Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Please don't get me wrong I love my daughter more than the world but I sit here at home watching Disney channel I think how would my life be different if I waited to have sex. Would I be in a 4 year college? Would I have more friends? Would I get to be a normal teenager? What would have been my relationship with my daughters dad? I don't know why I am thinking this because I love my daughter more then anything, I would rather have her then be out. Maybe it's because I am having a challenging time with all that's been going on. I don't like living back at home and getting no space and my daughter is still having a challenging time with being away from her father.

Wow I didn't think my post would be so popular.Please don't get me wrong I love my little girl with all my heart and the thoughts I have aren't going to change how much I love her. Another thing my daughter is 4 so I have been a mom for a while however I am new to the single mommy life.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 7:59 PM
Replies (191-200):
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:24 PM
Nope not even close I was 14 when I had my baby didn't get married lived with my ex for almost 6 years till stuff happened and as we speak is not part of my daughters life. Right now I am in online school through my community college, but I don't like that. Would love to be in a classroom but that's not a option with work during the day, and day care is only open till 6.

Quoting Sweet_Carol_126:

There are no guarantees.  I assume you got pregnant and got married early.  If you had waited do you think you would have married him?  Did you marry him?  I has to be difficult to move back home.  My sister married after high school and before she got pregnant.  She still ended up divorced and was hard to get the child support and she moved back with mom.  there was only mom and her and her daughter and that worked okay but it is hard when you are not on your own.  My sister did manage to buy a house eventully.  Her child support was only enough to pay the sitter while she worked.  Nothing toward her support.  and most of the time she didn't get the support, especially after she remarried.  She did finally collect in a lump sum and bought her a used Corvette (was after her daughter was gone from home).  Kids today are getting pushed into sex much too soon.  I've seen letters from kids 12 years old worried because they hadn't had sex yet and they are children.  They didn't really want sex but felt they had to or that somthing was wrong with them.  fortunately our church teaches us to wait and my kids had a much better chance and they had several years after high school before they got marred and kids came about a year later.  they both finished college.  I wish you had as well.  Perhaps you can still do college.  the government is helping single mothers go to school right now.  Check into it.  You may have to go at night and perhaps you can get a parent to watch the kids or your baby's daddy to keep her while you go to classes and then pick her up.  too many fathers don't keep an active part in their child's life.  I hope your daughter has a better daddy than that.  good luck to you.  I finished college after work and then when kids were grown, went to law school.  I didn't graduate until I was 50 and should have done it a lot before then. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:29 PM
We all have what if's. I have 4 girls now.I always feel I would have been happier with only one girl and a boy.just love ur girl as if your life depends on it and by the time she grows up u'll have time to catch up on are doing great already by been a mom.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:30 PM

We all have those what if's.

Though your focusing on what if's that you percieve as good things you aren't getting. Everything happens for a reason. If you didn't have her you might be in a worse situation. Or dead. We don't know. For every possible positive outcome there is an equal negative one.

We could go nuts trying to figure it all out. I always wondered what if I hadn't been so lazy in school. I could have been a straight A honor student. But I hated homework, and hated waking up in the mornings. But my son trumps all those past regrets, because to change even one thing, could result in me not having him.

It's perfectly fine to feel the way you do. To think those thoughts, just don't let them drown you :)hugs

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:23 PM
I always think what if I would have gone to college before I had my baby, what if I would have gotten on birthcontrol, what if I would have dumped my SO for my best friend who knows what would havw happened but I wouldnt have this amazing child. And be soo happy to have him Had him at 19, living on our own (me&SO) for 2 years before we had him.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 1:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I wasn't young when I had my dd (I was 23) however, people do ask me if I would've chose to have had my dd if I knew her father/my now estranged husband was going to turn out such a sociopath and I tell them yes I would have. She was the blessing that saved my life, made me realize how strong I was, the blessing that doctors said wasn't even going to survive being in my tummy and now is the light of my life. Some days its so hard and we have been through some struggling "adventures" tryna make it on our own but I truly can't imagine my life without her. When I'm having hard days, I remind myself everything happens for a reason :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:04 AM

You should post this on a teen mom forum.  Maybe some will rethink their options.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:13 AM
I did post it on young moms on here.

Quoting grey7399:

You should post this on a teen mom forum.  Maybe some will rethink their options.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:01 AM

What-ifs are normal. I have some of my own. "What if my third son hadn't been stillborn?" But then I wouldn't have my daughter. "What if I hadn't married my ex-husband (who was a colossally lousy husband)?" But then I wouldn't have any of my great kids.

What-ifs are normal and natural, especially when things are tough. JUst try to concentrate on the here and now. Looking backwards too much can be really painful, and you can lose sight of the good things in front of you right now.

And don't give up the college's never too late to go back!

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:15 AM

 Trust me, sweetie. Never get caught up in the what ifs and greener sides of fences.  Not to be preachy, but God puts us where we will grow spiritually.  It must be hard being a single mom.  This doesn't mean you can't go to a 4 year college.  LOTS of people do.  And, you may qualify for grant money to help pay for it.  Good luck, mama!

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:26 AM

I agree that "what if" moments are natural. Especially when we are going through challenges. I feel that way sometimes and I did everything "right." College...job...marriage...then baby. There is no one way to do it "right" I just say that because many believe there is a best/proper order to things. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had taken the career path and had more time to travel and experience other things. The joy I have in my DD is great, but it is a trade off. Sometimes you can do both, but when they are older. Don't feel like because you are a single Mom that you are alone in all this. I would find a local moms group like MOPS (, etc. and find a group of women who are right there in the trenches with you and are there to encourage you through the challenges. Mothering isn't easy, especially as a single mom. It's amazing how when I open up about stuff I "try to handle myself," I get a lot of other moms at MOPS saying, "me too!" It's a huge emotional load off my shoulders to know that I'm not the only one! Neither are you! 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)