Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

When does it get better?

Posted by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:33 PM
  • 12 Replies
Let me tell you my story: I met and fell in love with a guy that I thought was great. We were 22 and married 2 years later. There were small warning signs that maybe he wasn't Mr.Wonderful, but not any big time red flags. I'm a quiet, reserved, but strong woman and he was the "popular guy." Literally...he was captain of the FB team, HS class president, super athlete, tons of friends ect. From the very beginning he valued his life over mine. We only hung out with his friends, only did activities he enjoyed, only stopped partying when he was ready. Beings that I'm a pretty mellow gal, I just went along with it. Early into our marriage I got pregnant. His reaction was that I did it on purpose and that I wanted to trap him...really? We were already married... But the reality was that because we had a kid, his life couldn't be the #1 priority. When our boy was about 18mo old, he left me for the first time. In hind sight I should given up in the relationship then. But instead, I took the blame for all of his complaints, tried to do everything he asked, did my best to ensure that he was ok and that his life was going the way he wanted. Fast forward about 5 years and it started all over again. He pulled away emotionally, started gaming out at the bar with work friends and convinced me that the reason he didn't want to be at home was because I was so awful to live with. Again, I took all the blame, tried to fix myself for him, tried to make the relationship better. He left anyways. That was last year. On Mother's Day he told me he wated a divorce. That week he moved to the spare bedroom, a week later he was seeing someone new, two weeks after that he moved in with a friend and a month after that he got a DUII on a CDL liscence. He had the cop bring him to my house. Like an idiot, I let him come home. I thought he had hit his rock bottom. He ended up losing his liscense for a year, having to serve some jail time, completing a rehab program...and I drive him to all if it. Taking him places became my life's work. He needed to go to the gym. He needed to to to therapy. He needed to go to AA. He needed a ride to work. He worked late and needed s ride home. I did it all. Plus I took care of our home and our son. When I got upset because he was so demanding about what he needed and never grateful for what I did for him, the relationship fell apart again. Now here I am. He left me again. He kicked his son and I out of the house a month before he got his liscence back. Screamed and yelled that it was his house because he was the who worked. Told me how he never loved me and that all I ever was was an obligation. My heart is so broken that I don't think it will ever heal. We moved out two months ago and life for my son and I is pretty good. But on a personal level, I am devestated. I feel like I am so angry and damaged that I will never recover. I gave him my everything. I'm a better person because if the changes I made for him, but I don't feel like I'm better off. I am so devestated at the loss of my dream and my future plans.

When will it ever feel better? When will it quit hurting so bad? Will I ever get over the rejection?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:33 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, it will get better.  This man is a selfish jerk who wants only to please himself and you deserve better than that.

Be angry for a while, but then move on.  It's so much easier when you let go of the hurt and bitterness and focus on healing yourself, loving yourself and realizing that you are a worthy and good person.

(((hug)))

Kaya529
by Bronze Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Not only will it get better then it is now, it will get better then when you were with him. It will take time and for each person it is different but it does. You have your child and eventually you will find someone else who actually cares about the 2 of you.

My advice is to take this time to work on you. Also, DO NOT HELP HIM OUT EVER AGAIN. Take his ass to court. Get the house, his paycheck, take it all. Screw that dude.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
EJs_Mama2k10
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 2:43 PM
It will get better when you realize your worth and know that you deserve better than that selfish man you married..find a man that will put you and your child first. Love yourself enough to not take his crap & complaining
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
itsblissmas
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 3:54 PM

I am very sorry you've had to go through this and I hope your heart heals soon. Time is what it takes. Things WILL get better but it can take time. Take the time you need but try not to focus on what has happened but rather what you can do for you going forward. Good luck to you.

hugs

Robsessed98
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 4:00 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes, it will definitely get better as long as you dont take the loser back and let him walk all over you again this time. Divorce the jerkoff and move on. Make a good life for you and your son and dont give the ass another thought. You deserve so much better, someone who is as loving and giving as you are, so move past this, heal and eventually fall in love again.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
brieri
by Platinum Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 4:03 PM

 My advice it will get better.  Get some therapy to help you get through it.  Get a divorce and let it alll go behind you.

