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Having a hard time dealing with being a single parent

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so I just gave birth to my son almost 2 weeks ago and me and his father are not together anymore and we haven't been together for a while it's been off and on for over 3 1/2 years but all he wants to do is party and be with other girls he told me he wasn't ready to be in a relationship but it seems as though after our son was born he's been searching for a gf and it looks like he has found someone he is interested in but I feel like why couldn't you commit to me but some random girl can come and change all that in two seconds it's really hard trying to raise our son who looks just like him and also at the same time trying to get over his father and he also comes over to visit with him so I see him a lot my heart feels like it's broken into a million different pieces and all I wanted was my little family to be together I feel like I have failed
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 1:13 AM
Replies (11-20):
brboy2
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 12:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Dont waste your time thinking about him. Same thing happened with me and my ex. Your SON is the priority. No girl lays down and has a baby and thinks they wont have a family. His loss. Dont spend all your time worrying about him. It will get better with time.

Me and my sons father were together 3 yrs, he did the same thing to me , started cheating when I was 3 months. My son looks just like his father too. Getting over him wont be easy,but when you sit back and look at what he is doing right now, you will realize you deserve better

steviechick
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 12:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome to the group!  You are NOT a failure.  You are an awesome person.  Your ex is the one that failed. He failed you and he has failed his own son by not being a decent father to his own mother.  My ex is the same way.  Complete failure in so many ways.  Left me for another woman he was having an affair with AFTER he fathered two kids with her.  Not only is a failure of a husband but he's a failure of father to our DD.  He not only showed me what a complete douchebag he is.  He's also proven to our DD that he's a liar, but he's a deceiver and had betrayed those that loved him.  Trust me.  There is another and better world out there for all we women that are deceived by those that once loved us.  We deserve better in life.  I'm actually happier that I divorced my ex (I filed).  I no longer have to worry about money problems or if my ex is cheating on me.  That's her problem now.  I'm in a much happier place because I have a whole new life to look forward to and so will you! 

MamaDee2Bee
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 2:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 Ist of all you're NOT a FAILURE! It takes TWO to be apart of a relationship and if he's playn games like it sounds then you need to move on and just focus on your baby! Enjoy the time that you have with the baby and know that YOU get to share more memories and special times with him cuz your ex is out doing whatever.!! GOOD LUCK!! YOU CAN DO IT!!  

hugs

Orlandosmom
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 2:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you ladies I am feeling a lot better today after getting some much needed sleep and also hearing your stories it has helped me more then y'all know :)
mz23
by Bronze Member on Oct. 1, 2012 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Awe I been on my own since day one. My dd dad has only seen her like 3 times. I honestly can care less about him but it hurts so bad that she at least wont have a loving father in her life. I dont regret her just wish her father was someone else.  I used to have a hard time but it gets easier. My dd is 3 months and the love of my life. Her father is a loser to me and honestly  Im embarrassed I was ever with him, but without him I wouldnt have her.  Just focus on yourself and baby; although easier said and done, find a bit of happiness in the fact that he cares enough to come around and see her. Dont let him and his gf faze you. At least pretend that they dont around them.

brboy2
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 4:55 PM
1 mom liked this

GOOD! Some other advice....

Usually traumatizing events change individuals for the good or better , or they simply dont change at all.

The birth of your child is pretty traumatizing , and if he hasnt changed by now,i doubt he will.

Early on in my pregnancy i listened to ppl hoping my sons father would change, 4 months after he was born there still has  been no change

Zacknalexmom
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 6:03 PM
1 mom liked this
I have been a single mom for 6 yrs since my divorce. Being a single mom is very hard. My kids dad is not involved in their lives due to court orders. You maybe better off without your ex. At least your not in a relationship with him and dealing with his bs. It wouldn't be good for you or your child. Hang in there!

Quoting texoma2:

U are actually in a way better situation than you can imagine! Time will allow you to see that.

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SMROnline
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 6:53 PM
2 moms liked this

Why do you feel as if you have failed, when he is the one who has apparently walked away?

I can point out one specific thing you said -- it's been off and on for over 3-1/2 years; that's usually an indicator that a Man is not ready to settle period or with that specific Woman.  

For starters, you are NOT a failure; you are a wonderful Woman who has just given birth to a wonderful baby boy.  Cherish these beautiful moments you've been Blessed to have.  I know it's hard, heartbreaking and all of the above, but honey it's time to let go and move on with life.  When YOU finally let go and move forward, you will be so much more happier and at peace.  

In regards to your ex, the signs were there, so his actions should not be of any surprise to you.  So what if he has found someone, I guarantee you...someone's going to break his heart, the way he has broken yours - karma; it's inevitable.  

I don't know your situation, but I would say take care of that beautiful baby on focus on YOU!!!   Go to school, get your degree if you don't already have it, follow YOUR passion, get a great paying job to take care of you and that wonderful bably of yours.  Color your hair, by a couple of new outfits and a pair of shoes if you can.  Exercies, meditate.  Connect with other single Mothers, have play dates with other single Moms when your baby gets older, read a book, have a trustworthy friend or family member care for your baby -- enjoy a girls night out once a month...Everytime that ex of yours come around, you need to look good and feel good.  Basically I am telling you to just LIVE ON PURPOSE...eventually things will begin to work themselves out.    

In closing:  There is a fantastic Man out there who is going to Love you and your child.  That Man is going to Love your child as if he's his own biological son.  How do I know?  Because that's the Love my step-dad gave to me!

https://www.facebook.com/SMRonline

ChgIsGood2012
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 7:07 PM
2 moms liked this

You haven't failed. You cannot control what the other person does. It will be a lesson learned for you, as you grow in life and meet other men. You did your best. If you believe in prayer, pray for his father. Maybe his heart will be changed, and he will come around. Otherwise, pray for yourself. Be happy. Take care of your son. Time will allow all of this to get better.

singletiredmom
by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 7:11 PM
1 mom liked this
You're not a failure!! Trust me it will get better. I've been a single mom for 17 years and raised 3 kids on my own. You will make it!!! I'm sending good thoughts your way!
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