Let me tell you my story: I met and fell in love with a guy that I thought was great. We were 22 and married 2 years later. There were small warning signs that maybe he wasn't Mr.Wonderful, but not any big time red flags. I'm a quiet, reserved, but strong woman and he was the "popular guy." Literally...he was captain of the FB team, HS class president, super athlete, tons of friends ect. From the very beginning he valued his life over mine. We only hung out with his friends, only did activities he enjoyed, only stopped partying when he was ready. Beings that I'm a pretty mellow gal, I just went along with it. Early into our marriage I got pregnant. His reaction was that I did it on purpose and that I wanted to trap him...really? We were already married... But the reality was that because we had a kid, his life couldn't be the #1 priority. When our boy was about 18mo old, he left me for the first time. In hind sight I should given up in the relationship then. But instead, I took the blame for all of his complaints, tried to do everything he asked, did my best to ensure that he was ok and that his life was going the way he wanted. Fast forward about 5 years and it started all over again. He pulled away emotionally, started gaming out at the bar with work friends and convinced me that the reason he didn't want to be at home was because I was so awful to live with. Again, I took all the blame, tried to fix myself for him, tried to make the relationship better. He left anyways. That was last year. On Mother's Day he told me he wated a divorce. That week he moved to the spare bedroom, a week later he was seeing someone new, two weeks after that he moved in with a friend and a month after that he got a DUII on a CDL liscence. He had the cop bring him to my house. Like an idiot, I let him come home. I thought he had hit his rock bottom. He ended up losing his liscense for a year, having to serve some jail time, completing a rehab program...and I drive him to all if it. Taking him places became my life's work. He needed to go to the gym. He needed to to to therapy. He needed to go to AA. He needed a ride to work. He worked late and needed s ride home. I did it all. Plus I took care of our home and our son. When I got upset because he was so demanding about what he needed and never grateful for what I did for him, the relationship fell apart again. Now here I am. He left me again. He kicked his son and I out of the house a month before he got his liscence back. Screamed and yelled that it was his house because he was the who worked. Told me how he never loved me and that all I ever was was an obligation. My heart is so broken that I don't think it will ever heal. We moved out two months ago and life for my son and I is pretty good. But on a personal level, I am devestated. I feel like I am so angry and damaged that I will never recover. I gave him my everything. I'm a better person because if the changes I made for him, but I don't feel like I'm better off. I am so devestated at the loss of my dream and my future plans.
When will it ever feel better? When will it quit hurting so bad? Will I ever get over the rejection?
on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:33 PM