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Introduction and My story

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 10:24 PM
  • 11 Replies

LIke everyone here I wouldn't be in a single Moms group if I wasn't going to be becoming a single mom.  I was an idiot, had sex with my ex of almost 4 years to see if I could finally walk away from him and be okay on a Friday the 13th back in April, and what do you know?  Birth control failed... But at least I now know that I can get pregnant (never believed I could as I never even got a "scare" with my ex-husband years ago and we weren't using any birth control) and I'm getting a little girl.  

I'm scared to death about being a bad mom or her not getting what she needs from me.  I'm scared of letting my ex boyfriend be involved with her because of how much he hurt me and I don't want him to do that with her.  I'm scared his family (who has money and I'm struggling to get by) are going to try to take her from me.  And I feel alone, I feel like any chance I have of him and I finding some type of working relationship will never happen because he's constatnly angry at me and trying to blame me for getting pregnant (i.e. I did this on purpose crap) and will not even try communicating with me.  And I'm afraid that this means I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.  Because my daughter is going to be my life and my sorry butt is still in love with him, even if he's a self centered narcassist who can't be out of a relationship for more than a week with a habit of lying instead of talking to people.  

I just don't want to "screw up my daughter" I want her to have a good life surrounded by people who love her, care for her, and show her how to be strong and independent instead of a father who resents her because he's having to put her first instead of himself for a change.  

Sorry to unleash on an introduction I just had a lot building up I guess.  

Thanks for reading

Heather

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 10:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Zacknalexmom
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 10:36 PM
Welcome Heather! Sorry to hear of your situation. I'm a divorced single mom. So does your ex want to be involved with his baby? Just try to relax and not worry so much about your ex and his family. If they want to be involved fine,if notthen go your seperate ways. He's a ex for a reason. If you and him don't get along now,then you know its not going to work in the future. Forget about him. Put your child 1st. Your going to be a great mom.
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MommyAJ2921
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:02 PM

What she said! Welcome.. :)

Quoting Zacknalexmom:

Welcome Heather! Sorry to hear of your situation. I'm a divorced single mom. So does your ex want to be involved with his baby? Just try to relax and not worry so much about your ex and his family. If they want to be involved fine,if notthen go your seperate ways. He's a ex for a reason. If you and him don't get along now,then you know its not going to work in the future. Forget about him. Put your child 1st. Your going to be a great mom.


LifeCafe42
by Nora on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:17 PM
Welcome! I'm glad you found us!!!
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alkbco
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 1:03 AM

Hi welcome to the group =) I dont know your story but it sounds kinda like mine. I have a 2yr old and a 6month old w the same guy he has never been in either of their lives. I got back together with him to try and make things work and got pregnant almost within a month and he left again 2weeks before he was born. He also cant stay single and was extremely hurtful to me. I tried ot let him be in the kids life but he was only focused on me and it wasnt fair to them he has no real interest in them. I tried to force it on him and you just cant either he wants to be there or he doesnt. if he wasnt abusive physically towards you and he wants to be in her life I say let him. as far as custody issues you are her mother and it would be very hard for him to take her from you no matter how much money he has unless he can prove you unfit. I wouldnt worry about everything now those just focus on your baby and love her the best you can. Thats all we can really do we cant control others feelings or their actions. I hope everything works out for the best.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:52 AM
Welcome!! So glad you found us!!
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hheartt
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Thank you... I'm still pregnant, due on Jan 8th, & have been reaching this extremely hormonal phase lately so having responses like all of yours is nice to hear.
He keeps saying he wants to be a part of her life, as much as he can, but every time I try to talk about her & how we want to do things he just keeps saying "that's x amount of months away." Which drives me crazy because I'm a planner type person. I know I can't plan for everything but having some "basics" in place would be nice. Especially because I'm concerned with how to make this type of parenting work. Somedays I wish I had never told him & I was just doing this with no father for her. As hard as it would be, I'd almost rather raise her on my own.
hheartt
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:01 AM
She's already everything to me and I don't want her to be hurt more than what life does to everyone naturally at some point. Somedays its just hard to stay strong about the situation. I'm trying to stay focused on her, and honestly can't wait to hold her. I'm just not sure I'll be able to let him be involved because of how much I don't trust him.
MereMcM
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:41 AM

What more better way to introduce yourself, just get right to it, that's what this group is for!  That's tough...I'm sorry you are struggling.  I can tell you that my situation is not the same...married, had a baby, divorced by the time he was 2 because i learned i could not trust him after several issues came up to betray my trust.  I am more thinking of your situation just to provide pure advice...so...look...what I would do is pretty much pretend that your ex is not there.  Prepare yourself to take over...take control of your life...find some friends...get your family around you...do what you need to do to create an inner circle that you can trust.  Pretend that the ex and his family are not there.  It will show him that you can do this, you want to do this, and you are going to do this whether he's there or not.  You can be that person that shows her how to be strong and independent despite her/and your circumstances!  If he choses not to be involved...seriously... that is his loss...and a HUGE loss.  But don't try to make your little girl be the "glue" that keeps you guys together...if it's going to work between you two, it will...and if it won't...there WILL be someone out there for you.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:52 AM

Hi and welcome to the group.  The way I look at it is that your ex does at least want to be a father to his unborn child.  That's a huge plus considering most exes don't.  I would only work on staying healthy for your baby until she is born.  Once she is born then it's up to your ex to be a father to his child.  You are divorced and shouldn't have any care or wants or needs to get back with him.  You are divorced for a reason.  If your ex shows he can be a decent father then that's all there is for you to be concerned about.  Your baby isn't even born yet and you are wondering about the future too far in advance.  From this point forward focus on you and the baby. 

m3ks
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:56 AM

Hi Heather! Just keep your head up honey, the mamas on here are wonderful at helping out and giving great, honest advice/opinions. Find comfort here and try to be strong. I'm going through the same thing right now and sounds like my guy was pretty much like yours, "its always about him, he lies, and always talking to another woman". But my 3 girls had to come first, and its time I found myself. You do the same!

Quoting Zacknalexmom:

Welcome Heather! Sorry to hear of your situation. I'm a divorced single mom. So does your ex want to be involved with his baby? Just try to relax and not worry so much about your ex and his family. If they want to be involved fine,if notthen go your seperate ways. He's a ex for a reason. If you and him don't get along now,then you know its not going to work in the future. Forget about him. Put your child 1st. Your going to be a great mom.


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