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Am I wrong to feel this way

Posted by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 2:32 AM
  • 10 Replies
I'm having my first child and me and the father are on rocky terms. For most of my pregnancy we havent spoken due to the fact he would call just to argueand threaten me over a item he left at my home. I had to go to block his number to prevent any further harassment. But he had decided to get in contact with me recently cuz I'm due at the end of this month. I'm tryin to be civilized about the situation even asked to speak with the person he's with just to get to know each other she declined just because I'm his ex. I pretty much said what needed to be said about what I would like to happen with our child . my only consern is that my child is going to be loved and not be braged into a adult situation.I thought we were on the same page, I'm trying to not let the past get in the way.He's over steping his boundarys by calling me at 3 am and just today he called me just cuz he was bored and loney which I feel is inappropriate . I told him so and he got very irate and texting things to upset me. I already don't trust him .I worry that my son will be subject to things that dont involve him just so my ex can hurt me . I want my son to have a father but I just don't want to deal with the head ache. I wish for his father to have no involvement . I don't know what is the right thing to do.
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 2:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
queensweet
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:13 AM
1 mom liked this
You have to let him know that he is not to call you whenever he feels like it. stop feeding into the calls and texts by answering them. Let him know that if it isnt related to the baby then there is nothing to discuss. This is the time to be stress-free & prepare for the baby. when the baby is born, file for full custody, cs and a visitation schedule. If you drag your feet or dont file, there is a strong possibility you may live to regret it. I hope things work out for you.
DCR1
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:45 AM
2 moms liked this

Well you can start by not participating in these childish games anymore, bottom line if you don't participate then he doesn't have anyone to play with., you both have let go but not really, you say you blocked him but then he had to get in touch with you because your due this month, when he called today had you immediately hung up the phone you wouldn't have the chance to know why he called you, any reason is insignificant if as you say he's over stepping his boundaries and this is the kind of things that keeps him coming back and doing the things he does. You need to be the adult here, set the boundaries since clearly he won't, and stop allowing him to dismiss them let him know what's expected of him as the father of your unborn child, make sure he's court ordered for child support, you don't  need to involve the new girlfriend into this, she's right, until such a time if your child has to stay with your ex, you are looking for a responsible man, well he's obviously not and he isn;t going to turn that way in a month, you can't change him,you couldn't during your time together and you can't now. those phone calls and all, are nothing more than controlling tactics, they're bragging rights for him so he can state he has it like that therefore it shouldn't be too hard a decision, tell him if he's going to act in the capacity of that baby's father, then that is all the business he has with you, no more sporadic phone calls,and stand behind those words by hanging up the phone on him, if he calls again tell him the next one will be blocked, and follow through that day if he calls your bluff., Your moving on but welcome him in his child's life, however what you two had is over, he has since moved on and so have you, and its time you did, you keep waiting for him and a miracle, i see it in your message, and you'll be wasting your time and your life and better does exist, don't short change yourself! 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Oct. 6, 2012 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Only respond to any communication only about your child
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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:52 PM

I agree, it's not appropriate for him to say those things or call you at that time of the night.  I'd be upset too, and I'd be sure to let him know that it's not appropriate or welcome.

(((hug)))

whitneymf
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:09 PM
Wow I don't think our situations could be more exact. I know how you feel, but I also don't know what to do.
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PaperClip811
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:31 PM

ex's are a pain in the ass ( a lot of the time) so just be prepared for that to continue. 

Nothing you've said indicates anything to me about the type of parent he will be. I dont think at this point you have much bases for excluding him from his son's life. 

jamieharper08
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 7:52 PM
1 mom liked this

If anyone takes from me raising my children (stress, sadness, anger etc) I cut them out of my life. I am the main one raising my children and think good health is a very important roll.

ame4c
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 9:57 PM
You can not make that decision. You allowed him involvement the day ypu slept with him and created the baby. Only a court can take that away now. If this man want to see his kid then make him take you to court. You need to decide now if you want his name on your childs birth certificate. Talk with a lawyer and make sure you know your rights. Some states if both parents are on the BC then they have jpint custody until the courts say otherwise, meaning he can take ypur kid and never bring it back. So make sure you find out your rights and options.
TTink87
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:20 PM

Dont give into his harrasment, really its just harming the baby. You shouldnt be stressed. Tell him to stop, or you can take legal action. Honestly you have to do whats best for the baby and if you feel that he will only put the child in a bad situation then dont let him be around the baby. You dont owe that man anything if he wants to be in the childs life make him prove it by fighting for it.

Musiq_Junkie
by Bronze Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:53 PM
This!


Quoting queensweet:

You have to let him know that he is not to call you whenever he feels like it. stop feeding into the calls and texts by answering them. Let him know that if it isnt related to the baby then there is nothing to discuss. This is the time to be stress-free & prepare for the baby. when the baby is born, file for full custody, cs and a visitation schedule. If you drag your feet or dont file, there is a strong possibility you may live to regret it. I hope things work out for you.

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