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If your BD has dated but you haven't yet...

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Do you feel embarassed? Or like a "left-behind loser"? (that's how my brother is describing himself) I haven't dated yet not because I am heartbroken or anything I've just really not been interested and with an uninvolved BD i've raised my kids completely solo. They were also born at 28 wks so I have had many medical worries to deal with. I don't particulary care what it looks like but my brother (the heartbroken one) says he's embarassed his wife is dating and he isn't. Thoughts on this? He thinks it sends BD "avaliable" signals despite me dumping him.
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by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 5:16 AM
Replies (21-30):
brboy2
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 10:46 AM

Dating is the least of my worries, my son is my priority . My sons father started dating other ppl while i was 3 months pregnant and was content with lying and denying it. He spends all of his time either with her or smoking , his loss because time waits for noone.

jjmomjj
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:44 PM
1 mom liked this

IDK this is a good and HARD one I'm in the same boat i just feel like right now to don't have enough time or emotional capability for a man right now if that makes any sense

morethanamemory
by Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 12:24 AM

I feel that way a little bit sometimes. I know I shouldn't and for the most part I am satisfied with life and not being tied down to anyone. But he likes to be a jerk and try to rub it in that he can find "anyone" but wants to "work" on things with me, and if I am not seeing anyone that clearly to him means we are "Ment" to be together and work things out. Nope that ship has sailed a long time ago. I have more important things to do then worry about a man considering I am the one taking care of DD. Just feels bad when he tries to rub it in I am "alone" and he isnt.

MsLogansMommy
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 2:22 AM

Its not a competition your brother is silly I honestly couldn't care less what my bd thinks. If bd or anyone for that matter thinks that bd is "winning" if he dates before I do I wouldn't be bothered by it that is kind of immature if you ask me. I have a great book recommendation for him its called "what you think of me is none of my business" by terri cole whitaker I think that is how to spell authors name basically its about how he really shouldnt know or care what others think kwim

Charlotte1608
by Lottie on Oct. 4, 2012 at 2:45 AM
Snap! My bd is exactly the same. Because i'm not dating to him that means I still want him and he's just off sleeping with whoever until I take him back. Seriously.

Quoting morethanamemory:

I feel that way a little bit sometimes. I know I shouldn't and for the most part I am satisfied with life and not being tied down to anyone. But he likes to be a jerk and try to rub it in that he can find "anyone" but wants to "work" on things with me, and if I am not seeing anyone that clearly to him means we are "Ment" to be together and work things out. Nope that ship has sailed a long time ago. I have more important things to do then worry about a man considering I am the one taking care of DD. Just feels bad when he tries to rub it in I am "alone" and he isnt.

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Charlotte1608
by Lottie on Oct. 4, 2012 at 2:49 AM
It makes perfect sense. All in all i'm just not ready to meet another man yet.

Quoting jjmomjj:

IDK this is a good and HARD one I'm in the same boat i just feel like right now to don't have enough time or emotional capability for a man right now if that makes any sense

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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:46 AM
He was dating before we even separated and is now marries to her.
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Barblicious
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:16 PM

This is me too, every time I think I have time or energy or the desire to meet a man, once I am there, I really don't care and frankly if I don't think about putting any effort in - so what is the point?

My daughter's dad and I were in a "phase" (I had kicked him out so he'd become financially responsible and stop living off me, but we were still together and I thought working on things...) when I accidentally became pregnant. He told me he only wanted to have a baby with someone he was married to, and only wanted to marry someone he was "in love" with and that was NOT me. I was heart broken, but now over 3 years later I am glad he said that. I am glad I didn't waste any more years on him, as clearly he had not wanted a future with me, even though we had lived like husband and wife, with me supporting him for years.

He said, a baby was gonna RUIN his life and make it impossible for him to meet someone... hardly. He went on to sleep with a load of women - which is what men do because they EQUATE SEX TO SUCCESS/EGO in other words sex for men = validation and self-esteem. It was his way of dealing with his hurt. When my daughter was 2 months old, he met a woman (who clearly wants to play mommy) and they went on to have a rocky on and off relationship. I can't count the number of break ups they've had over these 3 years. They currently are broken up, he says for good but he has said that many times.

At one point when my daughter was about 6 months, he and I discussed getting back together, but he was still with this rocky girl. Whenever they'd break up he make comments that most people who hear them say are his attempt to show he wants me back. Sure when I was hormonal right after the birth, I was jealous and it hurt me when he said he had a girlfriend, my heart literally sank, but now, I just hope he heals all the things he needs to heal about himself and finds happiness. I can tell he is not happy. After nearly 3.5 years, even though he holds a special place in my heart (he was "the love of my life" even if I wasn't his) I just can never forget what he said to me... that I was not the one. I don't think I can ever get by that. He has never outright said he wants to try again with me (not since that one summer when our daughter was 6 months) he just says those weird comments here and there. 

So I have dated, and even had one crazy fool propose to me, but I haven't felt like my heart was in any of it. I hope one day my heart will be, but like many women here have said, I am completely happy in my life, I am so busy, and I feel so complete with everything I have and I am so focused on being a great mother - I don't even really notice there is no man.

I am sure when my daughter is older and I end up having more time to myself, I will finally find a good man that wins my heart. But I would probably be happy for the rest of my life even if I didn't.


Quoting Charlotte1608:

It makes perfect sense. All in all i'm just not ready to meet another man yet.

Quoting jjmomjj:

IDK this is a good and HARD one I'm in the same boat i just feel like right now to don't have enough time or emotional capability for a man right now if that makes any sense


erinmomofone
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 3:51 PM
My ex cheated on me so I feel like I am the loser. I won't be dating for a while it's going to be my daughter and I.
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jjmomjj
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:58 PM

that's exactly how i feel i haven't spoken to my sons father in almost a year and now all of a sudden out of nowhere his mom calls me and asks to see him i know i cant be selfish but whenever she skypes him he likes to point out hes with someone and im not ... Another bridge for me to get over he dosnt realize im not just his ex im his sons mother who (solely takes care of his son) hes so quick to try and take credit bc he pays a lil and when i say lil i mean lil child support but i feel like we are so in the same boat your more than welcome to private message me i love that its not just me with these problems lol although it sometimes feels like it :) and its always good to vent.

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