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Am I just doomed?..

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:37 AM
  • 15 Replies
Every relationship I've ever had had either been really shitty or last no more than 10 months... am I just not supposed to be with anyone? I fell hard in my last one and we are having a baby, but of course he was a class A ass as well, somewhat caring.. this sucks. Now I feel like I won't be able to love anyone the same way again.. I almost feel ruined. I know I must focus on me and my soon to be born son, but I rely a lot on relationships. I get depressed if I don't have anyone.. advice??
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by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ProudMama011613
by Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 1:11 AM
5 moms liked this

I know of the perfect relationship that you could pour yourself into...you and God =)  That is a relationship that will never let you down, never leave you, never disappoint you.  My advice would be for the time being, yes..give up on being with someone.  Focus on yourself and your baby like you said, and if you get depressed being alone...then turn to God.  The only way to work through your depression is to face it head on.  Its unhealthy to constantly be with someone just to feel validated .  Validate yourself.  Spending serious alone time is the only way to truly find yourself.  Its far more rewarding to be with someone that's with you because they admire you and respect you for how strong you and self-sufficient you are, rather than being with someone because you will fall apart if you are alone.  Yes, it will take a lot of time and a lot of growth to get to that point, but I promise you it's worth it.  Get to know yourself.  Get to know God =)

Shaybay218
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 6:35 AM

I was the same way...Just felt I had to have someone even if  they treated me bad...but after finding myself I stopped that mess!!! My focus now is on myself, my kids and God!! Nothing like sweet jesus...everything is going great...I date here and ther but I have no desire to settle for less...So I know the feeling...pray and pray hard...things will get better! *hugs*

iHay
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:21 AM
Im the same way, im just not content alone but i can be happy. If that makes sense. I had to be happy and once i looked at it more like i have to be the way the man i want will be attracted to will be attracted to. Basically i was being a better person for someone i didnt know existed. It became easier to see and reject the losers and easier to be alone. Find something that inspires you and put it on your wall or fridge to remind you what youre shooting for and then just try to be patient while you wait.
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sweetsorrow2
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:56 AM
I'm 24 weeks pregnant and on my own too. :( try to keep as busy as possible. You aren't doomed. Men are dicks and it's hard to wade through all the crappy ones to find a good one..I think a lot of us wind up settling for someone for awhile because we are lonely..I'm not going to even put myself In a situation where that can happen. No bars, no parties, etc. Raise your kids, put all your effort into them..I think that the right man will come in the right situation and we can't go out looking for them...((hugs)) I'm here if you ever want to vent.
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devynsmommy09
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 9:49 AM

As long as you need a relationship to be happy, you wont ever be satisfied.  In my experience, when you are happy with yourself and just enjoying your life, that seems to be when I meet the most men.

 

Kazmira222
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this
Well I'm a spiritualist. :/ and frankly agnostic so doing something like that is kinda outta the question for me. But thank you, I do understand and appreciate the advice.


Quoting ProudMama011613:

I know of the perfect relationship that you could pour yourself into...you and God =)  That is a relationship that will never let you down, never leave you, never disappoint you.  My advice would be for the time being, yes..give up on being with someone.  Focus on yourself and your baby like you said, and if you get depressed being alone...then turn to God.  The only way to work through your depression is to face it head on.  Its unhealthy to constantly be with someone just to feel validated .  Validate yourself.  Spending serious alone time is the only way to truly find yourself.  Its far more rewarding to be with someone that's with you because they admire you and respect you for how strong you and self-sufficient you are, rather than being with someone because you will fall apart if you are alone.  Yes, it will take a lot of time and a lot of growth to get to that point, but I promise you it's worth it.  Get to know yourself.  Get to know God =)


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steviechick
by Gold Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 10:42 AM
1 mom liked this

I was constantly 'working' on my marriage.  On rare occassion I didn't have to, but I was married to someone very complex, headstrong and very incapable of being fully responsible.   I know that 'should of' 'could of' mentality but when you think you are 'set' in a marriage you don't think about something that inevitably came up in the end.  27 years ago when I first met my ex I never thought he was capable of cheating on me.  Of keeping it a secret for three full years.  Of creating two children with another woman.  I know I didn't have the perfect relationship but I at least knew that my ex wasn't capable of something as diabolical as betraying me.  I was in a co-dependent relationship for many years and I didn't even realize it.  I was miserable.  I wanted more but accepted what I got.  I've been doing what I can to stay sane.  I know what I want in my mate - someone completely opposite then my ex.  I wanted to go on-line and try to meet men but that wasn't my style.  I've seen pictures of the guys that live in my area and sadly they all look like losers, are too old for me, or guys I know would never work out (education).  Yes, I'm picky but it's a good picky.  I have accepted the fact that I may not marry again nor be able to meet someone in a while.  I'm okay in my own skin.  I know I deserved much better in life even when I was married.   I don't need a man in life to complete me.  I also know that I would be a great catch for any man.  I'm educated, down to earth, honest, loyal, hardworking, and loving.  I have good and very strong character traits.  I know I worked hard at being a good wife to my ex.  He destroyed our marriage for his own selfish gain.  That's something that makes me stronger each and everyday.   I agree with other posters.  Get to know yourself first and utmost.  You need to know that you are worth being with someone that is right for you.  It will take time to find this out first.  When you do - you will be like me and truly ready to move on to a better life.

