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please help need some advice

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:15 PM
  • 13 Replies

hello, I am a 31 year old single mom. My daughter will be 4 on Oct. 31th, she has down syndrome. her father is curently not involved in her life he choose too. I founbd out that i am 4 weeks pregnant by the same father of my first. I am curently living with my parents, with no job. my daughter and i sleep in one bedroom. so you can say i am broke. I dont know what to know. i dont think that i can go through this pregnancy in the situation that am in. My parents are living in January to retired out of the country so i would have no one. i am stressing, crying everynight cause i do but i dont want to this. i really need some advice please help. m,y parents dont know that i am pregnant cause i was planning on having an abortion but thats something that i will regret and hate myself. but i cant put this baby through this. HELP!!!!

by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:15 PM
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by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:25 PM

I personally could never have an abortion either now that I have kids. Regardless of political or religious views on it, I would just feel like I was depriving my kids of a sibling, you know?

If it's really that bad, you could consider adoption? But I could never do that either...

All I can say is to have faith that everything will turn out all right. My 3rd was an accident, conceived on a whim in the middle of our divorce. But I'm so glad that I have him now, even though this would be a lot easier without an infant.

Hugs and good luck with whatever you decide.


Work from home LDS mom of 3 boys, ages 5, 2, and brand new!

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 7:51 PM
I would consider talking to your parent's. U can't hide forever and you need some support right now. They may be upset but they love u and will help you through this. I don't know your whole situation just offering some advise. Hope it helps and good luck.
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by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 8:05 PM
hugs. i hope it all works out for you. what you want to do now is apply for welfare benefits so you can have an income and food stamps for food. after you get an income, go to and click on rental assistance and fill out the criteria for the area you want to live in. there are apartmenxts and houses that will only require you to pay 30% of your income. plus they will give you deductions for the number of dependents you have to give you a cheaper rent. it is now october so i encourage you to start the next business day getting ready to move before your parents leave the country. if you need anymore help, feel free to send me a message.
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by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 11:59 PM
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Your 4 y/os father chose to not be a part of her life and gives you no assistance for her and youre pregnant by him again? Wow. First thing, if you have even one ounce of doubt about an abortion, do not do it. If you have doubts but abort it anyway, you will have regrets and be haunted by what you did to your baby from now on. Have you considered adoption? If you dont feel you can care and provide for this baby, there are thousands of people who would love to adopt and give the baby the life it deserves. The first thing you should do is tell your parents. They may surprise you and give you all the help you need. If they dont, there are lots of resources available to help you. You need to pray for guidance and think through your options and decide which is best for the baby. If you keep this baby, you need to take that louse of a father to court and make him pay support for both of his children.
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by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 12:04 AM

If you think that having an abortion is something you'll hate yourself for, don't do it.   I say have your child and wait; things will get tough for you, but as mothers, we find a way to survive.  

by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 12:12 AM
I couldn't have an abortion either. I would hate myself after.

I bet you wish you could go back and undo this pregnancy, huh? But you can't. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and move on.

So you have 2 other options, adoption or keeping it. Adoption would give another couple the chance of a lifetime, the chance to be parents. Think about how happy you could make them. Your baby will be loved and taken care of. The same for keeping it. You will love that baby and take care of it best you can. Things would be rough for you but you'll get through it and maybe be a stronger person because it.
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by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 9:05 PM
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You are definitely in a difficult position, and I can certainly understand the feelings and emotions you've expressed.  Any woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant is going to be anxious about the future, especially a single mom.  The decisions you make from this point forward are going to affect your life and the lives of other people in ways that you can't comprehend at present.  Everyone around you has an opinion about what you should do, but you are the one who will have to live with the consequences.  The important thing now is to make the best choice both for yourself and your baby.

I would encourage you to speak about this with a counselor.  I'm with Focus on the Family, and we have counselors you can speak with over the phone (at no cost to you).  They are available to speak with you Monday through Friday between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. Mountain time at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).  I hope you'll give them a call.  

In the meantime, I would also encourage you to take a look at the booklet Choosing the Best for your Baby.   You may also find a local pregnancy center by taking a look at the OptionLine website.

I hope this information is a help.  I understand that you are hurting and worried about what will happen to you and your daughter.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers in the days ahead.


by Member on Oct. 16, 2012 at 9:08 PM
So you got pregnant by a deadbeat not once, but twice?
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by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 9:40 PM
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Thanks for replying to my post. Adoption is not a option that I even had in mind. But I have decised to keep the baby. 

by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 9:53 PM
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Is this post intended to make her feel stupid? If so, take your bashing to the Mom Confessions group. This girl needs to hear encouraging words, jeez.

Quoting Aslen:

So you got pregnant by a deadbeat not once, but twice?

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