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Behavioral Issues in 10-year-old

Posted by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:12 AM
  • 6 Replies

My 10-year-old daughter has behavioral issues, and I have had enough of the tantrums and drama. Last night was the final straw. Luckily, I have an appointment with a counselor next week, but it just won't come soon enough.

 I have been working on getting my daughter her own room, finally separating her from her 13-year-old sister. The process hasn't gone as fast as she'd like because her bedroom is also my office, and I can't just pick up and move the big roll-top desk anywhere in the house. So we brought up her bed and she's been sleeping in it; however, in the last week or so, she has wanted to sleep with me, coming up with every excuse in the book: "I'm scared."  "It's too hot in my room."  "My bed's messed up."  It differs each night. On one night, it was 2 a.m. in the morning, and I was groggy from sleep, so I let her crawl in bed with me. But, I do not want this to become habit. She is going to be 11 next month, but I swear acts as if she's four! Last night, I flat out told her no when she asked to sleep with me. But, she hates being told no, and kept on badgering me and pestering me and repeating, "Can I sleep with you? Can I sleep with you? Can I sleep with you?"  Then, "Why can't I sleep with you?" "Why can't I sleep with you?" "Why can't I sleep with you?"  I know enough to know that this is verbal abuse, and that, as a parent, I should have the upper hand. But she is no ordinary 10-year-old. She is RELENTLESS! I want to borrow that line from "The Help," and say to her, "Aint you tired, Miss Hilly? Aint you tired?" How can she exhibit so much energy and never tire of it? I am physically drained by the end of the day. Not a day goes by when she doesn't start a battle with someone, either me (more so me) or her sisters. EVERY SINGLE DAY! In fact, last night I noticed some neighbor kids outside playing and told her she could go play. "Go have fun," I said, trying to get her out of my hair. She replied, "I am having fun! I am having fun fighting with you!" She has even gone on to call me names, like fat, ugly, and bitch. And she has said things like, "I hate your guts." "I wish you weren't my mom," "I am going to run away and get into a better family." "I am going to hurt you."  Last week she held a pair of scissors to her sister's throat, and last night, she pointed a hammer at me and said she was going to hit me with it. Now, I don't know if she'd actually hurt us that way, but even so, it is scary, and I am afraid I may be raising a sociopathic daughter.

I am hopeful that the counselor will give me some guidance and refer me and my daughter to a psychiatrist. I can't take this anymore. She's the only one out of the four girls who behaves this way, although they can, at times, also be verbally abusive to me.  I stopped using the excuse about their daddy dying a long time ago. Sure, it was traumatic for all of us, but it does not give them the right to treat me like crap. I am still their mother.

If you have had similar circumstances with your child, how did you handle it? I don't want to be told we need counseling. We have HAD lots of counseling. What we need is a PSYCHIATRIST who can do an assessment of her. I am working on that. But, in the meantime, how do I, as her parent, ensure safety for us all and not get caught in her drama? People also tell me to "walk away," but that doesn't work, either because SHE FOLLOWS ME!  She has even gone so far as to bang on my bedroom door when I lock myself inside, yelling, "Let me in!"  She will then resort to kicking the door. I am at my wit's end. 

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:12 AM
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by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:25 AM
Hugs. I know this is very difficult for you but you have to set firm boundaries with her. Sounds like she is very psychotic from the behaviors you described. If she starts becoming vi0lent again, you need to call the police. If she is bold enough to hold a pair of scissors to her sister's neck & raise a hammer to you then imagine what she will do when you are asleep.
by Gold Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:54 PM

Hugs.  I agree with the mom above me, if she starts becoming violent again you need to call the police to protect yourself and other children.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:28 PM

(HUGS) Sounds like she has a lot going on and probably needs to talk to someone.  She definitely needs to be evaluated. 

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:31 PM

I met with Children's Mental Health yesterday.  It sounds like they are going to work with me here, but first I must fill out a series of questionnaires to see if my daughter qualifies for psychiatric evaluation. I have my homework cut out for me this weekend. So I feel better now that I have at least started the process.  It will take some time as I am just another case in a slew of other cases. They also said to call the police next time she threatened any of us. This, then, would also create a paper trail. 

I love my daughter, and I want the best for her. I think I've been in denial that there was anything mentally wrong with her. But I can no longer live in fear and denial. It is time. 

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 3:54 PM

 Hugs momma

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:29 PM
Is there anything you've tried to change about how you react to your kids or handle situations differently? Sometimes the way we respond and the way we discipline can help in addition to seeking help for our kids. I've been experimenting with different discipline methods that work much better. And my son always tries to sleep in my bed too. I'm starting a couple books this week. "5 Love Languages for Kids" and "How to make children mind without losing yours". I'm hoping this will help me and we are going to see a child psychologist soon as well. Good luck to you.
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