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Why did my daddy not want me...

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So my soon to be 6 year old DD is super smart and has always had questions about "dad". I have always been able to give some kind of answer, with help from here, well today a movie was playing while I was cleaning and she stopped to look and the little girl said " your dad left before you were born, he did not want you" I changed the tv, by then the wheels in her head were just a going. About 15mins ago she came to ask me was that true for her? Why did her daddy not want her? I really can't answer that question for her the way she want. I tried the normal he was not ready and all that but she said no mommy really why? I just don't know what do say. I wish he had to look into them big brown eyes and answer this question his self, but I have not heard from him in almost 3 years. Have no way of contacting him either.I just hate this part of being mommy.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 7:02 PM
Replies (21-30):
Kaya529
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 9:20 AM
I am not looking forward to that question either. I hope you figure out something. Sorry momma :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
meranda20
by Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 9:35 AM
I have time to make up something because my kids are 3 and 1 an don't know anything about a dad right now but when they are of age i may justy be honest an say they just weren't ready for the responsibilty of having children an it's the truth.
devynsmommy09
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 9:39 AM

I agree with this.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

You answered right.... "He wasn't ready to be a Daddy! Some boys are never ready to become men and take care of their responsibilty!"

I've always been honest with my kids. My youngest son's sperm donor walked out and never looked back. It's been 4 1/2 years since we split up and 31/2 since he's disappeared. I have a way to contact him.... but I refuse to. I don't want him around. Because he's going to lie to my son. He's going to tell him that I kicked him out and forced him away, and changed my phone numbers and moved etc. My house # has been the same # for 5 years... hasn't changed. My e-mail has been the same for 15 yrs, he knows my facebook, twitter, etc. He CHOOSES not to message. DF and I already have a lawyer writing up the paperwork for both of my kids to have DF adopt both of them 6 months after we're married which is just before their birthday so we're going to celebrate both that year. I've been keeping everything hush hush on FB so my oldest son's nosey ex step mom doesn't run back to my ex and try and stop it :P


sunshynee
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 9:41 AM

i have contemplated about this subject since the day i had my son... i know hes only on an a half... but i fear the day he asks me about his "father"... i truly dont know what to say..... me an him were only together for 5 short monthes i dont know to much about him like i know all the basics but besides that i dont know... he left me when i was 4 months pregnant... why he left i have no ideahe never gave me a reason... i have no way to contact him for when that day arises of even a address to send him a letter he lives in ny i live in ri 

Luv.My.Kidz
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 2:10 PM

you don't have to be so blunt when you tell her "He's not around because his priorities are with another family. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, He just decided that they need him more because I'm doing such an awesome job taking care of you on my own!"

Quoting hollinicole:

There is no other way I can word the "truth" with out saying something bad.

He was scared ran off married some crazy ass bitch, actted like you never came till I showed up at his moms house and then only then did he tell his mom and wife. And then started some shit. Said he was going to be around. Seen her 2 more times and then took off again. And last I heard was with some chick with 6 kids and playing daddy to them, even thought their real dad is there for them.


Quoting Mommyto2LilMen:

How sad...just be honest with her..tell her the truth. 


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have 120lbs to lose in 14 months....Can I do it by changing my diet and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


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nerdymom28
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 2:13 PM

 I know the feeling, my dd is 6 as well but has never met her father. He has never even tried to contact us. I have no way to contact him, and probably wouldn't try even if I did.

I lie. I tell her that her daddy loves her, in his own way. And that just means that he lives very far away and that maybe someday, if he decides he's ready, she can meet him. But in the meantime, she has Troy (My SO of 5 years) and Grampa, and uncles and cousins, and lots of other good men that love and support her. I hope that she will get the opportunity to meet her father one day, if nothing else, than to just know what he looks like.

angie2568
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 4:55 PM

 No he does not live with them. My oldest two - the father has only been involved a hand full of times and 2 summers - each week and all weekend and then would disappear for months with no contact. He talked to them and told them that he loves them dearly other than that the conversation didnt go far - he tried to be more of a fun friend during that time he spent with them. I was there, but gave them space and didnt really "hang out" during his time. He hasnt seen or spoke to them since 2009-October.

My youngest his father - hasnt been involved since 1 yr of age.

*I do give updates via mail through family members of theirs and pics when I can. But as I said I tell them that he does love them but just isnt responsible enough to be a parent. It has worked and my kids are at the age of questions, but it doesnt come up, my daughter at times gets upset but we sit and talk about it.

I met my bio father at 14 yrs of age, I didnt have ANYTHING to do with him until I was 17 yrs old. To this day we speak and do the holiday things, but not much more. My step-dad adopted me when my mother remarried, but I always knew who my birth father was.

Its a tough situation to be in and I am honest with my kids.

Quoting ballerossandra:

Quoting angie2568:

I have gone through this with my kids. I told them that he loves them very much, he just cant be responsible enough to be a parent, but he does love you and get updates about school, dr & dentist visits and photos of yall through the years. It was a revolving door off and on for years but now no contact for the kids to him. (14 yr daughter and 8 yr son).


My youngest is 4 his father was involved the first year but not since, only gets photos and yearly updates. He knows his name and that he loves him but I told him I dont know why he doesnt come but he does love you.


Thats all I have known to say and it seems to work.


Good luck Mama - it is really hard but just hang in there believe me I know how your heart aches bc you want him to be there for your child.


does he live them? I'm not trying to be mean but I'm sure a kid will think that if dad loves me he would want to hang out with me.
I'm just trying to plan my own answers for the future

 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 5:00 PM

I agree with this as well.

