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Pretty Sure I am about to hit Rock Bottom

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:24 AM
  • 17 Replies

First off, I want to say hi. I just joined this group & this is my first post.  I am at a real low in my life & I feel completely hopeless & lost.  Here is my story:

I have a 9 1/2 yr old & a 2 month old neice that I have temporary custody of. I have done a very good job raising my 9 year old & single parenthood just seemed to work for me.  I had a great job, a beautiful house & almost the perfect life.  

When my neice was born & needed somewhere to go, I offered to take her.  I took 6 weeks of maternity leave to be with her until she was old enough for daycare.  While on maternity leave, my work offered me a promotion...how much better could life get!

So I go back to work & I am then informed they are changing my schedule.  I am now working 6 more hours a week & have to find somewhere for my son to go as I now work until 6pm (dont get home till 6:30pm) & after school care closes at 6 (daycare is open till 6:30, so I'm fine there).  

Well this new schedule has completely turned my life upside down.  I never get to see the kids or spend time with them.  My son is currently bouncing between different people until I get home from work.  My sister(my neice's mom) has suddendly appeared after being MIA for 2 months & is requesting visitation.  I am told I must comply with visitation on Saturdays & Sundays (my 2 days off) otherwise, they are going to remove my neice & put her in a foster home.  

My son cried every single day my first week of working my new schedule b/c he is miserable bouncing from friend to friend till I get home plus he never sees me.  Now on the only 2 days he doesn't have to go with a sitter, I am now told I need to do visitation & therefore, I have to find a sitter for my son those days as well.  

I am just at a loss. Monday started my 3rd week at my new job & my son still cries almost every night.  Not to mention by the time I get into bed, I cry myself to sleep every night beacuse I feel so guilty for never spending time with him.  I am so overwhelmed.  

Sometimes I think if I had a partner/husband, there wouldn't be a problem as there would be someone else to watch the kids while I am working late & my son wouldnt be bouncing around.

I am just miserable.  I don't know if this promotion is worth it, but if I don't take it, they can put me anywhere & I still wouldn't be guaranteed better hours.  If I stick with it for the next year, I can request a transfer & keep my pay raise.  

My friends tell me that sometimes it takes one step back to get 3 steps ahead.  That the sacrifices I am making now (time with my son) will pay off in the future & my son will understand when he is older. But I just don't know.  I feel like a terrible mom.  I feel hopeless.  I am always sad which comes out in stress.  I just want to crawl in a corner & disappear.  The guilt I am carrying is unbearable. 

What do all you other single parents do?  I know there has got to be some single moms that work more then one job & don't get to see thier kids...what do you do?  My son's school is having a Harvest Festival & I can't go because I have to work...what do you do when you are always missing out on your children's lives??? 

 

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jewelsmama528
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:36 AM
Unfortunately, I can't answer your questions as I am currently on long term disability and became a single mom while on it. My husband passed away in January. I just have a question...why do u have to get a sitter on the weekends for visitation? Is it bc u do not want your son around your sister? Could maybe another family member step in and help with the visitations? Also, I think your friends are right....stick it out as long as u can and just make every single moment with your son count!! I think it will all work out in the end!! Good luck and welcome!!
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MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:40 AM
Why don't you have a talk with your boss about your schedule? Do you feel that your job can be doable in a shorter work week? Can you streamline anything? I would also look into other positions at other companies or within the company. If you're a valuable asset they should want to keep you. You're a single mom and needed at home. I work FT too and I hate it but I have to have time with my son. You're doing your best with this situation. Hang in there. I hope your hours can be adjusted and things will be a little easier for you.
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Lauren326
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:48 AM

Unfortunatly I work for a local government agency so my schedule is up to my boss who refuses to change my schedule...I even asked if I could just get off 30 minutes earlier as it would make a huge difference! But she said no. I can tranfer to a different department after a year.  If I left my agency, I will never get the kind of long term benefits I do with them with anyone else & I would have to take a pay decrease.   

Lauren326
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:49 AM

 Yes, I don't want to take my son to visitation #1 because my son does not want to see my sister & #2 I don't want him around her as she will also be bringing her boyfriend who is a piece of work.

Lauren326
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:50 AM

 Thank you ladies for the encouraging words...I think I am just looking for people to relate to & to know I"m not alone...I think that is exactly what I am going to find in this group...none of my friends understand so I have no one to talk to. 

lissetteP
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 1:31 AM
why can't your son be there during visitation
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stormystar15
by Jessica on Oct. 3, 2012 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this
I understand what your going through. i never see my oldest son because i work second shift and have to work the weekends. just make every second you have with your son count. maybe get a family member to do the visitation and go to the zoo or something fun and have you and him time. it helps a lot.
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hottmomma264
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 1:43 AM
I somewhat know how you feel. I'm a single mom to a 1 year old baby boy. Every morning we wake up around 7am and he goes straight to daycare and I go to class. After class I go directly to work and don't get off till 7:30pm. By time I go pick up my sin and get home it's past 8 o clock and time for bed. So pretty much the only time I get to spend with him is on the weekends. It kills me. And it's even harder when he throws fits and cries when I have to leave. But I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm doing this all for my baby boy. One of these days I won't have to go to school full time and i wont have to work 40+ hours a week just to make ends meet. I want a healthy, happy life for my son and I, and I am determined to make that happen.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Oct. 3, 2012 at 3:15 PM
Maybe make a count down calendar with your son so you have a light at the end of the tunnel for the year before you can change departments. Would another family member be able to do visitation?
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MereMcM
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 3:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I work full time and I also get home around 6:30 every night...my daughter is 3...my parents pick her up for me after school gets out at 3:15 and help me until I get home.  I spend two hours with my daughter when I get home and then we have bathtime and bedtime.  This is the way it has been since she started daycare and I went back to work...even when I was married...we both had to work to make money to pay for everything.  It makes me sad sometimes that my mom and dad take her to gymnastics and swimming, but at the same time...she's doing what kids should do and i am working to provide for us and my family stepped in and offered to help out, and for that i am grateful.  I find it extremely inconsiderate of your work to not be understanding in this situation.  Yes, they were great to give you the maternity leave for your niece, but on the same token...I mean they should know you have two kids to take care of.  Work is important, it pays the bills...and provides a bit of relief on the monetary side...as much as it can.  But while work is just that, work, you spend (most all of us included) most of your waking hours at work...so if you're going to do that...you're going to have to be in a place that supports you...and it's not.  I'd either try one more time with your boss...explain everything and the sacrifices you make...and that you'll give 110% at work, but you have got to get home at 6:00 to pick up your son and spend family time with both of the kids.  If they can't understand that...then it's really not a healthy place for you.  Start looking around...sure...another job might not live 100% up to the standards of your current job...but if the results are happier kids and happier YOU...then that should be worth it!  :-)

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