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Should a 3 Year Old Attend a Funeral?

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Question: Woud you let him go?

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Yes

No

Only If I Went With Him


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Total Votes: 510

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So...a while ago, my ex TOLD me that he was taking my son to a funeral.  I told him I didn't think appropriate...the argument was cut short when I found out that the woman (his paternal grandmother) hadn't even died yet!!!  This was two months ago.

Well...she died Friday.  The funeral is Saturday.

Since my last argument with my ex and his new gf (an escort) in early September, I havent heard from either of them about the funearl again.

Well my ex mother in law called me last night.  Not knowing any better, I answer the phone.  She proceeds to tell me that she wants to take Devyn to the funeral on Saturday and asked if I can meet her in Orageburg on Friday.

For the first time in my life, I didn't beat around the bush.  I flat out said...no, I don't think its appropriate for a 3 year old to go to a funeral.  She gets quiet and tells me that she doesn't see a problem with him going and that I am welcome to come if I fear for his safety....clearly she isn't getting it so I ask her if Devyn has ever met the deceased...she says no...I say so...don't you think its strange to take a 3 year old to a funeral for someone he has never met?  She spends another two minutes or so justifying it and then tells me to think about it.

I have a pretty decent relationship with her.  I bring Devyn to her whenever she is in town and she does little things for him (sends him money a few times a year, buys him presents on Christmas and birthday) and I really hate to ruin the relationship but it also upsets me that she doesn't acknowledge that I as a mother am saying that I don't feel comfortable with it and she keeps pushing.

What would you guys do?

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Replies (31-40):
2girlsMom.MN
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 1:47 AM
2 moms liked this

I've always taken my kids to funerals regardless of age. DD1 first funeral was at age3 and my DD2 first funeral was at age2. My kids are 7years apart in age btw. They were well behaved, and nothing negative came from it. 

Infact I would rather my kids go to funerals at a young age maybe someone they are not very close to and get use to them. It's alot easier to deal with a funeral of someone very very close to you when you have previous experiance with funerals. I say this losing my mom at 19. Thank God my mom's funeral wasn't my first, it definately helped I had been to other funerals before, I atleast knew what to expect. 

We lost my brother and my grandfather last year within 2 months of eachother. My girls came to both.  I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  My 4yr old has been to 3 funerals before she was even 3years old. 

JamminOutMama
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:13 AM
I wouldn't want him to be around the escort. If I wanted him to attend I'd take him myself
lizziebreath
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:21 AM

 I went to my great grandma's funeral when I was 3. I still remember because they had all the kids come up and do a song.

Is he generally good for more serious occasions like church? If so then it might not be a bad experience for him.

TAG_ur_it
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:27 AM

i have, but the situation was much different than yours.  if you are not comfortable with it, then the answer is no and they need to accept it.  if he's never met the person and he doesn't have to be go, there is no need to put him through that.  let her have him afterwards, but she should have enough respect for you to accept how you feel and not push the issue. 

goddess829
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:20 AM
2 moms liked this

Someone close (like your ex's paternal grandmother) is a place I believe is acceptible, especilly if your exMIL and ex wish to take him.  We, and all his brothers, took our children (all very young) to his grandfathers funeral.  My husbands grandmother wanted them there.  The kids were all well behaved and when they saw someone they knew crying, would go over and hug them.  Not only did it teach the kids about death, it taught them how to behave at a serious event.  The hugs made everyone feel a little better as well.

love makes the world go round
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:30 AM
1 mom liked this
as long as you know he is safe. I don't see the big deal.

I wouldn't take a 3 year old to a funeral but its not your family and its not your call.

his father wants to take him. let him go.
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littlelamb303
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:44 AM

There is no reason for a child that young to go, and if the casket was opened, it would frighten him.  Years ago when a distant aunt/uncle died, I refused to allow my then 4 yr old to go, it was not necessary as she was not close to them at all.  My stupid SIL took her toddler and was telling her she was "sleeping", what a dumbass thing to say to a young child. The kid should NOT have been there at all.   The ONLY time it is appropriate for a young child to go is if the child was close to that person, if it was a brother/sister, mom, dad, etc.. otherwise absolutely not. 

littlelamb303
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:48 AM


Quoting 2girlsMom.MN:

I've always taken my kids to funerals regardless of age. DD1 first funeral was at age3 and my DD2 first funeral was at age2. My kids are 7years apart in age btw. They were well behaved, and nothing negative came from it. 

Infact I would rather my kids go to funerals at a young age maybe someone they are not very close to and get use to them. It's alot easier to deal with a funeral of someone very very close to you when you have previous experiance with funerals. I say this losing my mom at 19. Thank God my mom's funeral wasn't my first, it definately helped I had been to other funerals before, I atleast knew what to expect. 

We lost my brother and my grandfather last year within 2 months of eachother. My girls came to both.  I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  My 4yr old has been to 3 funerals before she was even 3years old. 

I don't see that the way you do.  I went to many funerals/.wakes before my mom died and before I had a stillborn.  I do not think my experience with funerals eased my pain one bit or helped me as a matter of fact.  Both times were about as bad as it can get.  Even if I had never gone to a funeral before, the pain and shock would still be the same.

clp0930
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:48 AM

I definitely see your point. Your little boy didn't know her in life and three year old's cannot understand the concept of death yet. Maybe just explain that while you're sorry for their loss you simply feel a three year old can't handle a funeral very well.

rockinmomto2
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:15 AM

I took my children to my fathers funeral (they were about 15 months and just over 3), but it was just a burial at the cemetary (he was creamated). I think that if there's an actual body there, it's hard for a 3 year old to process. My kids are now 5 and almost 7 and they understand the concept of death pretty well (we've, unfortunately, had a lot of death in our family the last few years).  If you're not comfortable with it, just say no.

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