Kazmira222
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 11:21 AM

In a sense I believe my relationship was a lot like that.. He has cheated one me, a COUPLE times. But I always chose to push that aside, cuz there was always an excuse. (Tho I thought) He's a meth addict and for the longest time I blamed his reactions on that cuz he couldn't quit. Well, after finding out I got pregnant, he said a lot of things that seemed promising, but days, weeks, MONTHS started going by and nothing was changing. :/ It turned into lies most of the time and I never saw them coming. I had always had a a gut feeling that things wouldn't get any better, but I had always wanted to keep the hope. I loved him too much to just wanna leave him for his life issues. Well, ppl always had told me things and I chose to just not listen, but it finally came time that I did. He was only staying with me so that he could eventually later on change the baby's name to JUST his.. I am hyphenating it and he's never been to fond about that, but now that I've heard that I can't have him playing me like that.. And he was only sticking around cuz he felt he needed to. Plus, he admitted to still being IN LOVE with his ex, which I very much wish he would've mentioned BEFORE things got so serious.. And telling me he's been "clean" for 3 months, I was told he was smoking meth not too long ago. So at this point, I just couldn't take it anymore. I've waited and waited so long for things to possibly get better, but in all reality, I've been waiting for nothing.. Also, after getting pregnant, sex stopped, communication got worse, and he was purposely avoiding me. It hurts, and because I had suck strong feelings for him, I just went with it. But no more.. it took a lot out of me to chose to break up, but I knew it was for the best. And of course, he took it like it was a great thing. But now, I can't even get myself to wanna meet different guys or anything cuz I can't see myself doing anything with anyone else, hence why I feel a bit ruined. :/

Quoting steviechick:

I was constantly 'working' on my marriage.  On rare occassion I didn't have to, but I was married to someone very complex, headstrong and very incapable of being fully responsible.   I know that 'should of' 'could of' mentality but when you think you are 'set' in a marriage you don't think about something that inevitably came up in the end.  27 years ago when I first met my ex I never thought he was capable of cheating on me.  Of keeping it a secret for three full years.  Of creating two children with another woman.  I know I didn't have the perfect relationship but I at least knew that my ex wasn't capable of something as diabolical as betraying me.  I was in a co-dependent relationship for many years and I didn't even realize it.  I was miserable.  I wanted more but accepted what I got.  I've been doing what I can to stay sane.  I know what I want in my mate - someone completely opposite then my ex.  I wanted to go on-line and try to meet men but that wasn't my style.  I've seen pictures of the guys that live in my area and sadly they all look like losers, are too old for me, or guys I know would never work out (education).  Yes, I'm picky but it's a good picky.  I have accepted the fact that I may not marry again nor be able to meet someone in a while.  I'm okay in my own skin.  I know I deserved much better in life even when I was married.   I don't need a man in life to complete me.  I also know that I would be a great catch for any man.  I'm educated, down to earth, honest, loyal, hardworking, and loving.  I have good and very strong character traits.  I know I worked hard at being a good wife to my ex.  He destroyed our marriage for his own selfish gain.  That's something that makes me stronger each and everyday.   I agree with other posters.  Get to know yourself first and utmost.  You need to know that you are worth being with someone that is right for you.  It will take time to find this out first.  When you do - you will be like me and truly ready to move on to a better life.


miss_AP
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:52 PM

I think you said it right when you said "I know i must focus on me..." It sounds to me you don't know how to be alone, and you are not 110% comfortable and confident in yourself. Until you are....you will seek relationships for hte wrong reasons. You need to be a complete and whole person before you can get and give anything in a relationship......its hard....but worth it :) GL mama! 

Kazmira222
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 1:01 PM
Well I don't look for relationships either. Guys are asking me all the time to hang out and all I do is make an excuse to not see them.. I don't want a relationship unless its gonna be worth it. It just almost feels wrong to see and meet other guys. :/ I hope it passes.


Quoting miss_AP:

I think you said it right when you said "I know i must focus on me..." It sounds to me you don't know how to be alone, and you are not 110% comfortable and confident in yourself. Until you are....you will seek relationships for hte wrong reasons. You need to be a complete and whole person before you can get and give anything in a relationship......its hard....but worth it :) GL mama! 


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