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I let my kid beat me up lastnight... **EDIT** a little explanation for replies

Posted by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 11:26 AM
  • 171 Replies
4 moms liked this
kind of... We are both going through alot. Her dad moved out a few months ago, headed back to court, im stressed, struggling financially.. You get the picture.

Recently my mom and sister dropped the ball and stopped helping look after dd while i worked,when completely needed of course. I dnt expect them to raise dd just need care for her after preschool.So i found a new sitter, who is a co-workers wife. Lastnight was dds first few hrs with the new sitter and I guess dd was ok until it got later (i work until 10pm right now). She refused to socialize, and sat under their dinner table, while nodding off to sleep. :( she told the sitter i wasn't coming back for her tht breaks my heart because im the only steady person in her life.

Anyway.. Picking her up at sitters was rough. She screamed and cried. Got her home and she cried some more. I sat dd on the counter to get her shoes off and she started crying hard... Yelling and trying to hit me. She was half asleep so she was more patting my chest, but i got the message. And i let her do it. the look in her face killed me. I thought about restraining her but i just hugged her tight instead. I started crying too. I feel like i deserve to get beat up for all the chaos in her life right now. She has been very pissy alot lately. Stubborn. Some of it is her being sick atm.. But i fear alot of it her struggling with all thts going on. Have u ladies ever had ur kids act out because of things tht really aren't in your control? What can i do for dd to help her through this?!

*****EDIT*****

Seems like a little explanation is needed, i see very similar responses. We dnt live in choas, or a non structured environment. Never have, except a few very rough patches. I have mostly raised her alone. I alone made her life clean and scheduled and it works so well. She always knows whats happening and when- i need tht myself and i know little people need it even more so tht all came naturally. She has a set bedtime, basically set meal times, bath time etc. She has always been making choices.. Like which shoes she will wear, what movie she would like to watch etc. She is super independant as i am and one of my promises to myself in raising children was just that "if it wont hurt anyone, she can choose". Those trivial things are no big deal for me beacuse i WANT her to be in control of what little she can handle. Also, she really is an awesome child. Yes, i sound biased.. Lol but she is. She is so grateful. She thanks me for reading to her. She thanked me today for doing her homework with her :) she is courteous, caring, kind... Bossy but i cn deal with tht lol really just a delightful girl so i do know, for a fact, this was an absolute breaking point. I was raised very controlled so i know better than to let it become a habit but i also know better than to force her to keep straight when she just shldnt have to. But i DO agree tht hitting isnt acceptable. Something just happened.... In tht moment tht my reaction was a big hug. Its part my raising, part present issues and part future goals i have with her. I want a close, open, upfront existance with her and i feel like this was a huge point in getting there. I appreciate all of your replies, advice, and kind words. Makes me very proud to be part of this group. I teared up seeing i had over 70 new replies tonight. Thank you all so much!
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by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 11:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Sep. 27, 2012 at 11:32 AM
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My sons dad just entered the picture 4 months ago and has been absent all his life before that. My son is 5 but he is a big kid. He's almost 4 ft tall and weighs about 50lbs. He's been having major behavior issues too. He angry and tells and calls me names and he's been punching and kicking. We are going to start seeing a child psychologist. I was told show him love as much as possible. When he's angry I let him stay on timeout till his behavior changes. Usually he begins to beg for me. You did the right thing by hugging her. But do not let her hit you. When my son hits me I either restrain him or leave him alone and close the door. When I leave he's more likely to stop. I'd talk to your pediatrician and ask if they can refer you to a counselor who helps kids get through stuff like that. She's having an unfortunately normal reaction to the hard stuff in her little world.
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ms.sophsmom
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 11:38 AM
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Thank you.. Im sorry u guys are having a rough time too. I wish they cld verbally explain better what goes on in their heads. . I think she and i both need counseling honestly.