Quoting LifeCafe42:

Tell her the truth it's hard but reminder her about the special family you have and how much love is there


ballerossandra
by Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 9:14 PM

I meant : does he love them?

now my question may change everything

for me, if you tell me my daddy loves me but he never sees me, I wont buy that

Quoting angie2568:

 No he does not live with them. My oldest two - the father has only been involved a hand full of times and 2 summers - each week and all weekend and then would disappear for months with no contact. He talked to them and told them that he loves them dearly other than that the conversation didnt go far - he tried to be more of a fun friend during that time he spent with them. I was there, but gave them space and didnt really "hang out" during his time. He hasnt seen or spoke to them since 2009-October.

My youngest his father - hasnt been involved since 1 yr of age.

*I do give updates via mail through family members of theirs and pics when I can. But as I said I tell them that he does love them but just isnt responsible enough to be a parent. It has worked and my kids are at the age of questions, but it doesnt come up, my daughter at times gets upset but we sit and talk about it.

I met my bio father at 14 yrs of age, I didnt have ANYTHING to do with him until I was 17 yrs old. To this day we speak and do the holiday things, but not much more. My step-dad adopted me when my mother remarried, but I always knew who my birth father was.

Its a tough situation to be in and I am honest with my kids.

Quoting ballerossandra:

Quoting angie2568:

I have gone through this with my kids. I told them that he loves them very much, he just cant be responsible enough to be a parent, but he does love you and get updates about school, dr & dentist visits and photos of yall through the years. It was a revolving door off and on for years but now no contact for the kids to him. (14 yr daughter and 8 yr son).


My youngest is 4 his father was involved the first year but not since, only gets photos and yearly updates. He knows his name and that he loves him but I told him I dont know why he doesnt come but he does love you.


Thats all I have known to say and it seems to work.


Good luck Mama - it is really hard but just hang in there believe me I know how your heart aches bc you want him to be there for your child.


does he live them? I'm not trying to be mean but I'm sure a kid will think that if dad loves me he would want to hang out with me.
I'm just trying to plan my own answers for the future

 


angie2568
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 10:19 AM

 Yes he does love them, but he knows in his heart he isnt responsible. He has never held a job more than 3 months and hasnt worked a job in 7 years.  He never really grew up, he wanted to party, have millions of girls and questionable friends where he lived at - cussing, drugs, alcohol all hours of the day and night - so no I would NEVER let my kids be there for that. He has visitation but no car, money, insurance to get to my house. And I am not a taxi cab for his needs - did that the first 3 years of my daughter's life every other weekend and fathers day & his birthday.  They get gifts at Birthdays from him. He asks for updates and if there is anything I need that I cant provide for them, he would be there if I asked him to. * My kids dont question the love he has for them (his own way). I have just tried to explain it the best way I can.

I guess every family would handle it differently. Just as my bio father would tell my mom from age 2-7 I am coming to see her and I would be told and half the time he never showed up. Yes I would cry at the time, but bounce right back. So at 14 when I met him, I thought back and was really pissed but at the same time - he wasnt responsible to be a "dad". But I knew in his own way he did love me, so I never questioned that - it was just the let downs of visits.

So I guess each child would need to make up their own mind, but in my family we are very open and if i see them struggling with anything or personality changes - I am very quick to ask them whats wrong and let them know I am ALWAYS HERE, no matter what they can always come to me with anything.

Quoting ballerossandra:

I meant : does he love them?

now my question may change everything

for me, if you tell me my daddy loves me but he never sees me, I wont buy that

Quoting angie2568:

 No he does not live with them. My oldest two - the father has only been involved a hand full of times and 2 summers - each week and all weekend and then would disappear for months with no contact. He talked to them and told them that he loves them dearly other than that the conversation didnt go far - he tried to be more of a fun friend during that time he spent with them. I was there, but gave them space and didnt really "hang out" during his time. He hasnt seen or spoke to them since 2009-October.

My youngest his father - hasnt been involved since 1 yr of age.

*I do give updates via mail through family members of theirs and pics when I can. But as I said I tell them that he does love them but just isnt responsible enough to be a parent. It has worked and my kids are at the age of questions, but it doesnt come up, my daughter at times gets upset but we sit and talk about it.

I met my bio father at 14 yrs of age, I didnt have ANYTHING to do with him until I was 17 yrs old. To this day we speak and do the holiday things, but not much more. My step-dad adopted me when my mother remarried, but I always knew who my birth father was.

Its a tough situation to be in and I am honest with my kids.

Quoting ballerossandra:

Quoting angie2568:

I have gone through this with my kids. I told them that he loves them very much, he just cant be responsible enough to be a parent, but he does love you and get updates about school, dr & dentist visits and photos of yall through the years. It was a revolving door off and on for years but now no contact for the kids to him. (14 yr daughter and 8 yr son).


My youngest is 4 his father was involved the first year but not since, only gets photos and yearly updates. He knows his name and that he loves him but I told him I dont know why he doesnt come but he does love you.


Thats all I have known to say and it seems to work.


Good luck Mama - it is really hard but just hang in there believe me I know how your heart aches bc you want him to be there for your child.


does he live them? I'm not trying to be mean but I'm sure a kid will think that if dad loves me he would want to hang out with me.
I'm just trying to plan my own answers for the future

 

 

 

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