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Advice needed please

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:56 AM
  • 8 Replies

So I have3 kids. 2 which are boys. One of my boys has some emotional and behavioral issues and sees a therapist. Well every time my kids come back from their fathers house from a visit the boys behaviors are terrible. They are very disrespectful,angry,and they swear,and fight. I have brought this up with the therapist a few times but it doesn't seem to get any better. The newest thing was they told my sister they we're goimg to jump her. they only see their for 9.5 hrs a week. I refuse to let him have them overnight.I was just wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I could try and get this behavior under control.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:56 AM
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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:58 AM
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Bust thier asses!  Thats what you need to do...let them know YOU are the boss in your house and they wlll not be able to act that way whent they come home.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:55 AM

You might talk to their dad and find out what happens when they're with him. Maybe it's something he's instigating or letting them do. Also it sounds like their acting out over the split, I don't know what the therapist has asked them.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:32 PM

Most of it is probably acting out over the split.  The comments you might want to address with their dad and ask him to watch how he talks or acts with the kids.  The split up is hard on them too and kids do not know how to deal with the emotions they feel because of that.  They do not understand them.  They are acting out the only way they know how to do. 

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:42 PM

Family counseling and see if ex will participate. Prayers.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I kind of have this issue w/ my 3yo DD when she comes back from visits.  I've noticed that when she acts out, it's her way of getting ANY attention that she can possibly get out of me - even if it's negative.  When I have realized what she is doing- I immediately drop what I am doing and go to her, ask her questions, give her positive attention and let her know I am not there to ignore her -as I am assuming her dad does when she is there, b/c once I give her that positive attention, she is my sweet girl again. Have you tried talking to the boys- at their level and saying "WHY?" are you doing this? what can you do to prevent it - like KDouglas2 says - bust their ass if needed- YOU are the boss, don't let them walk all over you!!!!

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:00 PM

I let them know all the time that I'm boss it works for alittle time. It's hard to talk to their father because he tries to make me feel like it"s my fault that every thing happened. I do ask them why they do it and they can't give me an answer or they say cause I'm mean. 

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:36 PM

Take them all to the therapist.  If their behavior doesn't improve, get a letter from the therapist discussing what ill effects visitation w/dad is having on them.  Present that to the court and PRAY that the judge will listen.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:45 PM
A lot of kids act out when they come home from visiting the other parent. It's part of having to transition from one house, one parent, one set of rules/expectations and changing to another. It's hard for kids. They are put in a difficult spot that they didn't ask to be in and they don't have the coping skills that come thru age and experience.

I'm not saying it's ok. Just that it helps to understand where it's coming from.

I think family counseling would help even if dad refuses. The kids need coping skills and an outside party they can be honest with regarding their living/family situation.
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