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So many questions for someone so small!

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:07 PM
  • 7 Replies
So I'm looking for a bit of advice. My daughter is almost 5 years old. She has been going to daycare and is now in preschool. Like most kids these days she is extremely smart and very curious. I am now starting to get the questions of "who is my dad" " why is my dad not around?". I'll give you a bit of a back story as it may help.
My daughters father and I were basically inseparable for 9 years. We were best friends and more. When I became pregnant, I knew it wouldn't be easy. He tends to run away from anything that is difficult to handle. We talked about it. He was very presitant on wanting to be there for the child he was going to work really hard on his "flighting" situation ect. Of course, this was wonderful news. However, I saw how it was going to be as I was pregnant. He wouldn't tell Anyone in his family (I was 30 weeks before he finally did) that I was even pregnant, would rarely come around, kind of stopped talking much to me in general. So I was ready to raise my daughter and not have much input from him.
As was expected when I had the little lady he didn't see her for her first year of life. He then brought me to court for "more" visitation. Which he never showed up for and saw her two times sometime after her first birthday.
Needless to say, my little girl doesn't remember him at all. She is now asking about him allot. I never want to lie to her about her Dad but I feel like she is looking for more from me than I am giving her. I don't know the line of protecting her and the line of the knowlege I know she needs to hear. As of now I tell her how every family is different. Some have a mom and dad, some have just a mom, just a dad. Some can have two moms or two dad ect. But all those kids with all the different families have the same love and fun that the other get to have. She wants more. She asked what his name was. So I told her. Then she told me to tell her he was dead. I told her that wasn't true and she started crying and told me to just tell her that. My heart is so broken for her.
As a parent you want to give your child the world and more and I feel awful I couldn't even give her a Dad. It breaks me to see her like this. Any input on how I should talk with her about this? How should I phrase these things?
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:07 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Robsessed98
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:17 PM
1 mom liked this
She doesnt need to know the details. Just tell her that mommy and daddy are happier not being together and that he is living somewhere else now. Tell her its not her fault and that daddy loves her even though he cant be with her. Beyond that, she doesnt need to know anything else for several more years.
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Refurbished
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:20 PM

Where is he now?  What about his family?  Do they have any interest in her at all?

RarelyALazyDay
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:29 PM
He actually lives in the same town as we do but he changed his number and I don't know his address exactly. When she was first born I would try and bring her to him but he wouldnt answer the door things like that. I tried to just have the family see her but they would sit there and keep saying to her " oh your dad will be so excited to see you". "Your dad is going to come and see you today". And none of it was true. So after trying to tell them over and over again that that is not heathy or right to say to her they don't see her either. (plus they have some substance abuse issues which I wouldn't let them just take my daughter while they were still doing things like that. And they didn't agree with it)
ProudMama011613
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:42 PM
I agree with the first reply, tell her daddy loves her very much but he cant be here right now. Tell her you will talk to her about it when she is older.. I know it hurts because she cant understand it all right now but you have to keep holding on to the knowledge that you are doing the very best you can do, and she will see that when she is older
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RarelyALazyDay
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:47 PM
So I understand that people say "your dad loves you. He just can't be around. ". However, I don't want to lie to my daughter. I don't agree with saying that your dad loves you because as she gets older she will associate love with abandonment. The truth of the matter is he was ready to be a dad and it doesn't mean she has a family that loves her any less than other families do their children. I just don't know how to put the truth to someone who is five and have it be okay. I'm trying the we will talk when your older but she isn't taking that as an answer and I feel guilty from holding back from her. I would never trash talk her dad to her or speak unfavorabley about him to her but I don't know how to say the truth without making him into "a bad guy"
RarelyALazyDay
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:48 PM
*i meant to write wasn't ready to be a dad.
RarelyALazyDay
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:08 PM

BUMP!

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