MommyAJ2921
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Scary....you sound sooo much like me...you and I lived the exact same thing..in regards to:

"We only hung out with his friends, only did activities he enjoyed, only stopped partying when he was ready.."

I did what he wanted to do, went were he wanted to and we came home only when he was ready (I'm not even going to get into the "partying" if that's what you want to call it!)...if I tried to stand my ground and get him to do things that I liked or hang out with MY friends or come home when I was ready it turned into an arguement. I got so tired of it I would give in simply because I didn't want to deal with it.

I'm going to explain to you the way my mom broke it down to me...because the first part of your post sounds sooo much like my former marriage its eery...

Realize you made an investment...for however long you were with him...and the investment is you took care of him, washed his clothes, cooked his meals, turned his house into a home, took care of his sexual needs and NEVER SAW A RETURN. Be GLAD its over because for this one lame excuse of a man; there's one out there who will give you a gift simply because you said you wanted it.

To quote my brother in law...you've had the sh*t, now its time for the sugar. Getting over the loss, the pain and the end of the relationship will take time..One day, one step. Realize you were good to this man, you did your absolute best to be a great wife and mother...and his behavior toward you speaks VOLUMES about HIS character. Don't take on HIS issues and make them yours. Come away from this knowing you're a great person with a wonderful heart. 

I feel sorry for him..I truly do...love is the greatest gift you'll ever give or receive. One day after he's changed (if ever) he's going to meet a woman he truly, truly loves...and she'll do to HIM what he did to you and in that moment, he'll understand the hurt and pain he's causing you now.

I want to encourage you to surround yourself with positive people, spend time with your son, pray and tell God about it ALL. He will see you through this. You can always pm me if you want to talk...

Remember...one day...one step...focus on you, your son and moving on with your life. The best revenge is to live better. *hugs*

tyfry7496
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 4:21 PM
Extremely well said.

Quoting EJs_Mama2k10:

It will get better when you realize your worth and know that you deserve better than that selfish man you married..find a man that will put you and your child first. Love yourself enough to not take his crap & complaining
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Oct. 13, 2012 at 4:29 PM
It will get better make your focus on you and your son find activities for you to do stay busy
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
otoole
by Bronze Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 4:51 PM

this,. you are so much better than him. i am so sorry for his actions to you and your son,hugs. it will get better in time. stay strong and don't let him back in your life.

Quoting MommyAJ2921:

Scary....you sound sooo much like me...you and I lived the exact same thing..in regards to:

"We only hung out with his friends, only did activities he enjoyed, only stopped partying when he was ready.."

I did what he wanted to do, went were he wanted to and we came home only when he was ready (I'm not even going to get into the "partying" if that's what you want to call it!)...if I tried to stand my ground and get him to do things that I liked or hang out with MY friends or come home when I was ready it turned into an arguement. I got so tired of it I would give in simply because I didn't want to deal with it.

I'm going to explain to you the way my mom broke it down to me...because the first part of your post sounds sooo much like my former marriage its eery...

Realize you made an investment...for however long you were with him...and the investment is you took care of him, washed his clothes, cooked his meals, turned his house into a home, took care of his sexual needs and NEVER SAW A RETURN. Be GLAD its over because for this one lame excuse of a man; there's one out there who will give you a gift simply because you said you wanted it.

To quote my brother in law...you've had the sh*t, now its time for the sugar. Getting over the loss, the pain and the end of the relationship will take time..One day, one step. Realize you were good to this man, you did your absolute best to be a great wife and mother...and his behavior toward you speaks VOLUMES about HIS character. Don't take on HIS issues and make them yours. Come away from this knowing you're a great person with a wonderful heart. 

I feel sorry for him..I truly do...love is the greatest gift you'll ever give or receive. One day after he's changed (if ever) he's going to meet a woman he truly, truly loves...and she'll do to HIM what he did to you and in that moment, he'll understand the hurt and pain he's causing you now.

I want to encourage you to surround yourself with positive people, spend time with your son, pray and tell God about it ALL. He will see you through this. You can always pm me if you want to talk...

Remember...one day...one step...focus on you, your son and moving on with your life. The best revenge is to live better. *hugs*


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN