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Dad not following court order. What should I do? *UPDATE*

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 7:02 AM
  • 23 Replies

Custody for DS was set by a judge and written on a PPO. My ex is supposed to arrange for visits by email 24 to 48 hours in advance for every other weekend. He doesn't follow the schedule and his new thing is to talk to DS about it during their phone time, instead of contact me. DS is only 7 and I told him to tell ex he needs to contact mommy. He never does. Instead he tries to get DS to agree to visitation. What should I do if/when he does this on a weekend where he could see him? He's supposed to tell me what day in advance, or give me a schedule. He isn't.

UPDATE: So a cop showed up at my door yesterday asking me if I knew ex was at the police station waiting for DS to come. I told him what was up and he said I was doing the right thing. Ex lived out of state when the PPO was filed, don't know if he does now but who would come to visit without confirming first? I even sent him an email on Wednesday telling him next visitaiton was next weekend. Now he's saying "my attorney told him it was once a month" and I should have been listening to DS conversation with him to know he was coming. Thanks for your posts. It really helped!

by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 7:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
strongerwtime
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 8:27 AM
1 mom liked this

sounds like you may want to get on the phone and tell him yourself because no conversation like this should even come through your son like you said.  If he isnt following the order you DO have legal rights to say no.  You may have to do this for him to get that your are serious about this. YOur son may not understand the decision at first but this is why your ex choses to use your son in this way..he knows that if he gets YOUR SON to agree, you will be more reluctant to say no it cant happen.  am I right?  Dad needs to commit to the order and giving you heads up /schedule.  

strongerwtime
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 8:28 AM

the order backs YOU up here. Use it.

tyfry7496
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this
You get on the phone and tell him that the conversation is inappropriate for a 7 year old. Remind him what the order says and that if he doesn't follow it then he forfeits his visitation for that time. The order backs you up.
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Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:19 AM
It puts your child in a very bad situation to play go between for his parents- because he loves you both and doesn't want to hurt either of you. Whether or not dad does the right thing for your son should not influence how you react. So, step up and make the best choice for your son and stop trying to make your son message boy.

Talk to dad, email him, send a certified letter, whatever YOU have to do to get the point across to dad that you will not allow him to try to sidestep the order anymore. Let him know that you will not tolerate him misusing your son like he's doing. Let him know he can email or text his request if he doesn't want to talk to you but it must come thru you or it won't happen. Step up and be your son's advocate. :-)
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:48 PM
I wouldn't require him to adhere to timing as long as it didn't inconvenience me but I would speak to him civilly and ask him to let YOU know instead of arguing or barkin orders.
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mommynac
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 9:41 PM

Thanks. I can't get on the phone because it violates the PPO. Maybe I need to send him one more email and if he doesn't stop, have my attorney do it.

Quoting strongerwtime:

sounds like you may want to get on the phone and tell him yourself because no conversation like this should even come through your son like you said.  If he isnt following the order you DO have legal rights to say no.  You may have to do this for him to get that your are serious about this. YOur son may not understand the decision at first but this is why your ex choses to use your son in this way..he knows that if he gets YOUR SON to agree, you will be more reluctant to say no it cant happen.  am I right?  Dad needs to commit to the order and giving you heads up /schedule.  


mommynac
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 9:43 PM

Thanks! Can't get on the phone, but I can send an email. I also am going to have DS tell dad he has to get off the phone and hang up if it happens again.

Quoting tyfry7496:

You get on the phone and tell him that the conversation is inappropriate for a 7 year old. Remind him what the order says and that if he doesn't follow it then he forfeits his visitation for that time. The order backs you up.


Cpdsptchgrl
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 9:44 PM
You simply do NOT allow it. I'm guessing the PPO says no third party contact. So if he is going thru your son he is in violation. If it doesn't come to you following the terms then you don't allow it and contract your attorney. If he's telling your son to tell you ANYTHING (even if its arranging for visits) and the PPO states no third party contact you call the police immediately to file a report and then you contact your attorney.
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Cpdsptchgrl
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 9:46 PM
Make absolutely certain that you adhere to the PPO by the letter. What many don't understand is that if the protected party initiates contact that the PPO says can't be had that they can and often are charged with violation of a protection order. So many think the orders only apply to the restrained party when in fact they go both ways.


Quoting mommynac:

Thanks. I can't get on the phone because it violates the PPO. Maybe I need to send him one more email and if he doesn't stop, have my attorney do it.


Quoting strongerwtime:


sounds like you may want to get on the phone and tell him yourself because no conversation like this should even come through your son like you said.  If he isnt following the order you DO have legal rights to say no.  You may have to do this for him to get that your are serious about this. YOur son may not understand the decision at first but this is why your ex choses to use your son in this way..he knows that if he gets YOUR SON to agree, you will be more reluctant to say no it cant happen.  am I right?  Dad needs to commit to the order and giving you heads up /schedule.  




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mommynac
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 9:47 PM

I get what you're saying, but I'm not interested in making my son the message boy. I just told DS if ex brings up visitation, and asks inappropriate things about it, that he needs something he can say to ex to get him to stop for DS sake, not mine. Now I'm just going to tell him if he's uncomfortable he has my permission to hang up. I can't talk to dad because of the PPO. But I can email him.

Quoting Andrewsmom70:

It puts your child in a very bad situation to play go between for his parents- because he loves you both and doesn't want to hurt either of you. Whether or not dad does the right thing for your son should not influence how you react. So, step up and make the best choice for your son and stop trying to make your son message boy.

Talk to dad, email him, send a certified letter, whatever YOU have to do to get the point across to dad that you will not allow him to try to sidestep the order anymore. Let him know that you will not tolerate him misusing your son like he's doing. Let him know he can email or text his request if he doesn't want to talk to you but it must come thru you or it won't happen. Step up and be your son's advocate. :-)


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