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illegitmate child by an illegal alien

 Im a new member to this site and have, and have  since I found out I was pregnant, some conflicted feelings about recognizing my newest addition, my daughter, as a part of the family and loving her the way a parent should and taking care of her above and beyond the basic amt. of care required. Dont get me wrong, I feel TERRIBLE saying this and totally understand its not right and I dont always have these feelings towards her but at times I do and I cant help the fact that these feelings come up at times. A liltle history, I have two amazing sons by my ex-husband who is still in the picture and we share joint custody of them but during my divorce I was dating a great guy, so I thought, with 2 kids of his own who he raised on his own for roughly 10yrs. During our 4 months of dating my birth control had been recalled for 5 months of which I didnt get the letter from pharmacy until 2 months after I found out I was prego. He seemed happy, promised to stay around but had hard time finding work and kept returning to Texas for 2-4 months at a time to save money. I didnt really want a long-term relationship with this man as good as he seemed,l I was in middle of divorce for heavens sake. Needless to say, after going to Texas the last time he told me he wasn't coming back cuz he is NOT a citizen and is working illegally , was not there for his only daughters, that I know of, birth. Was sending money for a little bit but since she was born he kinda fell off the map. Now I feel like Im 'stuck' with this child. I seriously considered adoption to my ex-sister-in-law who I am still very close to and could continue to see her as she grew, but then knowing this is my only girl I selfioshly wanted to keep but as I said, now and then I get these 'trapped', 'unfair' feelings and I feel like the smallest piece of sh*t ever.... Some advice please..

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:27 AM
Replies (31-40):
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 4:46 PM
Please don't keep her just because you want a girl. That is selfish.

You need to seperate your feelings towards her father from the feelings you're having abouf having an unplanned baby. Her father is out of the picture and you have to accept that and move on. If you can't get over your resentment towards her father, you will continue to resent your.daughter and she will pay for it in the long run. She didn't ask to be brought into this world bbut now that she is here she deserves to be loved. If that means adoption is the answer, then get the ball moving and place her with someone who will love her. I also would not place her within the family. She'll get older, wonder why you gave her up, and you'll have to telll her it's because her dad was a POS. Doesn't seem fair to me.
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 4:52 PM

Don't make any decisions right now, what awhile, at least until you hold that baby.  If you are already questioning it, then please just wait.  Changes are hard, but if you are thinking you want her, then please think long and hard about it. 

by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:14 PM

Direct your resentment in the right direction then you may feel better about your child. It is not her fault that she was conceived. If you still feel you can not give her the love or support she deserves then yeah give her up for adoption.

by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:35 PM

Youre not the first to feel that way about an unexpected child, especially when the father skips out. Think hard about it, search your heart, perhaps seek some counseling and do whats best for the little girl. 


by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:40 PM
My sons father is illegal and he dipped out years ago. Makes no difference to me, my son is my son and I love him dearly. I think u should get therapy to help you sort out your feelings. Professional help hopefully will help you decided what you really want to do. I do want to say that my daughters father bailed when I found out I WAs pregnant and I felt like u did. Like I was stuck with a pregnancy that I didn't make myself. But I had her and I can't believe I felt that way. She is my life. I wish u the best. ((Hugs))
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by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 7:41 PM

Wow...I don't even know where to start. I do believe that if you feel guilty, there is hope for you and your daughter. If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel guilty. Are you ever mean to her? Neglect her? 

by Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 7:48 PM

 i know its hard but it will g3et better.

i was 19 when i got pregnant,and 20 when i had my daughter,she is now turning a year old.her father is in the military in south korea,doesnt know how to love a child or evn take care of one.sometimes i feel like i am stuck with her,but when those chubby arms reach out i realize im going to be ok and she is my entire world.

your daughter is nothing but a gift that was ment to be,remember

god never gives you more then you can handle

by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:42 PM

i had some feeling with my second son! found out i was pregnant 2 weeks after hubby deployed and i Did not want anymore kids. but like other poster said he didnt aske to be concieved it happined and i know i cant carry a child of mine for 9 months and just hand him over so i kept him children are always bleesings to be had whatever you choose make sure your gonna be happy with it for a lifetime - also i bet you fall head over heels for her when she is born 

by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 9:38 PM

if you adopt her to your sil, your daughter will wonder why you gave her away.  If you end up giving her up, give her to people who can love her. A closed adoption is best for all concerned. I am the mother of four adopted children.

by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 9:47 PM

In your heart you know what the right thing to do is. The answers you read here are varied. The ones that stand out to you most likely all have something in common. They're the ones telling you what you know is right. Listen you your heart and the voice inside you. If you close your eyes and take a deep breath and relax... what is the answer that keeps coming back to you. Be patient, be honest, listen to your gut.

I wish you all the luck and love in the world.

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