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23. Single mom. Jobless. Depressed to the max, Guidence.

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 1:51 PM
  • 19 Replies
Hi ladies. I really need someone to just express everything that am feeling right now. Because I feel that my life it's upside down. I am a mother of a beautiful 4 year old girl, I love my daughter with all my heart. I was born and raised In NYC but moved to Massachusetts at the age of 17. I got pregnant over there and had my baby girl at 18. Long story short. In Massachusetts my life sucks. I used to live with baby daddy but we had so many problems that I moved back to my mothers house and ever since I been there. I love my mom she is a very great woman but lately she wants to control my life like if I was a little girl and I really dislike that. I did a course of medical office and my plans were to just be independent. Am in NYC right now, and so far it has been so hard for me to find a job in the field that I want. I want to provide my daughter with a stable home, and sadly I haven't. Am just so depressed, and I feel like giving up and just go back to Massachusetts. (Although I don't want to). My plan was to be here in NYC get a job and look for an apartment for me and my daughter. Sadly it has been so hard for me. I just feel lost I have no one to talk to. Right now am staying at my dads house in NYC, & my mom (who lives in Massachusetts) is always pressuring me. She tells me I can't wait to u move by yourself, get a boyfriend and tell him to move u. I hate that fact that she tells me to get a man just to move me into a house. Am lost confused so depressed. I have so many goals in life that I want to pursue,but I feel like in order for me to pursue them I need to stabilize my daughter and I.
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 1:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lurion
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:04 PM
2 moms liked this

Much love and support your way. You can do this.

Thank God you have an education in a good field and two parents who are willing and able to help. So much going for you that many young moms don't have! 

You said it yourself--you need to stabalize first. Maybe if you sat down with your mom (or dad) and made a plan for  6 months or a year, take whatever job you can, that would put her fears to rest and she'd be less controlling. It would also give you a light at the end of the tunnel, to know you're moving out and will have saved enough money by then to move without the panic. 

Your daughter will be starting K within a couple years, and things get so much easier then.  

Just blow off your mom's stupid statements--so many women grew up believing that a woman's only chance in life is on a man's coattails. 

Be resourceful, be creative, be humble enough to take help where you need it. 

I had my baby when I was 22 and single, and in the early years it was a bit unstable. Then I got married and it was still a bit unstable. :) Such is life. My baby's 22 now, just graduating from college and is grounded, smart and beautiful. That will be your daughter in 18 years. 

happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:12 PM
It gets better.

Take a job, any job. you are more likely to get hired in the field of your choice when you are already employed.

Just relax. volunteer in the meantime. its a great way to make contacts and get your foot in the doorIin some unexpected places!
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LoveMyTrio
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:44 PM

I echo Lurion's advice.  You are right to focus on stabilizing your life for you and your daugther right now.  While it's frustrating to live with one or both of your parents while you are an adult, try to think about the end goal.  There are always bumps in the road along the way to your destination.  They make you who you are, and they alays make you stronger.  If you start to view your situation from a positive angle, you may not be as upset (i.e. you are not homeless on the street, you and your daughter have food and nourishment, you are physically and mentally able to work, etc.).  When you start projecting positive energy into your live, you attract positive outcomes.  I know it's hard, trust me, I've been there and wanted to tell the person giving me this advice to buzz off.  It's true though.  Keep us posted.  I'll say a prayer for you and your daughter.

God Bless


Quoting Lurion:

Much love and support your way. You can do this.

Thank God you have an education in a good field and two parents who are willing and able to help. So much going for you that many young moms don't have! 

You said it yourself--you need to stabalize first. Maybe if you sat down with your mom (or dad) and made a plan for  6 months or a year, take whatever job you can, that would put her fears to rest and she'd be less controlling. It would also give you a light at the end of the tunnel, to know you're moving out and will have saved enough money by then to move without the panic. 

Your daughter will be starting K within a couple years, and things get so much easier then.  

Just blow off your mom's stupid statements--so many women grew up believing that a woman's only chance in life is on a man's coattails. 

Be resourceful, be creative, be humble enough to take help where you need it. 

