First off, I want to say hi. I just joined this group & this is my first post. I am at a real low in my life & I feel completely hopeless & lost. Here is my story:
I have a 9 1/2 yr old & a 2 month old neice that I have temporary custody of. I have done a very good job raising my 9 year old & single parenthood just seemed to work for me. I had a great job, a beautiful house & almost the perfect life.
When my neice was born & needed somewhere to go, I offered to take her. I took 6 weeks of maternity leave to be with her until she was old enough for daycare. While on maternity leave, my work offered me a promotion...how much better could life get!
So I go back to work & I am then informed they are changing my schedule. I am now working 6 more hours a week & have to find somewhere for my son to go as I now work until 6pm (dont get home till 6:30pm) & after school care closes at 6 (daycare is open till 6:30, so I'm fine there).
Well this new schedule has completely turned my life upside down. I never get to see the kids or spend time with them. My son is currently bouncing between different people until I get home from work. My sister(my neice's mom) has suddendly appeared after being MIA for 2 months & is requesting visitation. I am told I must comply with visitation on Saturdays & Sundays (my 2 days off) otherwise, they are going to remove my neice & put her in a foster home.
My son cried every single day my first week of working my new schedule b/c he is miserable bouncing from friend to friend till I get home plus he never sees me. Now on the only 2 days he doesn't have to go with a sitter, I am now told I need to do visitation & therefore, I have to find a sitter for my son those days as well.
I am just at a loss. Monday started my 3rd week at my new job & my son still cries almost every night. Not to mention by the time I get into bed, I cry myself to sleep every night beacuse I feel so guilty for never spending time with him. I am so overwhelmed.
Sometimes I think if I had a partner/husband, there wouldn't be a problem as there would be someone else to watch the kids while I am working late & my son wouldnt be bouncing around.
I am just miserable. I don't know if this promotion is worth it, but if I don't take it, they can put me anywhere & I still wouldn't be guaranteed better hours. If I stick with it for the next year, I can request a transfer & keep my pay raise.
My friends tell me that sometimes it takes one step back to get 3 steps ahead. That the sacrifices I am making now (time with my son) will pay off in the future & my son will understand when he is older. But I just don't know. I feel like a terrible mom. I feel hopeless. I am always sad which comes out in stress. I just want to crawl in a corner & disappear. The guilt I am carrying is unbearable.
What do all you other single parents do? I know there has got to be some single moms that work more then one job & don't get to see thier kids...what do you do? My son's school is having a Harvest Festival & I can't go because I have to work...what do you do when you are always missing out on your children's lives???
Unfortunatly I work for a local government agency so my schedule is up to my boss who refuses to change my schedule...I even asked if I could just get off 30 minutes earlier as it would make a huge difference! But she said no. I can tranfer to a different department after a year. If I left my agency, I will never get the kind of long term benefits I do with them with anyone else & I would have to take a pay decrease.
I work full time and I also get home around 6:30 every night...my daughter is 3...my parents pick her up for me after school gets out at 3:15 and help me until I get home. I spend two hours with my daughter when I get home and then we have bathtime and bedtime. This is the way it has been since she started daycare and I went back to work...even when I was married...we both had to work to make money to pay for everything. It makes me sad sometimes that my mom and dad take her to gymnastics and swimming, but at the same time...she's doing what kids should do and i am working to provide for us and my family stepped in and offered to help out, and for that i am grateful. I find it extremely inconsiderate of your work to not be understanding in this situation. Yes, they were great to give you the maternity leave for your niece, but on the same token...I mean they should know you have two kids to take care of. Work is important, it pays the bills...and provides a bit of relief on the monetary side...as much as it can. But while work is just that, work, you spend (most all of us included) most of your waking hours at work...so if you're going to do that...you're going to have to be in a place that supports you...and it's not. I'd either try one more time with your boss...explain everything and the sacrifices you make...and that you'll give 110% at work, but you have got to get home at 6:00 to pick up your son and spend family time with both of the kids. If they can't understand that...then it's really not a healthy place for you. Start looking around...sure...another job might not live 100% up to the standards of your current job...but if the results are happier kids and happier YOU...then that should be worth it! :-)
didn't see this coming
- Lauren326
on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:24 AM