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Is it jealousy or just me....

Posted by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 12:43 AM
  • 10 Replies

I will be the first to admit that I am a jealous person when it comes to my love. I don't like him talking to women that I feel are more attractive then me or hanging out with his friends more then with me. But I don't seem to have that problem with my guy. He is ALWAYS talking to women and telling them how attractive he thinks they are and stuff. It used to really bother me but we talked about it and he assured me that I am the only women he is really interested in and that he tells women they are attractive to make them feel better about themselves. I still have a tiny problem with this, but I think I am handling it okay. I am not the problem.

He has a six year old little girl, she really isn't his but he is all she has ever known as a father figure. Her mother just came back so now she has mommy and daddy around all the time. When me and my boyfriend first started talking, she was all about being in the middle of every hug, breaking up stolen kisses, holding our hands so she was in the middle of us. We couldn't show each other any form of affection without her trying to get in the middle of it. I realized that it is probably hard for her to see daddy with someone else besides her, so I just had to deal with it and show her that I wasn't taking her daddy from her, we could spend time together and with her.

Well, things seemed to settle down with her and she actually told me that she wants her daddy to marry me. I am a good mommy and she wants me to be with her daddy. But now that my boyfriend and I are getting closer to each other, she is back to she has to snuggle too when we are snuggled together, she has to be in between us when we go anywhere together as the three of us. She breaks up kisses and hugs. And when we do outings together, she prefers to sit on my lap and have all of my attention, but when we are at home, that is a totally different story.

So is it just me and I am seeing things out of proportion, or is this jealousy thing coming back out? And if it is her being jealous, why again now and when will it stop, and will I have to keep dealing with this? I don't understand. She practically lived with me all summer long and that was the reason it all ended the first time. So why now? There is nothing any different from what it has been the past several months, nothing that people can really see. I can tell there is a difference in how strongly we feel for each other, but no one else can seem to SEE that. Why after accepting it is she seeming to have issues? Please help!

by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 12:43 AM
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by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 12:34 PM
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Its been 2.5 years and my son still pouts when I kiss or hug my husband. I think it's the age, not the amount of time. He is 4 and will say "where are my kisses?!" 

Its silly and can be annoying, but I dont know that there's really a 'solution'. I make my son be polite, but I never deny him kisses and hugs LOL 

by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 1:04 PM

I think the best thing is to continue to be the same person you have always been to this little girl.  She might be going through some anxiety because she might want her mommy back with her daddy.  Perhaps she and her own mom have been talking about you and there might be some negative feedback coming from the ex-wife.  I wouldn't put anything on this as she is still young and still dealing with everything in her life.  If it gets worse or remains the same in a few weeks I would talk to your bf about it.  Perhaps he can have a sit down with the ex-wife and try and figure out the mood swings going on the girl. 

by Ruby Member on Oct. 1, 2012 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

 she will have on and off issues. her "dad" should let her know that adults run the show though, not kids.

by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 1:36 PM

 I think it is attention seeking.  My mother and father divorced when I was 1 year old.  My father moved to SoCal and we stayed in the midwest.  My mother was in a long term relationship (well, about 5 yrs) and then they broke up and my mother started dating again.  I did the exact same thing this little girl is doing to my mother.  I would always want to sit between her and the person she was dating.  I would throw fits when it was time for bed.  I wanted to be around them the whole time.  I still to this day do not know why I acted like that.  My poor mom!  It was different with my father, though.  I didn't really mind his 2nd or his 3rd wife and didn't act as territorial.  It could be that I only saw him once a year in the summer, so we weren't as close.  Have you ever tried to talk to her about it?  I know she's young, but maybe when she acts that way, ask her how she is feeling.  It may shed some light on it...

by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 2:03 PM

I agree with steviechick. Maybe something her mom has told her is affecting how she feels about you. Also most kids go through a stage where they want all of the parents attention  on them and not eachother.

by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 2:11 PM

Her mom just popped back into her life and she's having security issues.

It's not jealousy, it's insecurities because she grew up in an unstable enviroment with her biomom..

She just really needs some stability and reassurance that she won't lose her daddy, now that her biomom is back in her life..

by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 6:14 PM
wow..idk ..but my dd use to do that wen i was with her dad..she was 2 then.mabie have special time wth just her and u ..than her and dad.mabie have sit down talk wth all 3 of u .. tell her u love her but u love her daddy to and its OK for u2 to kiss and stuff ..or don't do it front of her.
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 6:17 PM

you said that in public its you she wants to be with but at home its different, if her bio-mom has been in/out of her life she is turning to you as her mother figure, shes young so cant express some of what shes thinking/feeling any other way, she probably doesn't even understand it herself...she's probably worried that you will leave now that bio-mom is back

I went through something similar with an exs' children...I am still close to them...when one parent comes in/out of their lives its hard on them so they get close to the other parent, but when that parent starts dating its hell for everyone...give her time, shes testing the limits to see if your gonna be there or walk away like bio-mom...she got close to you & it scares her now...keep being patient & treat her no differently, maybe on one of her bad days sit her down & tell her how much you love her & her daddy & you wont leave her, after a while she will see this herself but needs reassurance now

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Sorry guys, I guess I should have explained the entire situation, not just part of it. DD's mom and dad were never a couple and he is actually not her father. My bf was down on his luck and DD's mom needed help with her baby, so they lived together and he stepped into the role of father figure, but DD knows he is not really her father. Dad and mom had been family childhood friends and when mom left a year ago, she left DD with her sister, who DD calls Mimi. Mimi asked my bf to move in with her and her bf and kids so DD would have some normalcy.

I came into the picture almost six months ago. This is what I came into....three adults, five kids, eleven dogs. Everything in the house is my bf's responsibility because the other two adults ....well I don't have anything nice to say about it. Mom came back about two months ago and isn't very helpful either. While they are down to two dogs, Mimi volunteered my bf to babysit two more kids and then agrees to take in her ex's two children also. Mom can't handle all the noise and people so she is ALWAYS in a bad mood. She threatens DD to leave again due to her behavior and most of her attention is negative attention unless she is bribbing DD.

Over the summer, I was becoming close with Mimi and her kids and my bf. They had to move and Mimi had a good deal of stress in her life, so I had all five of the kids most of the summer. DD is used to spending girly time with me and my daughter and the boys all play together. Nothing seems like it's any different on the outside besides the extra kids that were added recently. I didn't really think about the stability she may feel she is lacking and really, come to think of it, with all the extra chaois anymore, she doesn't get much daddy time anymore. And with school starting, she also doesn't see me as often anymore either. When dad and I do get some down time, we try to spend it together and little DD must be feeling left out.

Thank you all for having me look a little more closer at the entire situation and helping me to come to a very plausable answer. This weekend we have a girls day planned with DD and my daughter and daddy, just the four of us. Maybe she is just in desperate need of not getting lost in the mix and this is just what she needs. I am so looking forward to our weekend and now I am eager to see what happens afterwards.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 12:54 PM
In my experience the kids always want to be included in the hugs and kisses. I dont think its jealousy at this point. She loves you both and just wants to be included.
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