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need some wise advice

Posted by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:27 PM
  • 14 Replies
Hi ladies my name is grace I decided to join this group because I'm going through a separation and its only been a month ..I guess I was desperate to be back with him after two weeks but he rejected me and said he was happy with out me . It is hard to accept we were together for six years and we have two beautiful kids . They too are having trouble adjusting to it. I'm more hurt to know that he went back to his ex. I feel like maybe she's better than me and maybe his life is great now.. how can I cope with this?
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by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ImaSoulMom
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I know this is a difficult time for you. Coming from a similar situation, the only thing I can really tell you is to focus on your kids. If he decided to start a family and then walk out, that is on him. Also, for me the hardest part was not letting him see how much pain I was in.

Please read "It's called a breakup because its broken" by greg behrendt. Not only is it a funny distraction but the worst mistake to make is to call or ask why. My exes new ho used that as an opportunity to torture me.

Be strong. Whatever happens you need to think of your children first.
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devynsmommy09
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:45 PM
4 moms liked this
Girl, snap out of it. You didnt lose him, he lost YOU and two beautiful kids. Right now, focus on the kids. Make sure that if shit hits the fan you could financially support yourself. Are you working? Are the kids school age?
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ChgIsGood2012
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:51 PM
3 moms liked this

Hello Grace. Welcome to Cafemom. This is a place for you. Find your niche and get whatever you need here. There are many women here of different beliefs and experiences. But as you post and open up, you'll find that many moms can relate to you and you to them.

With that said, I hope this advice can be useful for you. Your question is "how do you cope?" You cope by having hope. I always ask, do you believe in the power of God? Not just the idea of Him, but that despite disappointments and triumphs in life, His love will carry you beyond what you know?

Well, what happens when you don't feel that trust? Well, you have to have faith anyway. My little personal philosophy: Everyday that we get a chance to wake up, we have a opportunity to do better in some way. We have a chance to live and make a difference - whether in our own lives or that of others.

So this is my advice to you: Live! Just live! Life is about the joys and the pains. The good moments and the not so good. And if you have just a little bit of faith, you can see some great changes in your life. Your emotions will understandably enough be all over the place. But, every day that you get to wake up, make the best of it. And as you go along in the days, you'll see that you will eventually begin to feel better.

How long will it take? I can't answer that. But if you have faith that it will get better, then you will be better. Jesus said "do you want to be well? then take up your mat and walk" So I apply that to our day to day lives. Do you want to be well? Then start moving.

I've been in places where I felt like I couldn't go anywhere. But I started moving. Made a better attempt to not focus on the failures or the disappointments. I started making better family decisions. Paying more attention to my son. Better health decisions. I took my down moments and used it to make me better. I started walking. Then eating healthier. Then I started feeling better. Because of the lifestyle changes, I started sleeping better. Everyday is a journey. I have good moments and not so good moments. But thank God there are more good than not. You are going to think about your ex. But stay focused. Unfortunately, that man chose to walk away. Let him go on. You get the energy now to focus on you and your children.

Don't be afraid to take care of you. Yes, our children are VERY important in our lives. But truth is, if you are not well, then you cannot be well for your children. If you need to seek counseling, then get it. If you need to take about an hour to exercise or do whatever you do to relieve stress, then do it.

But with all of the advice, and you just may receive better advice that is useful for you, I would like to encourage you and say that you will cope. More than cope, you will thrive. But you have to want to. You are strong. You were built for this.

Take care

Zacknalexmom
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:54 PM
1 mom liked this
Agree. Consider it his loss not yours. You maybe better then his ex. After all you are the mother of his kids. Focus on your kids and yourself. I know it's easier said then done. In time you will heal. Then you can look back and laugh at him for being a Loser. Take care of yourself and kids. ~hugs~

Quoting devynsmommy09:

Girl, snap out of it. You didnt lose him, he lost YOU and two beautiful kids. Right now, focus on the kids. Make sure that if shit hits the fan you could financially support yourself. Are you working? Are the kids school age?
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gracegon07
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:11 PM
Thanks ladies y'all already put a smile on my face lol. I do appreciate the comments ..I will look for that book indeed and to the other comment yes I'm able to provide for my kids but mydaughter is not of age for school yet my son just started but so far things are coming together next step will be our apartment.. god bless u all..thanks so much
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chels210
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:17 PM
1 mom liked this
The best advice I have is go out and do things with your kids! That was the best medicine for me. Even if it is an apple orchard or pumpkin patch. Go to the park even. Get out of the house! You don't have anyone to stop you or slow you down! Once he is gone for a few months he you will realize how much you don't need him. In time, things get better.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:11 AM
Welcome to the group!!! Focus on your kids he lost something great!
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gracegon07
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Hey thanks I really like this website I found it on accident and its great
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kary1124
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:04 AM

i agree, spend youre time focusing on your kids, when my ds's father and i broke up after 4 years i spent a long time just focusing on my ds and myself and not letting my ex see how hard everything was for me. we have an ok relationship now, we're not together just trying to stay civil for our ds.

just take your time and stay strong and dont let him get to you..

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I know this is a difficult time for you. Coming from a similar situation, the only thing I can really tell you is to focus on your kids. If he decided to start a family and then walk out, that is on him. Also, for me the hardest part was not letting him see how much pain I was in.

Please read "It's called a breakup because its broken" by greg behrendt. Not only is it a funny distraction but the worst mistake to make is to call or ask why. My exes new ho used that as an opportunity to torture me.

Be strong. Whatever happens you need to think of your children first.


Cenedra64
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Thats some very wise advise there! I made that mistake of asking why. It dont matter.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I know this is a difficult time for you. Coming from a similar situation, the only thing I can really tell you is to focus on your kids. If he decided to start a family and then walk out, that is on him. Also, for me the hardest part was not letting him see how much pain I was in.



Please read "It's called a breakup because its broken" by greg behrendt. Not only is it a funny distraction but the worst mistake to make is to call or ask why. My exes new ho used that as an opportunity to torture me.



Be strong. Whatever happens you need to think of your children first.
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