Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Lustful Ways

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:17 AM
  • 14 Replies

Hi ladies. I was hoping to not have to come back on here with another sob story. But here comes. I have been on and off with my kid's father for over 10 years. I know, get it together right? Well he has had this constant thing with cheating and talking to other women and as many times that I have told him that I don't like it, it continues to happen. He tells me that it's just chat and that I shouldn't be worried about anything. The last time we broke up it was for a year and I had the hardest time trying to take care of the kids on my own. I would have mental break downs and fall into a deep depression. So after that last breakup I said that if and when we got back together again that I was going to try my best to ignore his sneaky behaviors and just focus on taking care of myself and the kids just to have his help. Whenever we break up I never have his help. He completely disappears and later tells me that he thought that I didn't want him around, which in a way is somewhat true. But now I am really trying to be mature about this and accept any little help that he can give me with the kids whether we are together or not. Well we have been living together for a while now and he has been so much of a help that I am afraid to be without him.

The other night I looked through his phone and found that he had been chatting with women back and forth on different websites. I told him that it really doesn't surprise me because he's done this so much but I am still hurt. He tells me over and over again that he will not do this, but it eventually happens one way or another. I also noticed porn videos and several pictures of himself naked in his phone. I was disgusted. He told me that he took those pictures when we were apart and that he is addicted to talking to other women. I know that I can't by any means fix or change him. That's not by job. I am stressed over this. I am taking classes at a local community college right now and working part time. It's been so hard for me to focus on the things that I need to get done because my mind is so weighed down by this relationship. I know the best thing would probably be to let it go. But would that really be best. Should I continue on with him to get the help while I'm in school and trying to get on my feet and keep the fact that he loves women in the back of my mind? I'm trying to weigh my options. I really need him. He can't afford to live on his own so I it actually worked well because we were able to help one another. He would watch the kids while I work on the weekends and some nights and even help out a lot around the house. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if it would be smart to continue doing what we are doing just to keep his help or to just do away with it. I know that I may not be thinking to clearly right now because I'm hurting. It would help to get the opinions of other single mothers or women who have been through a similar situation. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:17 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:27 AM
3 moms liked this

You need to lose the dead weight.  Does he help with rent or bills at all?  Or make any contribution besides babysitting his own children??? 

I only have one child but I've been a single mom since he was 6 weeks old.  I'm 24 now and he is 3.  I worked full time and went to school full time until I finished my double BA.  I know it is hard and I know that not every situation is the same.

I say lose the dead weight.  Rely on family and close friends to help.  If you go to church, talk with your pastor about childcare, sometimes they have emergency funds for stuff like that.  Talk to your admissions office at your school and see if they have any childcare programs.  If you arent' working full time already, you really need to get a full time job.  Become self sufficient, dump him and live your life!

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:29 AM

And its none of my business but I would really hope that you wouldn't continue providing certain baby making activities for a guy who clearly doesn't respect you.  Kick him out of your bed.  Maybe being kicked out of his bedroom will make him realize how close he is to being out the door!

by Natasha on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:34 AM
Only u know how much u can handle. I wouldnt put up with that crap. Its stressing u out and affecting u emotionally. Ur kids can pick up on ur stress. I would kick him out.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Natasha on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:38 AM
And good for u going to college. Thats awesome!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Live as roommates instead of lovers. Separate yourself from him emotionally and do you.
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:50 AM
1 mom liked this
You have yourself in a vise, huh? You two are each others crutches and one of you needs to learn how to stand up on your own two feet. He's your emotional crutch and you're his physical crutch. Children are viewing this toxic relationship and will possibly grow up believing that's how a relationship should be.

My advise to you (and I say it in the most loving way) grow a backbone. You're in school to better yourself. You have a job. Seek counseling. He can still be there for his children. You two do not have to be in a relationship for him to physically and financially support his offspring.

You have to believe that you are better than what he has to offer you. You deserve someone who will respect you. Something that he is not doing.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:09 PM

Thanks ladies for all of your advice. To devynsmommy09, no i have not been doing any baby making things lately. I completely cut that off. I have been so turned off from him because of all of this. I really appreciate the things that you all have advised me to do. Much love to all of you. Gotta get back to class now. Bye.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:00 PM
I'd say you need to lose him. But, have you considered that maybe he has a problem? Maybe sex addict? I couldn't stay with someone I didn't trust. Maybe live as roomates until you Finish school?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:35 PM

 id rather struggle alone then rely on support from your sham of a relationship. you really have self esteem troubles. you need some therapy.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:42 PM

I was in a co-dependent relationship for far too long.  And, like you, I tried to work things out both mentally on my own and whenever I could talk to my cheating, lying, financial deadbeat of a husband.  What woke me up finally was the mere fact that I was the only one that was actually working on my marriage.  Unbeknownst to me my ex was having an affair for three years.  I'm single now.   Should have been for many years.  Don't end up like me and regret staying with your ex 'just because'.  Dump him and move on.  Get that cs though as your kids need financial support.  Good for you for persuing that college degree.  Focus on what needs to be done in your life now AND actually get it accomplished.  No woman should take this BS from someone who claims they 'love' them.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN