My name is Mandi and I have a 9 month old son named Caleb. After a 3 year relationship (1 year and a couple of months of which we were married) I have finally realized that the hope I had in change and a better life never really had any basis, and that my soon to be ex husband was not willing to give me son and I the life of happiness that we both deserve. I've dealt with alcoholism, financial irresponsibility, and more cheating than I can even recall at this point, but have been so worn down and stepped on that I always managed to forgive or make excuses for his actions, blaming myself for not being a better wife, thinner, happier, more spontaneous...whatever I could make up at the time. I finally realized that this is not my problem, that I do deserve a better life, and that even in those times when I doubt myself that my son most definitely deserves better. I'm having a really hard time right now because this has all come to a head in the past few days, but i'm trying to take steps to move forward, keep my head up, and get through this the best I can. It's ridiculous to me that it can hurt so bad to leave a husband that has caused me so much pain. At times i want to pick up the phone and tell him to come home, but I know I can't do that. I have spent the last 3 years hoping that things would get better, and it's really hard to get out of that mindframe and accept that things will not get better, he will never treat me like I deserve to be treated, and that the family I had dreamed of having with him is just that - a dream. I see a lot of struggle in the near future, and was just wondering how you all got through this. I hear it gets better, but it's hard to believe at this point. It seems almost unbearable right now. It doesn't feel right to sleep alone, I'm going to have to take down my wedding pictures...so many things to do, and so many painful memories. How do I get past this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? How long does this last?