I had my baby when I was 22 and single, and in the early years it was a bit unstable. Then I got married and it was still a bit unstable. :) Such is life. My baby's 22 now, just graduating from college and is grounded, smart and beautiful. That will be your daughter in 18 years. 


brieri
by Platinum Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:51 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Realize you are doing the best you can.  It is difficult in times like these not being able to find a job.  Don't worry about moving, it's probably not best at this time.  The election is coming up soon.  If you haven't gotten your degree in the field of your choice, it's probably best to stick with it.

If your adamant about finding a job, you have to be looking on a fulltime basis, just as if it were real work and not stop.

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 8:52 PM

Welcome to the group!

I think you're on the right track.  My mom used to say things like "you better marry someone with money", etc.  In fact after my divorce she said "now you can find a rich man".  I know she's joking (sort of) but.... lol

Anyway, we're glad you're here.

Quoting Lola0289:

Hi ladies. I really need someone to just express everything that am feeling right now. Because I feel that my life it's upside down. I am a mother of a beautiful 4 year old girl, I love my daughter with all my heart. I was born and raised In NYC but moved to Massachusetts at the age of 17. I got pregnant over there and had my baby girl at 18. Long story short. In Massachusetts my life sucks. I used to live with baby daddy but we had so many problems that I moved back to my mothers house and ever since I been there. I love my mom she is a very great woman but lately she wants to control my life like if I was a little girl and I really dislike that. I did a course of medical office and my plans were to just be independent. Am in NYC right now, and so far it has been so hard for me to find a job in the field that I want. I want to provide my daughter with a stable home, and sadly I haven't. Am just so depressed, and I feel like giving up and just go back to Massachusetts. (Although I don't want to). My plan was to be here in NYC get a job and look for an apartment for me and my daughter. Sadly it has been so hard for me. I just feel lost I have no one to talk to. Right now am staying at my dads house in NYC, & my mom (who lives in Massachusetts) is always pressuring me. She tells me I can't wait to u move by yourself, get a boyfriend and tell him to move u. I hate that fact that she tells me to get a man just to move me into a house. Am lost confused so depressed. I have so many goals in life that I want to pursue,but I feel like in order for me to pursue them I need to stabilize my daughter and I.


ec19863
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:00 PM
Hi sweetie. Iam a single mom of 3. I have felt like thisi have always had a job. But even with job $ goes as soon as you get paid. I don't know how nyc works but md social services has a program where if un employeed they put u in a class and find job for you.. medial feild is a need right now . But as long you stay focused for your little girl you are doing right. Strength and independence is must. Learn to take care self because you can't take care of or love anyone if don't yurself. mke man last thought because they come and go daughter is with you always and don't lie with a man. To go home and know its yours is best feeling and option of pace if ever argue with a man. ((Love & hugs))
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lnrmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:07 PM

Hi! I had my girls young and by the time I was 23 I was a single mom to two. Its hard, but its worth it. If I were you, I'd complete the course in the medical field. From your post, you only did one course... did you complete the program? If you did not, go back and do that. If you did... maybe you need more training. Take a look at the classifieds and see what jobs are posting and train for those jobs. Then apply to every hospital, I know there's more than one. And take ANY job there, just to get your foot in the door.  If you completed the course, contact the school regarding job placement assistance.

I'd also apply to be on the Section 8 housing list, or housing, or whatever it is there, so that you can find affordable housing for your family.

Is your daughter's father paying child support? If not, file. Child support enforcement can go across state lines.

As far as the depression, darlin' there's a lot of women in your shoes now, have walked a mile in your shoes before, and unfortunately will be coming down the same road behind you. This is not uncommon. But those of us who have come before you can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that it will all work out and in 10 years you will look back and say "ahh... what a ride". And you'll be content. Well, so long as you keep moving forward you'll be content. :)

If you are feeling like you need some help to deal with that depression, there are programs out there that can help you. Please call 211 and they can hook you in with resources in your area that can help you. Please do not look at seeking help as a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.

((((hugs)))))

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:37 PM

Welcome!

KRIZZ25
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I DONT EXPECT PERFECTION FROM ANY ONE..BUT I DO EXPECT RESPECT .
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by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:33 AM
i,m 36 wth 3 kids no job.. i know all to well what ur going throw ..just thank it could be worse..
michiganmom5150
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:39 AM
You do not need a man. Just a plan. I live with my 2 kids with my parents. I have a bf, but would not consider living with him until I move out and can support myself for a while. It's important to me to know I can do it. You need to get a job and set up a plan that is doable for you. Working will boost your self-esteem too! Did me!
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