never said you lost your identity because you are a mom. Did you not read that i understand the want for getting out, and that we can all use it for our sanity?  My point was that when we become parents we take on the responsibility of being a parent, that usually means we don't have the opportunity to go and hang out as much as we would like.  I've been a mom since i was 15yo, i lost my entire teen years and i don't regret it one bit. I take pride in being a parent to my children and if that means i don't get to go out all the time, then so be it, but that does not mean that I've given up my identity at all.  

Quoting PaperClip811:

Couldnt disagree more. Yes you give up some of that when you become a Mom, obviously priorities change and what not. but, Im still me, and I still want and need time to be that same person. I'm not willing to give up all facets of myself and I dont think anyone should have to. If you want to, then by all means, lose all identity aside from 'mommy'-- but it's not for me.  

Quoting AlilKittyKat:

Unfortunately, when you take on the responsibility of becoming a parent you have more or less given up that 'me time'.  I have 3 kids and have been on my own for 5+ years, i can count on my hands how many times I've had 'me time'.  My older children are plenty old enough to watch themselves and their younger sister, but i still feel that it's not right to leave them that responsibility, unless it's to run to the store, parent teacher conference or something like that.  

Of course i understand your want for getting out, we can all use it for our sanity, but that 'me time' for me is when my kids go to bed. 





TinaCrystal
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:39 PM
I'm in the same position its hard
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MommyBri7
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:00 PM
Well I couldn't afford my apartment anymore and my mother immediately offered to have me move in. I have a 10 and 12 year old brother and sister so I am here when they get home from school which she likes. I normally do some laundry and dishes and pick up as much as baby will allow me to. I guess I do feel a bit guilty asking her because she already does so much for me watchin him while I work and I feel it may be too much. But I am going to take the advice to try and talk to her about working something out because I'm going a little crazy.
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Barblicious
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 6:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Ah, I understand how you are feeling. Truth is you are helping your mother because 10 & 12 is a hard time to be home alone. I am sure you do a lot to contribute to the household. 

I'm nearly 40, and my mom is 65, it is a lot of work for her to watch my nearly 3 year old but, the few times I call in the favor, she truly does enjoy it. I still feel guilty for wearing out my mom, but some times you do need a chance to be YOU, and not 'mummy'. 

Even a few hours to yourself can be a great regeneration. You need it. You need time alone without your child to make yourself at peace in your soul, because that makes you a better mother - a less stressed mother is a better mother.

All us mothers need that break to have a moment to ourselves. To get out with our girlfriends and go dancing, or gawd forbid go on a date (LOL!) or just a few hours to get our hair done, or nails done, or just 30 minutes to sit alone having a coffee and enjoying the silence. :) Do not ever feel bad for having needs of your own, just because you are a mother - you are still first and foremost a human being.

Quoting MommyBri7:

Well I couldn't afford my apartment anymore and my mother immediately offered to have me move in. I have a 10 and 12 year old brother and sister so I am here when they get home from school which she likes. I normally do some laundry and dishes and pick up as much as baby will allow me to. I guess I do feel a bit guilty asking her because she already does so much for me watchin him while I work and I feel it may be too much. But I am going to take the advice to try and talk to her about working something out because I'm going a little crazy.


mom2four518
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Very nicely put. I used to feel bad about asking my mom to watch my kids but afterwards I was a less stressed mom and could better handle all that comes with children. My kids are now older and while I do feel guilty leaving them to go have dinner with the girls I usually order them pizza so they have a special treat as well. For all of us it is a necessity.

Quoting Barblicious:

Ah, I understand how you are feeling. Truth is you are helping your mother because 10 & 12 is a hard time to be home alone. I am sure you do a lot to contribute to the household. 

I'm nearly 40, and my mom is 65, it is a lot of work for her to watch my nearly 3 year old but, the few times I call in the favor, she truly does enjoy it. I still feel guilty for wearing out my mom, but some times you do need a chance to be YOU, and not 'mummy'. 

Even a few hours to yourself can be a great regeneration. You need it. You need time alone without your child to make yourself at peace in your soul, because that makes you a better mother - a less stressed mother is a better mother.

All us mothers need that break to have a moment to ourselves. To get out with our girlfriends and go dancing, or gawd forbid go on a date (LOL!) or just a few hours to get our hair done, or nails done, or just 30 minutes to sit alone having a coffee and enjoying the silence. :) Do not ever feel bad for having needs of your own, just because you are a mother - you are still first and foremost a human being.


Quoting MommyBri7:

Well I couldn't afford my apartment anymore and my mother immediately offered to have me move in. I have a 10 and 12 year old brother and sister so I am here when they get home from school which she likes. I normally do some laundry and dishes and pick up as much as baby will allow me to. I guess I do feel a bit guilty asking her because she already does so much for me watchin him while I work and I feel it may be too much. But I am going to take the advice to try and talk to her about working something out because I'm going a little crazy.


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miss_AP
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 10:35 AM

I use my family and friends a lot. Occasionally I hire the pastor's daughter for an evening. I'm lucky because I have built-in me time every other weekend while they are with their dad. But for the times he's not and all the times while we were married where I had no help from him that's what I did. Now when I feel like i need more, I usually do something over at hte house after bed. My girls are in bed by 8, so I"ll have a couple girl friends come over with a bottle of wine and cheesecake and we just chat, or watch a movie. 

Barblicious
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this

My girlfriends were great about that too, they would come hang out at my house, while my daughter was a sleep. It was nice to have adult conversations after a day spent raising an infant. We always did cheesecake too. :-)


Quoting miss_AP:

I use my family and friends a lot. Occasionally I hire the pastor's daughter for an evening. I'm lucky because I have built-in me time every other weekend while they are with their dad. But for the times he's not and all the times while we were married where I had no help from him that's what I did. Now when I feel like i need more, I usually do something over at hte house after bed. My girls are in bed by 8, so I"ll have a couple girl friends come over with a bottle of wine and cheesecake and we just chat, or watch a movie. 


kristiansmommy1
by Bronze Member on Sep. 27, 2012 at 2:16 PM
Does he sleep all night? My dad used to let me put the baby monitor in their room if I wanted to go out with my brother and sister sometimes (like to the beach or out to eat) when my son was sleeping when i lived there. My mom on the other hand felt it was my fault. For leaving my husband even tho he was abusive so I shouldn't get time to myself. Thank god for my dad, he saved my sanity :D but maybe she would watch him while he was sleeping so you could just get some time to yourself?
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