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Why did my daddy not want me...

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So my soon to be 6 year old DD is super smart and has always had questions about "dad". I have always been able to give some kind of answer, with help from here, well today a movie was playing while I was cleaning and she stopped to look and the little girl said " your dad left before you were born, he did not want you" I changed the tv, by then the wheels in her head were just a going. About 15mins ago she came to ask me was that true for her? Why did her daddy not want her? I really can't answer that question for her the way she want. I tried the normal he was not ready and all that but she said no mommy really why? I just don't know what do say. I wish he had to look into them big brown eyes and answer this question his self, but I have not heard from him in almost 3 years. Have no way of contacting him either.I just hate this part of being mommy.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 7:02 PM
Replies (31-31):
ballerossandra
by Member on Oct. 16, 2012 at 11:03 PM

i am not questiong you at all.i am just sharing my inner child.my mom and dad never got a divorced.in fact, they are still living together but i never built a good relationship with my dad.during my entire childhood, he worked far from home most of the time and h would come home 2 a month, or once a month or once every two months depending on where he was.I saw my mom';s struggle asking him to stop working for that company and reasuring us that he loved us.my inner child didnt buy it.My inner child would say, if he loves us, he would listen to mom and change.My adult self may understand that

but again, i am not judging or criticizing you.I am just speaking about myself

my lo is too young to ask that question but i dont know if i will tell him that his father loves him.his father is not irresponsible in many ways.he just wasn't into being a father.he does say he loves his son and that he is proud of all the little things he does..but i dont believe it

so when the time comes, i will see what i tell my son

Quoting angie2568:

 Yes he does love them, but he knows in his heart he isnt responsible. He has never held a job more than 3 months and hasnt worked a job in 7 years.  He never really grew up, he wanted to party, have millions of girls and questionable friends where he lived at - cussing, drugs, alcohol all hours of the day and night - so no I would NEVER let my kids be there for that. He has visitation but no car, money, insurance to get to my house. And I am not a taxi cab for his needs - did that the first 3 years of my daughter's life every other weekend and fathers day & his birthday.  They get gifts at Birthdays from him. He asks for updates and if there is anything I need that I cant provide for them, he would be there if I asked him to. * My kids dont question the love he has for them (his own way). I have just tried to explain it the best way I can.

I guess every family would handle it differently. Just as my bio father would tell my mom from age 2-7 I am coming to see her and I would be told and half the time he never showed up. Yes I would cry at the time, but bounce right back. So at 14 when I met him, I thought back and was really pissed but at the same time - he wasnt responsible to be a "dad". But I knew in his own way he did love me, so I never questioned that - it was just the let downs of visits.

So I guess each child would need to make up their own mind, but in my family we are very open and if i see them struggling with anything or personality changes - I am very quick to ask them whats wrong and let them know I am ALWAYS HERE, no matter what they can always come to me with anything.

Quoting ballerossandra:

I meant : does he love them?

now my question may change everything

for me, if you tell me my daddy loves me but he never sees me, I wont buy that

Quoting angie2568:

 No he does not live with them. My oldest two - the father has only been involved a hand full of times and 2 summers - each week and all weekend and then would disappear for months with no contact. He talked to them and told them that he loves them dearly other than that the conversation didnt go far - he tried to be more of a fun friend during that time he spent with them. I was there, but gave them space and didnt really "hang out" during his time. He hasnt seen or spoke to them since 2009-October.

My youngest his father - hasnt been involved since 1 yr of age.

*I do give updates via mail through family members of theirs and pics when I can. But as I said I tell them that he does love them but just isnt responsible enough to be a parent. It has worked and my kids are at the age of questions, but it doesnt come up, my daughter at times gets upset but we sit and talk about it.

I met my bio father at 14 yrs of age, I didnt have ANYTHING to do with him until I was 17 yrs old. To this day we speak and do the holiday things, but not much more. My step-dad adopted me when my mother remarried, but I always knew who my birth father was.

Its a tough situation to be in and I am honest with my kids.

Quoting ballerossandra:

Quoting angie2568:

I have gone through this with my kids. I told them that he loves them very much, he just cant be responsible enough to be a parent, but he does love you and get updates about school, dr & dentist visits and photos of yall through the years. It was a revolving door off and on for years but now no contact for the kids to him. (14 yr daughter and 8 yr son).


My youngest is 4 his father was involved the first year but not since, only gets photos and yearly updates. He knows his name and that he loves him but I told him I dont know why he doesnt come but he does love you.


Thats all I have known to say and it seems to work.


Good luck Mama - it is really hard but just hang in there believe me I know how your heart aches bc you want him to be there for your child.


does he live them? I'm not trying to be mean but I'm sure a kid will think that if dad loves me he would want to hang out with me.
I'm just trying to plan my own answers for the future

 

 

 


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