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Am I digging my own grave? *vent* ((LONG))

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I don't even know where to begin with this situation. I guess I'll start in the middle and work the other info in or something.

Next Saturday my ex, his "fiance" (alleged) and their daughter, along with me and my son are going to go to the park to allow the kids to play together. I am feeling ok about this (I think) because I know that I won't be completely alone with him for one and for two, I am going to a place I am familiar with so if anything jumps off I can just leave.

Backstory: Um my ds is 7 and his half-sister is 2. My son didn't get to fully "meet" my ex until he was 4 because of all the trouble ex was causing. Got pregnant at 15, had my son at 16. After breaking up with bd he became someone insane. Stalking, harassing phone calls, looking in windows, etc. 5 restraining orders and 2 assualt charges later he disappeared from my life completely.

At one point there was a judge who told me I was nieve for trying to salvage any type of relationship between bd and I as well as he told me to never allow him to have contact with myself or my son because he is just that unstable and unpredictable. That was 4-5 years ago and since there was never anything in writing I don't know what to do.

I can't possibly say 5 years a judge told me not to allow my son around him so I don't, can I? If I file for custody, what happens if he gets joint? I mean I know what happens but that would devastate me. I've never been without my son. My ex doesn't have the temper to deal with kids, he told me so himself.

Nowadays he sees my son every now and then and that's usually if we (my son and I) happen to be in a public place (McDonald's, Barbershop, etc.). I have taken my son out to play with him a couple of times but only to public places.

In public places (like the time we went to McDonald's and the movies) he can still act stupid and not want to spend time with his son like he says. At the movies he ended up breaking (cracked the screen) my cell phone because I wouldn't get off of FB and CM and according to him I was ruining "our family time" and got mad when I said that it wasn't.

I don't want my son to grow up hating me. I don't want him to be like 13 or 14 and know that he hates me because he never knew his father so I'm trying to slowly integrate his father into his life but I know in my heart this will only lead to heartache for my son.

You know how in the movies where the dad always promises the kid to go out and even on here the same situation occurs and the dad never comes and the kid is left heartbroken and disappointed?? It would kill me to see my son hurt like that.

I would never allow my son to go out alone with. His "fiance" says that she doesn't allow him to take their 2 year old out by himself and he's been there since she was born. I don't know what to do. I don't know whether I'm setting myself up for failure or what.

I want my son to learn how to be a man from a man but if the only man around is a no good one then what? I mean to  learn from my ex would be to learn that its ok to blame your faults on others, to depend on women to take care of you, to hit women, etc. I don't know what to do.

by on Sep. 30, 2012 at 1:23 PM
Replies (11-14):
kdas0420
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 8:07 AM

Sounds to me like your ex will do more harm then good. Your hesitation is telling you that it isn't a good idea. Just keep being there for your son like you have and that's all any of can really do. 

Quoting SexyDiva19:

 that's the thing though. He "says" he wants to be a "father" but what he is really doing is trying to control me through my son. The issue is I don't know how this will affect my son. My ex is unstable and not the best role model in the world. He has no goals or motivation about anything. He's 27, has 3 kids with 3 different women, no job and going from couch to couch.

I don't know if by being in my son's life he would cause more harm than good.

Quoting m2b8609:

then i think you should be safe. sounds like you have a good case against him if he does take you to court tho. and by you letting him see his father you arent preventing him. But if he isnt interested entirely id give it up. if not if its working for you now then just continue doing what your doing

 


m2b8609
by Bronze Member on Oct. 1, 2012 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd just leave it be and stop taking your soon to see him.actions do speak louder than words.and his actions prove him tho be all talk. If you want your children to interact talk to the mom and meet individually. If she can't trust him alone obviously she shouldn't even be with him either. Find him a great make role model to look up to.
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steviechick
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 1:55 PM

I wouldn't take your son to see your ex either.  Your ex has a past of violent outbursts and he's still acting like an @ss.  I have an ex just like this.  Anger management problems (always has had them), financial problems and trust issues.  I wish I could stop my DD from seeing her father, but she won't entirely.  She barely sees him now and only texts and talks to him.  They see each other on rare occasion (dinners).  She's a freshman in college and has three more years left, so that means she will more than likely have the same kind of relationship with her loser of a father.  I can't change how she views him.  It's up to her.  I know one day she will leave this area and move away.  That's when I can breathe a sigh of relief.  

Interesting enough my own ex-FIL told me to forget about my husband.  How's that for an ex-FIL to say about his own son?  Sad..........

SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:51 PM

 How old is your DD? Does she see him as he is or just as how he represents himself to her?

Quoting steviechick:

I wouldn't take your son to see your ex either.  Your ex has a past of violent outbursts and he's still acting like an @ss.  I have an ex just like this.  Anger management problems (always has had them), financial problems and trust issues.  I wish I could stop my DD from seeing her father, but she won't entirely.  She barely sees him now and only texts and talks to him.  They see each other on rare occasion (dinners).  She's a freshman in college and has three more years left, so that means she will more than likely have the same kind of relationship with her loser of a father.  I can't change how she views him.  It's up to her.  I know one day she will leave this area and move away.  That's when I can breathe a sigh of relief.  

Interesting enough my own ex-FIL told me to forget about my husband.  How's that for an ex-FIL to say about his own son?  Sad..........

 

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