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Ladies, do u ever wonder why some men take on full fledged responsibility to a child/children that aren't biologically his, but can't get him to buy a jar of Gerber for his own flesh and blood? Im having a very difficult time trying to see the logic in this. It really bothers me to witness this and knowing he could care less what happens to his own child as long as his spot with the "other" lover is safe.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 10:55 PM
Replies (31-34):
ImaSoulMom
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:37 AM
At first I felt the same way. It is expected to take care of your own children. If my ex gives those kids a hug. Ooooohs and Aaaahs.

Meanwhile, he barely sees his own kids. Should i give him a cookie when he does? Oh well.
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mhaney03
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:38 AM
1 mom liked this

My ex husband only puts forth an effort with the kids when he's trying to impress me for some reason, getting ready to try to get me back or ask for some ridiculous favor.

It's all about what they can get out of it.

Mia1983
by Mia on Oct. 13, 2012 at 2:00 AM
1 mom liked this

I see where you're coming from.  No doubt that is the case in some situations that fighting will cause a rift between the NCP and child.  But I think it's letting the man off the hook and giving too much blame to the woman to say that is always the case.  Because we've seen so many times how deadbeat men will use these age old excuses: "She's making it too hard for me to see my kids"  "If I didn't have to deal with her, I would see my kids more", etc.  When in reality, if he is truly a dedicated father, he will fight til the end to be a part of his kids' life.  And there is hardly any excuse for a parent-- male or female-- to not help financially provide for a child they helped create.

Showing off probably wasn't the best choice of words.  I mean that a lot of times men will try to impress a new girlfriend by providing some things for her children.  But I think it's easier for him to do that.  Buying the new gal's kids a pair of shoes here and there will make you look like a generous hero to her.  But guarantee, if it came time for him to fork over, say, 23% of his paycheck to help those kids (as he would have to for his bio kids), he wouldn't be so quick to do that.  lol

Quoting SnapIt:

See i dont see it as showing off
Hes in a new relationship, so everything is all good and they are in that stage where they agree and get along and see eye to eye
So hes not getting any shit from new chick... Yet lol
You tend to argue more with the bio parent when its your own flesh and blood then with someone who has their own kid you are hanging with
When people get along and can most of the time agree, relationships run smooth
When couples go opposite ways, friction occurs and who is the one in the middle? The kid/s
When the kids are in the middle what happens?

That cant be showing off, it would actually make him look like an ass


Quoting Mia1983:

I disagree. A lot of times guys will take care of the other kids because he wants to show off. And it's easier because he has no real responsibility to them. But when things go sort, he'll bounce on those kids too



Quoting SnapIt:

The only thing I always see in situations like this is him not getting along with the bio mother, because she wants to run things her way. Telling him what he should do and needs to do. So he tries to keep his distance because of frustration, but doesnt realize how its hurting his kid/s.





Those who get along never have this issue.


DCR1
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 2:28 AM

@ ShelliThunda: when you see him again, snap a pic or two him,  if you can get two different days that would be awesome, have them copied, make sure you get one of each for yourself, get as much information as you can on where he's at and march yourself right back to child support, flop those pics in front of the case worker, as well as his living quarters or whatever information you have on him, and demand someone do their job, let them know if you can do it without all the resources available to them then they shouldn't have a problem, let them know he's created this new family without taking care of the one which already in existence and he needs to be forced to honor his responsibility and the denials that he can't be located needs to end as well as the buck being passed., you see, sometimes the individuals whose job it is to handle dilemmas such as yours get lasy and start lying, they haven't even properly began to search.

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