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If your BD has dated but you haven't yet...

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 5:16 AM
  • 30 Replies
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Do you feel embarassed? Or like a "left-behind loser"? (that's how my brother is describing himself) I haven't dated yet not because I am heartbroken or anything I've just really not been interested and with an uninvolved BD i've raised my kids completely solo. They were also born at 28 wks so I have had many medical worries to deal with. I don't particulary care what it looks like but my brother (the heartbroken one) says he's embarassed his wife is dating and he isn't. Thoughts on this? He thinks it sends BD "avaliable" signals despite me dumping him.
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by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 5:16 AM
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queensweet
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 6:37 AM
The thing is that everyone moves when he or she are meant to do so. It sounds like you and your bro may be content in yourselves and want to deal with singlehood and kid challenges first which I feel are priorities. The exes may not be stronger enough to deal with these things and therefore need to have someone in their lives. Singlehood and raising kids are hard and not everyone is up for the challenge.
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Charlotte1608
by Lottie on Sep. 24, 2012 at 7:11 AM
Very true. And in my ex's case he chose to bow out of my kids life so he doesn't have to worry about parenting and dating. I don't know when/if i'll be ready to date but i'm just not into it so far.

Quoting queensweet:

The thing is that everyone moves when he or she are meant to do so. It sounds like you and your bro may be content in yourselves and want to deal with singlehood and kid challenges first which I feel are priorities. The exes may not be stronger enough to deal with these things and therefore need to have someone in their lives. Singlehood and raising kids are hard and not everyone is up for the challenge.
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rae021
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 7:54 AM
I want to be alone! I'm happy. Just bc my bd has a so doesn't mean he's happy...maybe he is. I dk and dc. Besides they don't have responsibilty of raising the kids and they never care as much how it will effect the kids. I see it as a lot, not all dads have less worries and carry less stress then us single moms
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queensweet
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Exactly. Yes I have my drama and stresses but my BD has it worse. He got married (I found our he met her while we were still together and I was very much pregnant) but it is rocky. My son told me that he is friends with one of her young cousins. The cousin heard his parents tell my BD that she has been calling other men on her phone when he isnt around. BD helps her with her daughter and they have a one year old together. My son told me there is drama in the household. BD let me know he is struggling to pay cs and take care of his household. It was his choice to buy a 2010 dodge charger and then trade it in for a ford truck. I dont feel sorry for him because he has made things hard for me and wasnt good to us before and after he left. So when the time comes around for my modification cs hearing (july 2013), I am not negotiating an amount again and he will have to pay whatever he needs to.


Quoting rae021:

I want to be alone! I'm happy. Just bc my bd has a so doesn't mean he's happy...maybe he is. I dk and dc. Besides they don't have responsibilty of raising the kids and they never care as much how it will effect the kids. I see it as a lot, not all dads have less worries and carry less stress then us single moms

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steviechick
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:35 AM

I'd like to date, but that will come hopefully eventually.  My ex decided to cheat on me while we were married and have children with his bimbo.  So, he's moved on and has moved on for quite some time.  I could care less what some of my friends think about me not dating.  It hasn't even been a year since my divorce.  I think under the circumstances of how my marriage ended everyone seems to think it's best that I move on when and how I choose to.  If I had more friends to socialize with I think my life wouldn't be so bad right now.

Jasuzha
by Bronze Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:46 AM
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I don't care what he does. In reality he is probably sleeping around creating more siblings for my son. I will date when I find someone who understands that my son is a priority in my life.
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PaperClip811
by Silver Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 12:15 PM

my ex started dating his GF within a month of us breaking up. I didnt date for almost 3 years. I wasnt embarassed... I had thoughts like "sure must be nice to have no responsibility and be able to focus on just yourself' but that was about all the thought I gave it. 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 12:45 PM
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 i hurried up and moved on but looking back i was dumb to do so. i should have focused on getting myself together.

SnapIt
by Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 12:59 PM
Im dating but i dont know if he is yet. He knows i am
I dont know what he thinks on his part that im dating before him. He cheated so he is probably holding off because of guilt. Do I expect for him not to date? Nope. He can date if he wants. I wont feel he is doing me wrong or hes ahead of me. Has he been with someone, maybe. Oh well i dont expect for him to sit on his couch

The guy im dating ex wife thinks he shouldnt be dating
She recently found out about me and she almost punched him, because he has moved on. She raised ber hand to him and he jumped back. She knows we are intimate and she told him a bunch of things in anger, because hes fucking me(her words) and she is dating but not fucking "them". Hmmm
They are divorced and this divorce went on for almost 2 yrs because of her
Yeah... Like he is suppose to stay celebate until she finds the right dick. Selfish
Shes pissed because he found someone to be solid with and not running around with different women and shes still looking
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easinpc
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:05 PM

My ex started dating before I did and is now remarried (I am not) but I can understand how he could feel that way. I have from time to time felt that way but then I think about how unhappy he is in his marriage and how happy I am with my life right now (even though I am single) and that makes me feel better lol.  Hugs to you and your brother!

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