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single mom thoughts?

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:24 PM
  • 6 Replies

I will make this short but w/ enough back ground to get correct feedback.  I left my DD dad when she was 16mo - she is now 3. He pays monthly child support, but there is no other court order in place - custody, visitation, etc.  She lives w/ me of course and at NO time does her dad make attempts to see her extra - she visits him only every other wknd - totally 4 days/month. 

My question is - since she lives with me, he has made no attempt to ask for her to live w/ him (nor does he want to see her more than his 4 days/month) would a court see it that I have sole custody and he only has visitation rights?  I am wondering if if I don't need to go through the courts to get court ordered sole custody b/c w/o any court order, he could take off w/ her at any of his visits and I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.  I don't think he would b/c he barely sees her as it is now- sadly she is just not his priority, booze and his new girlfriend are.  I have sent certified letters letting him know he does not have my permission to cross state lines with her, however I firmly believe he has gone against this.  I know a lot of this is only "my rules" b/c there is no court order- but again he has made 0 attempts to see her more than he does.

So- should I get a court order, how do I even do this (state of KS) I don't have $ to hire an attorney.  Do you think a judge would award sole custody to me based on the fact he really wants nothing to do w/ her other than his alloted wknd visits?  I am open to any questions that may need answered.  Thank you for reading!

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:24 PM
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Replies (1-6):
amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:11 PM

Since you believe he may be crossing state lines with her occasionally, I'd try to get a court order for visitation, but remember that might backfire and he may end up getting more visitation or even partial custody.

Robsessed98
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:39 PM
i think that there should be a court order in place no matter what the situation is. Just because he only sees her 4 days now doesnt mean he wont change his mind tomorrow and want 7. Yes, as it is now he could take her and not bring her back if he wanted. Its always better to have that court order as insurance. Contact legal aide. Depending on your income, they can hook you up with an attorney for little or no money.
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MicahBoo07
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:39 PM

 I was told by a judge that when I said I don't like him taking my son to IL we live in IN she said as long as its his time with the child and back by the time he needs to be back to me then its ok and nothing I can do about it.

You may not get that either but having a set time agreement with the judge is best to have in case he takes off with the child u can prove that there are set times/days he gets the child. If u have concerns tell the judge and speak up with everything u need to say so the judge can think about all things not just one or two.

If u go for full custody he may not like that and might ask for half just to spit u. If u think he won't then do it. First get him to sign a paper saying u can have full custody so u can show it to the judge that has a date on it too.

Arwyn724
by Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:49 PM

Without any court custody order in place, he can take her and you would have to fight to get her back, if you could even locate them.  Each parent has equal rights to their children until a court gives one more over the other.  You may get joint or sole custody, but then you have guidelines he must follow.  As it is now, you have no protection.  

If he does not show up for court, you will be awarded sole custody automatically.  If he does show up, you will probaby get a joint custody agreement, unless he gives up custody voluntarily.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 3:02 PM

 i would call him and let him knwo you are making your arrangement legal, but you are not trying to change the actual visitation schedule. filing should be free. there is a fee for mediation (which the judge will order you both to attend) and if he agrees then the problem is solved.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 3:02 PM

 oh btw if he is crossing state lines now, even with a court order he will do so probably and just hide it from you.

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