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Should a 3 Year Old Attend a Funeral?

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Question: Woud you let him go?

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Only If I Went With Him


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So...a while ago, my ex TOLD me that he was taking my son to a funeral.  I told him I didn't think appropriate...the argument was cut short when I found out that the woman (his paternal grandmother) hadn't even died yet!!!  This was two months ago.

Well...she died Friday.  The funeral is Saturday.

Since my last argument with my ex and his new gf (an escort) in early September, I havent heard from either of them about the funearl again.

Well my ex mother in law called me last night.  Not knowing any better, I answer the phone.  She proceeds to tell me that she wants to take Devyn to the funeral on Saturday and asked if I can meet her in Orageburg on Friday.

For the first time in my life, I didn't beat around the bush.  I flat out said...no, I don't think its appropriate for a 3 year old to go to a funeral.  She gets quiet and tells me that she doesn't see a problem with him going and that I am welcome to come if I fear for his safety....clearly she isn't getting it so I ask her if Devyn has ever met the deceased...she says no...I say so...don't you think its strange to take a 3 year old to a funeral for someone he has never met?  She spends another two minutes or so justifying it and then tells me to think about it.

I have a pretty decent relationship with her.  I bring Devyn to her whenever she is in town and she does little things for him (sends him money a few times a year, buys him presents on Christmas and birthday) and I really hate to ruin the relationship but it also upsets me that she doesn't acknowledge that I as a mother am saying that I don't feel comfortable with it and she keeps pushing.

What would you guys do?

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Replies (231-240):
Ihold8Stars
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:19 AM
2 moms liked this
I think your caplocks on...


Quoting Pattiann236:

HE IS YOUR CHILD, IN YOUR CUSTODY, YOU HAVE THE FINAL SAY.  IF THE CHILD HAS NEVER MET THIS RELATIVE AND THEREFORE WAS NOT CLOSE TO HER I WOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT LET HIM ATTEND.  IF EX-MIL DOESN'T UNDERSTAND, SHE IS JUST GOING TO  HAVE TO GET OVER IT.  THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON HERE IS YOUR CHILD, NOT HER FEELINGS, HOPEFULLY SHE WILL NOT TAKE THIS OUT ON YOU ANDHER GRANDSON.  LET US KNOW  AND DO ONLY WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT FOR YOUR SON.     PATTIANN


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april545
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:21 AM
1 mom liked this

My 2 year old daughter is very close to my dad her paw paw and unfortunately he is fighting brain cancer, we go and paw paw sit as she calls it 4 times a week, I will not allow her to go to his wake because she doesn't need to see him in a box, that will later be put in the ground.  I don't care what anyone has to say about it I don't want the last time she sees him that way.  I think you are right to stand your ground for your little one, if your mil has a problem with it she will just haveto get over it. That is your child.

mamalove1023
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Death is a part of life.  I see not reason for him not to go as long as he is a typical 3 yr old.  Thats not saying he won't need to be prepared and debriefed after.  Good luck.

Ihold8Stars
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Maybe you should read it again...


Quoting jonnlilithsmom:

I didn't get the impression that the guy who is dating an escort had a whole lot to do with the situation, beyond bringing it up months before the deceased even died... it's grandma who has now demanded the child's presence, and who intends to bring the child, not dad, from what I read

... and yeah, mom, being the primary caregiver gets to decide in this situation

Quoting sha_lyn68:


Quoting jonnlilithsmom:

if you aren't comfortable with it, don't do it...

it may have been his great grandmother, but he didn't know her, and he won't regret having missed the funeral in future, so there's no reason for him to be there.

you will just have to stand firm with grandma... this is the way you want it, and this is the way it's going to be, period.

sorry for not having any advice to make it easier for her to swallow

Her son's father also wants him to go. The OP isn't the only parent their son has. She doesn't get total control over what their son does.



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specialwingz
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:26 AM

I think it's more about someone asking to take the 3 year old to a funeral.  It's not like his mom is going to a funeral of a close family member and not sure about taking the child.  It's someone ASKING her to take HER child to a funeral.  I find that odd and highly inappropriate.

Quoting boeks:

I took my son to at least two funerals befor he was 5. He was very good for me. I think young children understand better what's going on and respond well. I've seen several small children at funerals and they seem to be more concerned with making people feel better then causing trouble.


WildLilli
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:31 AM
2 moms liked this
Funerals are a time for family... I would let him go. He won't understand what is going on and he will be a brightness in a very solemn time... A light at the end of the tunnel of you will, to remind the family left behind that life does go on.

So that was a very long winded way to say, i don't see why you would have an issue with it. The family clearly wants him there.
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WildLilli
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:33 AM
3 moms liked this
It is his father and grandmother... Not some stranger.


Quoting specialwingz:

I think it's more about someone asking to take the 3 year old to a funeral.  It's not like his mom is going to a funeral of a close family member and not sure about taking the child.  It's someone ASKING her to take HER child to a funeral.  I find that odd and highly inappropriate.

Quoting boeks:

I took my son to at least two funerals befor he was 5. He was very good for me. I think young children understand better what's going on and respond well. I've seen several small children at funerals and they seem to be more concerned with making people feel better then causing trouble.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mnmo3bb
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:39 AM
1 mom liked this

I have been to a lot of funerals, all my grandparents and mom dad have passed away. I never not took my children... Funerals are a time for family to come together and remember a life lived. A lot of families only see each other at funerals and weddings... I don't see a problem with it at but do think that you should go with so if your son has any questions, YOU can answer them. I don't think our children should be shielded from death. 

   
Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

disneyrose
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:44 AM

In y cutulre children do not attend funerals,  unless it is for someone they were very close to

courtneyrvoss
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:32 AM
1 mom liked this
I say do what makes you comfortable. The way the post was written, I wouldn't let my child go. Children do not even understand the concept of death until they are much older and taking him to the funeral of someone he never knew would just confuse him.
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