Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What am I doing wrong?

Posted by   + Show Post

So, I've been a single mom since I was 3 months pregnant with my daughter. She'll be 2 in December. Is there some kind of trick to actually finding a decent guy that will date a single mother? I've talked to probably around 30 different guys from dating websites. Most would message me first with the usual "hey sexi hw u doin" (literally how they would be spelling and talking) or some other douche bag way of trying to get a woman to talk to them. A lot even would start the conversation with "so u dtf?" These are guys in their 20's, talking like they're still in high school. I never got replies after I told them I had a daughter on the way. I was talking to one guy who was 31, while I was still pregnant, he always told me that he would be with me and help take care of and support me and my daughter. He stopped talking to me a week before I had my daughter. His last message to me was, "I don't want to take care of another man's kid, I ain't dealing with no baby daddy drama." Then he blocked me from the dating website and blocked my number. A year later, I started talking to a 51 year old man on facebook. Started out as just friends, he was divorced, had a 17 year old son in high school, lived in Florida, I live in Texas. Wasn't really expecting anything to develop, long distance relationships don't work out. I was friends with him for about six months when we got more into a serious "friendship". He asked me to be his girlfriend, I was really skeptical about it, only because it was long distance, but I thought about it for about a week, and told him yes. Then he started talking about moving me and my daughter out to Florida to live with him and his son. Probably should have seen that as a big red flag. I told him I wasn't too sure about the idea, he dropped it. Few weeks go by, we had been talking regularly on Facebook, up til just recently. He stopped talking to me on October 3rd. I go to his profile, apparently he deleted me, I clicked the "send friend request" button, then clicked cancel request. I read his "about" section, it says: "will do anyone anywhere anyway ;) moving to Washington!!!" I've sent him a three messages since the 3rd. No replies, he was last logged in last night.

Well apparently I'm a douche bag magnet. Am I doing something wrong? Am I the problem? Has anyone else gone through stuff like this? Any advice?

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 1:12 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:58 PM

I've had good luck on (plentyoffish). Met several guys who are not douchey, very nice, and don't mind I have kids!

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:30 PM
I'm 36 yrs old and a divorced single man. I been divorced 6 yrs and have not found a descent good man. I tried the internet dating thing and got bad results. Men that are crazy,wanting nothing but sex,half of them are married. So i won't ever do the internet dating again. I always tell men up front I have kids and its a package deal. So thats when as like you I don't hear from them again either. I have not been on a date or had a boyfriend in over a year. I gave up and stopped looking. And maybe you should too. Instead of you looking for a guy let the guy find you. Be patient,put your child first and go on with your life. If God intends for you to have a man he'll send him.

Quoting PeaceLoveZ:

And I don't trust internet dating, even though it's more and more common. I would NEVER date a man who had a profile on one of those sites, ever. Sorry, lol, I'm done now.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:35 PM

Nah, you're not doing anything wrong. I think those kind of 'signs' are just God's way of telling you to chill out. Truth is, many men don't want to date women with children. But there are some who will, and who will be good to you. Nothing wrong with wanting a good man in your life. But if you see you are running into the same nonesense, you may just want to chill and just enjoy your life with your daughter. I see you have been a single mom from jump, so I do understand. My apologizes in advance if I seem insensitive. Being a single mom, I understand that feeling of feeling there is a missing family part.

You are not a 'douchebag' magnet. Douchebags just lurk for anyone who they think is desparate enough to deal with them.

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:42 PM
My bf is 24 years older than me. And is absolutely the best thing ever to happen to me. Age is just a number. Maturity is not based on age. I am not your typical 24 yr old. A lot of people do think I am older because of my maturity. When you can find a companion, best friend, and lover all in one. Why does it matter the age?

My kids adore bf. So I am not too worried for the "age gap"

Quoting steviechick:

Well, the dude is 20 years older than you.  Would that age gap actually work?  I wouldn't worry or think about guys like this.  He obviously wanted someone without kids.  He's history.  There's someone out there that is made just for you.  Look forward to that litte bundle of joy.  I've been told as well that when you least expect it Mr. Right comes along.  I'm single and hoping the same for me.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:43 PM
1 mom liked this

check check check check check, right on the money with this advice (except I could never even date more than 1 person at a time.. too complicated) 

Quoting faerie75:

 first. most women are NOT goign to meet a good guy while pregnant. there are exceptions but its rare. most men that will date a pregnant woman are looking for someone vulnerable which really isnt a good quality in men if you ask me.

second, stop the dating sites. most men are loking for sex and are more brazen than they would be in real life. if you must go that route, choose a pay for site, not a free site, or be VERY discerning.

third, be social. find a reliable sitter and go do adult social things every few weeks. make some friends with other single moms to do stuff together and take turns babysitting. you are going to meet more men if you are social and network more.

fourth, date with out expectations. dont expect shit but a nice evening that he pays for. i know this is modern times but to me it shows a man thinks you are worth it if they pay. dont do none of that wathcing movies at the house bullshit, that means they want sex. dont do that until he has consistently taken you out, paid, and been in public with you.

fifth, dont put all your eggs in one basket. date multiple men. dont SCREW multiple men but date a lot. keep your options open. men do it. you can too.

i avoid men who have bad upbringing and are "fixer uppers" they need to have a job and a car. i dont mind if they live with others but i prefer if they CAN live alone if desired.

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:46 PM
Relax & let a guy find you. A good one will come when you least expect him too! I'm telling you!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:57 PM
I have this thing about dating sites. My ex was on every site out there while we were together. So I always assume that the men in there are hiding something. I agree with all the wise ladies before me stop looking and a good man will find you. In the meantime do stuff that makes you happy You never know mr right might be there!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:09 PM

 I totally feel you, I feel the same way all the time. It's been almost 3 years since I left my ex. Only had 2 relationships and they only last a couple months. Other than that just guys who want a piece.

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 10:06 PM
All I can say is, how do you find time? I work full time, watch my 19 m Old baby and I have zero time to even think about dating.
We get back from daycare at 3.30. Prepare dinner, let it cool, play with my son, then dinner, bath time, book time, put him in bed, laundry, dishes, cleaning, organizing toys, do my work and then it's 10 pm or 11 and I can sit and watch tv or read but no time and energy to put a profile together.
So my question is for you, what am I don't wrong? i live alone with my baby btw
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 10:08 PM
[quote name="MsEmma88" id="0"]I have this thing about dating sites. My ex was on every site out there while we were together. So I always assume that the men in there are hiding something. I agree with all the wise ladies before me stop looking and a good man will find you. In the meantime do stuff that makes you happy You never know mr right might be there![/q.

Mine too.maybe we were dating the same
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)