First off, I want to say hi. I just joined this group & this is my first post. I am at a real low in my life & I feel completely hopeless & lost. Here is my story:
I have a 9 1/2 yr old & a 2 month old neice that I have temporary custody of. I have done a very good job raising my 9 year old & single parenthood just seemed to work for me. I had a great job, a beautiful house & almost the perfect life.
When my neice was born & needed somewhere to go, I offered to take her. I took 6 weeks of maternity leave to be with her until she was old enough for daycare. While on maternity leave, my work offered me a promotion...how much better could life get!
So I go back to work & I am then informed they are changing my schedule. I am now working 6 more hours a week & have to find somewhere for my son to go as I now work until 6pm (dont get home till 6:30pm) & after school care closes at 6 (daycare is open till 6:30, so I'm fine there).
Well this new schedule has completely turned my life upside down. I never get to see the kids or spend time with them. My son is currently bouncing between different people until I get home from work. My sister(my neice's mom) has suddendly appeared after being MIA for 2 months & is requesting visitation. I am told I must comply with visitation on Saturdays & Sundays (my 2 days off) otherwise, they are going to remove my neice & put her in a foster home.
My son cried every single day my first week of working my new schedule b/c he is miserable bouncing from friend to friend till I get home plus he never sees me. Now on the only 2 days he doesn't have to go with a sitter, I am now told I need to do visitation & therefore, I have to find a sitter for my son those days as well.
I am just at a loss. Monday started my 3rd week at my new job & my son still cries almost every night. Not to mention by the time I get into bed, I cry myself to sleep every night beacuse I feel so guilty for never spending time with him. I am so overwhelmed.
Sometimes I think if I had a partner/husband, there wouldn't be a problem as there would be someone else to watch the kids while I am working late & my son wouldnt be bouncing around.
I am just miserable. I don't know if this promotion is worth it, but if I don't take it, they can put me anywhere & I still wouldn't be guaranteed better hours. If I stick with it for the next year, I can request a transfer & keep my pay raise.
My friends tell me that sometimes it takes one step back to get 3 steps ahead. That the sacrifices I am making now (time with my son) will pay off in the future & my son will understand when he is older. But I just don't know. I feel like a terrible mom. I feel hopeless. I am always sad which comes out in stress. I just want to crawl in a corner & disappear. The guilt I am carrying is unbearable.
What do all you other single parents do? I know there has got to be some single moms that work more then one job & don't get to see thier kids...what do you do? My son's school is having a Harvest Festival & I can't go because I have to work...what do you do when you are always missing out on your children's lives???