My electricity got turned off today. I was waiting until Friday to pay it and it was only 7 days late. My brother went home and the lights were off and he called my parents. So now everyone knows. I borrowed the money from my brother (he pays half the rent but I pay ALL of the utilities plus the other half) to get it turned back on so they are in route to do that today.
I feel like the lowest shit on the earth right now. My dad called me about it and told me that he is going to go pick my son up from daycare and they will keep him today and tomorrow.
I have a CD that I've been using to save up for a house, but it didnt make sense to incur all the penalties for a measly $129.83. If I had known they would cut my damn electricity off, I would have just bit the bullet and paid it.
Its so embarrassing, ya know? My mom is always throwing it in my face that I picked the wrong guy to have a kid with. He hasn't paid CS in months. I have no idea where he is right now and last time I checked his phone was off. I refuse to beg him for anything.
I'm really good at pretending to have everything together. I don't ask anybody for anything. I was doing really well until the past two months but lately I've been struggling. I'm a really private person. Now I feel like once again, my failure is on display for the rest of the world. I hate myself right now. I hate my brother for telling my parents. I hate my ex for not paying CS.
I have to tutor tonight. I really don't feel like it but its not right to penalize someone else for my personal failure. If it wasn't for that, I would leave work early, go in my room and just sleep until tomorrow. I'm so frustrated right now.