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Responsibility and vows

Posted by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:33 PM
  • 27 Replies
So at 11 weeks pregnant my "husband" ducked out. Specifically "I don't understand you, we are too different, your too sensitive." cute right? So it's been a month and now he has decided that he didn't mean any of that and that he just needed time alone to "find himself" and figure out who he is. He still loves me, will be there for the kid, I'm the only one for him etc. he just needs time alone.

So, wtf? Money wise that's a nice thought, heart wise (because I love him) that's a nice idea, but can you do that? We've been married less than 1.5 yrs. been together only 2.5 so it's not like he's been locked down with me for years. How serious can your commitment be and how serious do you take vows if you think you can just walk out on it, because you want to? I can understand asking for time, but putting me down as an excuse and then booking?

Eh advice?
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by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JEM1983
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe it all hit him at once... marriage, a kid all of that freaked him out?.. mine up and decided that after 6 years, 3 kids, a house, multiple vehicles and a fantastic career on his end, he just wasnt sure what he wanted any more,and he wasnt the right guy for me and i wasnt the right woman for him... wtf.... so yea, i understand all that....  I would honestly say give it another shot.... you never know, he might surprise you and be there... or, he could just flake out again, for good. But if you both love eachother, stick it out hun!!!

hello_kitty25
by Member on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:47 PM

 Seems like he had something else he wanted to do and it didnt work out so hes back. to me anyways. id be pissed and want to teach him a lesson

strngenough
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:54 PM
No there's nothing else. We've been in contact. I get that he really did need the time. He's done better in this one month of therapy than the year he did it before. I guess I just feel like the marriage should have meant more. Like I should have been enough of a reason to work on it. Revenge sounds great most days though lol.


Quoting hello_kitty25:

 Seems like he had something else he wanted to do and it didnt work out so hes back. to me anyways. id be pissed and want to teach him a lesson


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Robsessed98
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:54 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds to me like maybe he was overwhelmed and paniced, then realized what he had and doesnt want to lose it. I know a couple of men that did the same thing. If you still love him, give him another shot at being a family.
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strngenough
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:56 PM
Wtf indeed. It's like you build the life they want and then they go "oh shit, do I really want this?" sorry that happened and thank you for giving me permission to do what I want instead of what I think I have to do. Sometimes we need permission.


Quoting JEM1983:

Maybe it all hit him at once... marriage, a kid all of that freaked him out?.. mine up and decided that after 6 years, 3 kids, a house, multiple vehicles and a fantastic career on his end, he just wasnt sure what he wanted any more,and he wasnt the right guy for me and i wasnt the right woman for him... wtf.... so yea, i understand all that....  I would honestly say give it another shot.... you never know, he might surprise you and be there... or, he could just flake out again, for good. But if you both love eachother, stick it out hun!!!


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ssenter
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:58 PM
2 moms liked this
I think he panicked with the baby men so that I'd say he has to prove it and hand him the good father parenting books the good husband books and how to take care of your pregnant wife books and see how he does. If he spoils you and does everything you need the I say go for it if not your better in your own getting alimony and child support. If you want some specific book names email me and I will send you some books I made my DH read before we got married.
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JEM1983
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 11:05 PM

Im not folloring what you meant by "sometimes we need permission"..... Men are really the weaker are more emotionally needy of our species lol... they tend to flake out when it somes to responibilities ( NOT ALL MEN) thats why its so much more common to hear that a child is fatherless, than motherless... but you have an opportunity I never got... he wants you back and wants to try. And lovie, thats priceless... 

Quoting strngenough:

Wtf indeed. It's like you build the life they want and then they go "oh shit, do I really want this?" sorry that happened and thank you for giving me permission to do what I want instead of what I think I have to do. Sometimes we need permission.


Quoting JEM1983:

Maybe it all hit him at once... marriage, a kid all of that freaked him out?.. mine up and decided that after 6 years, 3 kids, a house, multiple vehicles and a fantastic career on his end, he just wasnt sure what he wanted any more,and he wasnt the right guy for me and i wasnt the right woman for him... wtf.... so yea, i understand all that....  I would honestly say give it another shot.... you never know, he might surprise you and be there... or, he could just flake out again, for good. But if you both love eachother, stick it out hun!!!



strngenough
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 11:08 PM
Well that's an amazing idea and it would repair all my anger. However; he still needs to be alone. He's still not better (his report on himself). Shit timing right? There's no support right now just money. Hate to complain about that because I know so many here would be happy if the guy just did that. I asked him how long he will need. All I got is "not forever". I just never saw me like this. I never saw me so weak waiting on some guy to say "ok now I want you."


Quoting ssenter:

I think he panicked with the baby men so that I'd say he has to prove it and hand him the good father parenting books the good husband books and how to take care of your pregnant wife books and see how he does. If he spoils you and does everything you need the I say go for it if not your better in your own getting alimony and child support. If you want some specific book names email me and I will send you some books I made my DH read before we got married.

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strngenough
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 11:14 PM
What I mean by permission. Your guy cheats on you and everyone says "dump his ass." it's what you are expected to do. Sometimes your just waiting for someone to say, "do what your heart says."

Thank you for your posts they are very helpful. I don't suppose there's some follow up silver lining where you then found the man of your dreams is there? If not I wish that for you.


Quoting JEM1983:

Im not folloring what you meant by "sometimes we need permission"..... Men are really the weaker are more emotionally needy of our species lol... they tend to flake out when it somes to responibilities ( NOT ALL MEN) thats why its so much more common to hear that a child is fatherless, than motherless... but you have an opportunity I never got... he wants you back and wants to try. And lovie, thats priceless... 


Quoting strngenough:

Wtf indeed. It's like you build the life they want and then they go "oh shit, do I really want this?" sorry that happened and thank you for giving me permission to do what I want instead of what I think I have to do. Sometimes we need permission.





Quoting JEM1983:

Maybe it all hit him at once... marriage, a kid all of that freaked him out?.. mine up and decided that after 6 years, 3 kids, a house, multiple vehicles and a fantastic career on his end, he just wasnt sure what he wanted any more,and he wasnt the right guy for me and i wasnt the right woman for him... wtf.... so yea, i understand all that....  I would honestly say give it another shot.... you never know, he might surprise you and be there... or, he could just flake out again, for good. But if you both love eachother, stick it out hun!!!





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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Oct. 24, 2012 at 11:18 PM
How old is he? Seems to me he had a freak out moment and hopefully it is out of his system. I would rather he freak out BEFORE baby comes and then come to grip than after baby comes.
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