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I really need some wise advice from experienced single mother to another young single mother....im drowing within my own walls of sanity

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:35 PM
  • 16 Replies

to anyone who would like to take the time to read this...

I like many here am going through somewhat of a tough time...I feel like i have no one I can talk to so i turned to this great support community. I am a single mother of a little girl who's a 1yr and 3 months. I moved back with my mother right before I had my daughter-my mom was almost beggin me to come back since i am her only daughter and this was her 1st grandbaby. I gave in and said what the hell-sometimes its good to accept help when its offered so I decided it would be great considering the circumstances me being preggos and all.I have been with my mom ever since and I have my own room with a nice closet and private bathroom which is great to have and I dont have to pay rent since my mom offered that I stay there at no cost. I recently went back to school since I had to leave after having the baby and took a short break to be with her at home the first few months. My mother kept telling me that i needed to finish school-which i already had planned to do anyway. She offered to watch my daughter ANY time that i needed her as long as she was available and offered all this help to me so i didnt have to stress over school as much. Now my situation is this...my mom has an illness which she'll be taking a treatment for (similar to kemotherapy-for 6-8 months) I would love to stay and take care of her but lately she's been verbally using things against me and I dont know what to do with it. She knows i am very dependant on her right now especially with school and the baby, she told me not to get a job that she would help me financially (especially since my daughters father give me no financial help).Once in a while she'll give me 100 bucks-which im thankful for but its not enough for both me and my daughter considering that I pay for all of her things. While im working on homework or something she will come up yelling at me why I cant get her this and that (so she doesnt have to do it) and Ill tell her not to yell at me that im trying to do my school work and need help with watchin my daughter at that moment if she could please do it herself. Then she'll huff and puff and stomp all over like its an inconvenience for her? What i dont understand is that if she volunteered to help out with stuff like that, then why is she acting like this? Not only this but many comments and actions similar and also using things against me like saying that im staying at her house and shes doing ME a favor and blah blah blah. Yes, she ius doing me a HUGE favor but i dont think its necessary to rub it in my face that i am staying there and taking a lending hand to better myself not for it to be thrown back in my face and feel bad. Its bad enough that im a single mom and am staying at my mothers house. I am a very independent soul and I am considering moving out on my own-would i be super witchy for doing so before her treatment? I would have to start all over but i feel like her place has a very negative vibe and just want out? I dont know if what i am going through is just frusteration but i need some advice, anything. I apologize for being all over the place but i really need some other point of views. Thank you for all ur time.

CafeMom TickersCafeMom Tickers

by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 2:35 PM

Welcome!

I wonder if your mom is feeling a little taken advantage of.  I know it's not your intention to do so, but sometimes we just get a feeling of no one is grateful for the things we do and it's possible that your mom is feeling that way.

Maybe sit down and write her a nice, heartfelt letter, letting her know how grateful you are for all of her help with the baby, a place to live, etc.  Maybe take some time to make a really nice meal for your mom, clean the house extra well, or something else that will make her feel appreciated and show that you really are grateful for the opportunities she's giving you.

(((hug)))

brieri
by Platinum Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 3:36 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

I don't know your exact situation, the best you can do is to sit down with your mom and discuss all issues about who is doing the child rearing, feeding the baby, who's making meals, cleaning house, going to school to finish etcc.  Write all things possible down and talk to her about what can make it easier for all in the household.

mytrueloveS
by Lori on Oct. 15, 2012 at 4:03 PM

My mom never took care of my son while I was at school.  I took care of him while doing my homework, even after she said she would help.  Also, try getting a part-time job if you need more money, I don't think parents should provide for us and our children.   Stay, your mother is helping you, my mother was like that when I lived with her.  I thank her for her help, and it made things much easier for me.  Talk to her if it really bothers you.  

3Dani75
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 5:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Your mother is ill, yes it's hard being a single parent but she offered to help as best she could, unfortunately she has since become ill & can't do all that she once could for you & your daughter. Have some compassion for what she is going through with her illness.

Your mother is supporting all of you right now so you really have no complaints. I really don't mean to sound cruel or make light of your situation but your mother also needs help right now with her illness!

She has been there for you like she said she would be, now it's up to you to step up to the plate & take care of things! Try to find some cheap childcare to help out with your little one while doing your schooling. I'm a single mother of 3 kids, one of them is disabled & I do it all with no help so I know there are ways for you to do it too...Good Luck!!!

Mommytoralin
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 6:48 PM

Sometimes parents get stressed I know my mom offered to help, but than after a while of me living there with my son she became irritated.  It wasn't that she was mad or anything she just didn't feel that I appreciated her enough, maybe just sit down and have a nice discussion without arguing or fighting.  She may be feeling overwhelemed with finding out she is sick.  I know that sometimes its best just to do the cleaning, and holding off on homework until your daughter is preoccupied or sleeping.  I understand it is hard, maybe look into a state assisted child care facility while you are at school.  I know my university had one (sorry not sure if your in high school or college) just while I was in my classes it was $10 a week for four days a week.  I now live on my own but I will say that I lived with my parents for about six months but I had to save up with working to move out.  If you need the help stay, but maybe help out around the house and do the little things for her so she doesn't have to.  Hope this helps.

nerdymom28
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 6:50 PM

 I would read your post if you put some spaces between paragraphs. That's hard to read....hurts my eyes.

shudderette
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 6:56 PM

Your mother is probably feeling the stress of having 2 extra people to take care of. She wants you there and wants to take care of you but it does create stress. That's why you are feeling the tension. It sounds like it would be best for you to continue to stay there. Good for you (you have a roof over your head and food in your belly), good for your mom (she gets to see you and her grandbaby every day) and good for your baby (she gets 2 loving caretakers) so I encourage you to do what it takes to make it work. 

Perhaps you can clean the house and make meals or maybe you can get a part time job to help cover some expenses. She might refuse your help, some people do, so you might have to just do it anyway.

SaraSnider
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 6:58 PM
I live at my parents house and almost every single day i say "thank you for everything" when my mom helps me brush my stubborn 17month olds teeth. Maybe just say you appreciate her a little more and then if she continues to be rude tords you just sit her down and explain how you feel.
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h_minkus
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:29 PM

Bottom line, you need to sit down and have a talk with her. Find out what would make this a better situation for her and what will help everyone be happier with the arrangment. 

towerjunkie1989
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:53 PM

I think part of it is the illness talking. She is afriad you won't become indepenant and she will pass away. One thing I can tell you to do is do your school work after your daughter is in bed. I am in college and I have three kids. Some nights I don't get to sleep till 3 am so I can do my classes(all online). I had to skim through your post so I will come back to it tonight after my kids are in bed.

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