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So I think I already messed up. My friend has been coming over a good bit with his daughter and she says daddy a lot I thought I would have time he's only two to figure out what to say when he starts asking questions. Apparently not. So he asked me why he doesn't have a daddy and I said because hes a boy and I'm a girl so you have a mommy not a daddy. It just popped out. Any suggestions what I should say next time? I don't want to say your daddys a loser who walked out on us.. But I want to tell him the truth
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by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:42 AM
Replies (11-17):
AMV09
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:50 PM
Bump!
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:05 AM
This is my plan

Quoting lissetteP:

tell him his dad wasn't ready to be a parent but hes a very lucky boy because he has a mommy and family who love him very much
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lissetteP
by Silver Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:47 AM
Yea I guess mine too :/


Quoting LifeCafe42:

This is my plan



Quoting lissetteP:

tell him his dad wasn't ready to be a parent but hes a very lucky boy because he has a mommy and family who love him very much

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MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:56 AM
1 mom liked this
When my sons dad wasn't around and he asked me if he had a daddy I told him yes he has a daddy but he lives far away and can't be here. And as to why I told him I didn't know. Don't lie but don't go into detail.
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chicanueva
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 1:55 AM


Quoting MeeshMom:

When my sons dad wasn't around and he asked me if he had a daddy I told him yes he has a daddy but he lives far away and can't be here. And as to why I told him I didn't know. Don't lie but don't go into detail.

This is pretty much what I told my son when he was 2 or 3. Give him the amount of honesty he is ready for. Tell him dad's first name maybe. Remember, at this age anything you tell a child is likely to get repeated at daycare or where ever.  If the subject of daddies comes up, it may be easier to deal with "My daddy's name is Steve and he lives far away." Than, my daddy wasn't ready to be a parent."

At some point, you might want show him a picture of his dad. It's normal for a kid to have questions..and there will be more and more. I'm sharing from experience. My older son's dad was not around, lived in another state. But, at least he wasn;t abusive so I did manage for them to meet about once a year.

Someday, perhaps as a teen, your child may want to see dad...but deal with that when the time comes. Just keep letting your child know he's loved by his family. Families come in all shapes and sizes.

Andreaboy kissing mom

FilmmakerMom
by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 11:22 AM

I just noticed your reply post to my response to you...yes, definitely at some point - waaaaay in the future you should tell them "why"...I certainly plan to, in my case I did NOT necessarily keep my boys away from their daddy (although he likes tos pin the story that I did!), but I definitely had to get my boys OUT of the same houelhold with him... we were not in eminate danger (unless you count psychological distress a reason...which actually my firstborn's pediatrician actually cautioned me on when she "witnessed" the dad's behavior in a physical exam of our 3 day old baby, as well as emails he sent our doctor (he was interfering with my breastfeeding and accused me of not properly sadlling our firstborn during the first few weeks (he was bron in April! not a cold month and I did saddle and cover him!).  He also accused m of potential danger to the baby - sent a picture to our doctor of our son - a zip up pajama (the "sack kind" not totally zipped - so he decided the baby was in danger of being suffocated!  Of course our pediatrician recognized this behavior as some kind of "disorder" on the daddy's part NOT mine...and of course she felt our baby was NOT in danger but that I was!  She ordered him in for a one-on-one meetiong with her then with me - she informed us that she had to keep "records" on this and that if she felt that our son was in danger due to this "stress" (since it could affect my ability to breastfeed) that she woudl have to report it... of course thsi meant she woudl report teh Dad...but due to his psychosis, he actually thought she meant me!  It was really a sick situation... again, we were NOT in imenent physical danger, but the undo stress was crushing... how do I explain this to my boys later in life?  I will figure it out...I will tell you that I stayed 6 months and then left him...but with the promise I woudl come back if things "changed"... would you believe we were together for Thanksgiving weekend...and I became pregnant with our twins!  I did not find out until months later! (I was breastfeeding #1 and my period had NOT returned...and I have easy pregnanices - no symptoms!).  I know this sounds crazy, but I truly believe thsi was G-d's gift to me (as are ALL children!) - truly a GIFT because it was obviously clear to G-d and me (and ALL my friends and family) that I coudl NOT return to the father...and I always stated I did not want to raise an "only-child", so I am positive that this was G-d's way of solving that situation since I'm "older" (in my 40s) and not the type to run off to find another man to have a child with... My twins were TRULY a gift and gave me my FULL and almost instant Big family!  I became pregnant when my firtsborn was 7 months old  - I went from NO children to 3 boys in 15 months!  OK, I shared a lot more than I expected to!  But, I guess I hope this shows that I do have a "story" to tell my boys...and it is a GOOD story...I will always tell them I kept their best interest in mind...which meant that I needed to keep myself "sane" so that i could take care of THEM properly!  Their dad is VERY angry at me...and sadly shows it by NOT being part of their lives...he claims he does NOT visit because I am a "gatekeeper"...really?!  If he loved them properly, he would visit them and at least pay child support (he started then stopped after an argument we had...I am now taking him to Court!).  SOOOO, as far as your situation... while your reasons are probably different than mine, it sounds like you were in some kind of "danger"...and we ALL know that thsi comes on many different ways, forms, etc... You are the BEST person to decide what you can tolerate and what you can handle in order to take care of yoru children, so do NOT question your decision to leave the father of your children...do not question your decision to STAY SAFE... later on, you can share what you feel are the important parts of the "story" to tell your children... as long as you continue to keep them safe and care for them, they will understand what you share about yourreasons...since they will be the same...since your love for your children is at the CENTER of ALL your decisions!  Best wishes!

Lisa M in Silver Spring, MD

iHay
by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 11:28 AM
He's 2? He doesnt need a big answer at that age. Tell him daddy isnt there. When he's older just tell him the basic facts but dont talk bad about his father.
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