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Should a 3 Year Old Attend a Funeral?

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Question: Woud you let him go?

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Yes

No

Only If I Went With Him


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Total Votes: 510

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So...a while ago, my ex TOLD me that he was taking my son to a funeral.  I told him I didn't think appropriate...the argument was cut short when I found out that the woman (his paternal grandmother) hadn't even died yet!!!  This was two months ago.

Well...she died Friday.  The funeral is Saturday.

Since my last argument with my ex and his new gf (an escort) in early September, I havent heard from either of them about the funearl again.

Well my ex mother in law called me last night.  Not knowing any better, I answer the phone.  She proceeds to tell me that she wants to take Devyn to the funeral on Saturday and asked if I can meet her in Orageburg on Friday.

For the first time in my life, I didn't beat around the bush.  I flat out said...no, I don't think its appropriate for a 3 year old to go to a funeral.  She gets quiet and tells me that she doesn't see a problem with him going and that I am welcome to come if I fear for his safety....clearly she isn't getting it so I ask her if Devyn has ever met the deceased...she says no...I say so...don't you think its strange to take a 3 year old to a funeral for someone he has never met?  She spends another two minutes or so justifying it and then tells me to think about it.

I have a pretty decent relationship with her.  I bring Devyn to her whenever she is in town and she does little things for him (sends him money a few times a year, buys him presents on Christmas and birthday) and I really hate to ruin the relationship but it also upsets me that she doesn't acknowledge that I as a mother am saying that I don't feel comfortable with it and she keeps pushing.

What would you guys do?

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:39 AM
Replies (51-60):
tinky_00
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:08 AM
I would say no. There often seems to be a reception time for family and friends to spend time together after the funeral and maybe she can take him to that instead.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
munchkin79
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:17 AM
1 mom liked this

I have taken my kids to funerals at a young age.   Maybe there is going to be a lot of family there and they would like them to meet your son. I don't think it would hurt him to go.

la_bella_vita
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:19 AM

 

Quoting Melissa_4:

If your son didn't know his father's grandmother, I don't think he should be in attendance.  3 is really too young to sit through the wakes and the funeral, and it seems like both his father and his paternal grandma are wanting to just show him off.  This is not the time or place for it.

 I agree

mayra411
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this
Hi, maybe I can help, as a funeral director the only thing I can suggest is that maybe you can make an appearance with your child, young children have a way of softening the death for so many...but as a mom I can understand how you feel wanting to protect him, good luck and lots of hugs
singlemom1208
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:21 AM
2 moms liked this
Yes. Kids shouldn't be shielded from death. It's a natural part of life.
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singlemom1208
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:22 AM
Hi! I'm a funeral director too.

Quoting mayra411:

Hi, maybe I can help, as a funeral director the only thing I can suggest is that maybe you can make an appearance with your child, young children have a way of softening the death for so many...but as a mom I can understand how you feel wanting to protect him, good luck and lots of hugs
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fairyjester
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:29 AM

young children like that do not belong at funerals

SevysMomma
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this

DS went to a funeral at 2. I don't see a problem with it, especially since they are so young and unless you bring her right to the casket, she wouldn't even know what is going on.

However I wouldn't bring anyone unless they were close with the deceased or closely related.

MrsNewman
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:38 AM

If he was close with her, it would be a different story, but he's never even met her ... that seems cruel to take him to a funeral of someone he's never meant. 


MrsNewman
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:40 AM

There is a difference between a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old. At 2 no, they probably wouldn't notice what is going on ... at 3 yrs old, they may not understand it, but they will have some sense of what is going on. 

Quoting SevysMomma:

DS went to a funeral at 2. I don't see a problem with it, especially since they are so young and unless you bring her right to the casket, she wouldn't even know what is going on.

However I wouldn't bring anyone unless they were close with the deceased or closely related.


----- "I totally take back all those times I didn't nap when I was younger"
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