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Single Moms Single Moms

I need some advice,

Posted by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 6:14 PM
  • 9 Replies
I need some help, I just had my son 6 1/2 weeks ago, and the father of my son wasn't there through out the preganacy, and wasn't there when I went in to labor and had my son, I had kept sending him pictures of his son hoping he would come around, well he come around 3 weeks later, he had told me he has a new girlfriend that he was with for 6 months, he didn't tell his new girlfriend that he had a son on the way, tell a 3 weeks after our son was born

I don't know this girl, and he been pushing me to meet her, where I don't want to meet her because knowing he was with me and get the same time that's wrong, he been wanting to see his son, but he won't go with our his new gf, everything he has to do with his new girlfriend he cant be alone with me, he told me it was akward that when he is alone with me,
I am trying not to keep his son from him, i just don't want woman coming in to his life who may not be there forever and he said she is the one,
I just need help knowing if I have the right to keep my son from someone who I don't feel safe around, because I don't even know this girl, and she said she knows what I am going though as a single mother with a son,

He has only met his son once and that was for a hour, he won't sit down with me to do a parenting plan he wants his girlfriend there when it's planned, his girlfriend can't have say on what happenes to my son? It's only between his father and I, I just want to get sole custody. He is late on child support, he told me that he can't afford child support,

I had agreed to meet his new gf, but with out my son there, to see if I feel okay with her, ehh I don't know what to do :(


My sons father and I was never together I was a rebound for when he broke up with his exs
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by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 6:14 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Robsessed98
by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 9:46 PM
At this point you have every right to refuse to let the gf come over to your house, but once the parenting plan or court ordered visitation begins, you cant tell him who can or cant be around when he has the baby. Unless you can prove that the child is in some sort of danger around the gf, a judge isnt going to order her to stay away either. Its tough giving up control of who is around the child, but you have no choice but to accept it. It will get easier to let him go as time passes.
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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Oct. 18, 2012 at 3:44 PM

Congratulations on your new son.  I'm sorry the little guy's dad is being so dumb about parenting him.

Connorssl07
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 9:37 PM
In parenting plans you can have who he can be around and ect, but he isn't paying child support why should I let him have his son! He isn't help supporting me and his son, every choice he makes has to be with the girl, the courts don't care about third parties, they only care about the parents,
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Oct. 19, 2012 at 12:19 AM
Parenting plans involve the PARENTS not the gf/bf do everything legally maybe go through a mediator
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Oct. 19, 2012 at 2:03 PM

 you have no reason not to feel safe around her.

i see your point about him not coming around until now, and he needs to ahndle everything re: your child with you, she has no say. but really, you cant control who he has around your kid.

i think you should meet her, with out your son like you said. leave any feelings about how you dont think its right she dated him while you were pregnant to eh side. she didnt even know you were pregnant, remember? but, also make clear to the father that any dealings yo have, plans, etc is between YOU and HIM. she is welcome to be around on his time but you arent dealing with him through her.

i think you shoud make custody and support legal. it doesnt matter if he thinks he can afford it, you didnt make that kid alone. but never depend on it.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Oct. 19, 2012 at 2:06 PM

 no, you cannot dictate who is around the kid. you can have a morality clause which prohibits overnight visits until marriage, but you cant control who goes around during the day. and, morality clauses go both ways so someday when YOU have a boyfriend, he can tell you the same shit. also, the only way to enforce a morality clause is to go allt he way back to court and file papers, which is expensve and a waste of time.

Quoting Connorssl07:

In parenting plans you can have who he can be around and ect, but he isn't paying child support why should I let him have his son! He isn't help supporting me and his son, every choice he makes has to be with the girl, the courts don't care about third parties, they only care about the parents,

 

 
        
         

PaperClip811
by Silver Member on Oct. 19, 2012 at 3:19 PM

I think you're within reason. (except not feeling safe around her, that is a little over the top) You've agreed to meet her and agreed that he can see his child without her present, at least for now. The relationship between father and son needs to develop at this time.. there is no reason for this other woman to come around right now. Just sounds like an excuse to be a shit hole parent. If she wont 'allow' him to be with his child, then she most definitely is NOT 'the one'. 

Like PP pointed out, there will be a time when you simply cant dictate who the father brings around the child, so keep your head on about it. 

Connorssl07
by on Oct. 20, 2012 at 8:44 PM
If I get a boyfriend I do not plan on bring a new man in to my sons life that may not be there forever, if I am with a guy it will be awhile before I interduce a new guy to my son, I don't plan on having one for awhile, my son is my main worry, and making sure he is safe, but one day my son can meet his fathers girlfriend, I won't stop that, but I think his father needs to know his son first and be in his sons life, before a gf comes in.
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Oct. 20, 2012 at 10:46 PM
Unfortunately you really cannot say who can and cannot be around your child when he's not in your care unless a person poses a real threat to your child's well-being. No judge will sign off on something like that.

Child support and visitation are two separate issues. You cannot withhold visitation because child support isn't being paid.

If the dad is listed on the birth certificate, he has rights as the father. If he's not on the bc then he will have to fight you in court for them if y'all cannot come to an agreement yourselves.

I would go ahead and contact child support recovery and begin the process of determining child support. I would also speak with an attorney to begin setting up a parenting plan/visitation schedule.


Quoting Connorssl07:

If I get a boyfriend I do not plan on bring a new man in to my sons life that may not be there forever, if I am with a guy it will be awhile before I interduce a new guy to my son, I don't plan on having one for awhile, my son is my main worry, and making sure he is safe, but one day my son can meet his fathers girlfriend, I won't stop that, but I think his father needs to know his son first and be in his sons life, before a gf comes in.

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