Quoting MeeshMom:

My sons dad just entered the picture 4 months ago and has been absent all his life before that. My son is 5 but he is a big kid. He's almost 4 ft tall and weighs about 50lbs. He's been having major behavior issues too. He angry and tells and calls me names and he's been punching and kicking. We are going to start seeing a child psychologist. I was told show him love as much as possible. When he's angry I let him stay on timeout till his behavior changes. Usually he begins to beg for me. You did the right thing by hugging her. But do not let her hit you. When my son hits me I either restrain him or leave him alone and close the door. When I leave he's more likely to stop. I'd talk to your pediatrician and ask if they can refer you to a counselor who helps kids get through stuff like that. She's having an unfortunately normal reaction to the hard stuff in her little world.
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easinpc
by Gold Member on Sep. 27, 2012 at 12:32 PM
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Have you checked into therapy for her?  Especially play therapy?  It may help her express how she feels in a non-violent way and help her figure out how to address those feelings in the future.  Hugs!

KRIZZ25
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get man out of the white house put god back in and see what happens..
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by Platinum Member on Sep. 27, 2012 at 12:36 PM
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its not ur falut.its life.it ant pretty ..shit happedns ..but u deal and go on ..sounds to me like she was just over tired.
ms.sophsmom
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 2:02 PM
Yeah tht was paet of i too.. Her being tired but she never hits or yells. She just whines alot if she needs rest. Lastnight was just... Different.

Quoting KRIZZ25:

its not ur falut.its life.it ant pretty ..shit happedns ..but u deal and go on ..sounds to me like she was just over tired.
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sniklefritz
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 2:29 PM
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I'm not going to read the other replies yet, I would like to after...

You are a understanding woman....And the fact that it was so late probably was a huge factor....Recognising that your daughter has abandonment issues is a HUGE  acomplishment Mama...She is lucky to have that..I found a lot of women are pretty dominant in their wants for behavior...with out too much thought for the child..sigh...

That being said...You allowed her to "voice" physically what she couldnt voice vocally...Now..Nip that in the bud..so to speak....

No one should put their hands on somebody unless it is to protect themselves....and once allowed it may be become an issue....:)

You do NOT want to be  the type of mom who allows behaviors out of guilt..Because when she's 16 and trying to woop your ass...with out protecting yourself, you're looking at a HUGE problem..

I  know you said that you let her do it..I understand this...But you are also her Mother..and you hold  aposition that should be respected ...I Hope you don't feel I am being critical in any way...I understand..and I want to be supportive in this transitional time...HUGS!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Sep. 27, 2012 at 2:35 PM
3 moms liked this

When a child lashes out in anger physically there is a lot of turmoil going on in their lives.  It's best to quell this kind of behavior by working things out with a counselor.  In the interim, I wouldn't allow your child to hit you without instant punishment.  Hitting someone out of anger is unacceptable no matter the circumstances.  I would have put my child in timeout and allowed them to cool off.  Anger only lasts for a few minutes.  Once the anger subsides then have a sit down calm talk with the child.  Ask them why they are so angry and let them talk it out.  I would also recommend going to see the pediatrician and have them recommend a child therapist/counselor for your child.  Anger like this has to be quelled ASAP. 

iHay
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 2:56 PM
2 moms liked this

I have never had my ds do this but I have had a few kids in daycare do it. I ran a daycare in my home for 5 years, one little boy was so pushed around by everyone in his life, my niece is diabetic and having one of those moments, and another little girl I had her more than her parents and then they stopped letting me take care of her because she got so attached to me. It didn't become a habit with any of them, they needed to vent and were all much too little to understand (under 3) how to display emotions. They knew I loved them unconditionally and wouldn't hate them for losing it. I had exceptionally close bonds with these kids before and more so after this happened.

I suggest counselling and I would remind her every chance I got that I loved her and would never leave, no matter what.

PaperClip811
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 3:03 PM
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poor baby girl. I really dont have much advice.. I know how heartbreaking it can be when they are confused and hurt by their sitiation.. but all I do is be there for my son, hug him, let him know i love him, and that everything is okay. *hugs*

JamminOutMama
by on Sep. 28, 2012 at 12:21 AM
Oh I'm sorry mama
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