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don't know what to do.. so confused and feeling super stressed. please help

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hi all 

i dont know what to do.. 

i have a 4 year old daughter. 

she is the love of my life.

my daughters father doesnt see her.. and he has never paid child support.

when i fell pregnant with her.. he and i lived together..

when i told him that i was pregnant he was furious and called an abortion clinic right away, making an appointment for me,

he started to bully and blackmail me .. 

telling me that if i kept the baby he would kill himself..

that it would ruin our relationship

the pressure and bullying from him was horrible.. i couldnt take it anymore

so i told him that i couldnt kill my unborn child.. so he threw me out and told me that if i ever contacted him again.. he would  move and change all of his details so that i couldnt find him.

i had to move overseas to live with my family so that i could be in peace.

i moved back in 2009 as my parents wanted a relationship with my daughter. and to be honest i missed my friends and my parents. 

i asked him in 2009 if he would help out.. and he responded with 'i'd rather kill you both and then myself'

'i hope you and your kid both burn in hell'

anyways.. i am a full time student.. i am working my rear end off trying to finish my degree,,

i am also doing my required hospital prac..

money is extremely tight and it is stressing me out...

food, rent, bills, her school fees, my school fees.. 

its just overwhelming :(.

my daughter does a dancing class with her friends and has done for the last year..

she almost had to miss out this term.. as with food and rent ect i just could pay the fee..

i had to ask my parents for help.. so that she didnt miss out.. 

i felt humiliated.

he has a computer science degree and earns over 100 k a year..

he also got married to a teacher this year.. and they got married on of all days my daughter's 4th birthday.

so he isnt hurting for money.. but i am .

he should pay for half of her school fees.. half of her swimming lessons..ect

i posted on a local single mothers grooup website asking for help as he isnt listed on thebirth cert.. so i wanted advice

every single reply told me not to file.

a few people said that it wouldnt be fair to him to pay for a child he has had nothing to do with.

a few said that i made the choice to keep the baby knowing that he didnt want it.. so the responsibilty is mine alone.. 

some people said that... he has forgotten he has a kid so dont remind him.

dont ask him as you'll open pandora's box and regret it. 

find another way of getting money..dont ask him.

i feel so confused now.. 

i didnt make myself pregnant..

i am making myself ill trying to do everything..

why is it so bad to ask him to help out.. 

if he paid half of her costs.. that would be half i wouldnt have to try to find.. 

and it would be such a stress off me..

and i could put that money towards bills and food.. 

am i in the wrong?


by on Oct. 25, 2012 at 8:51 AM
Replies (51-54):
Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Oct. 27, 2012 at 1:18 PM
You need to file for child support. Your not going to get any help from him any other way.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
drbell
by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 4:06 PM

yea.. 

but im so scaredof the consequences.. 

im scared of the 'unknown'

he is married.. has a great job.. made a huge scene and forced all his family to cut my daughter off. 

so i dunno why he would risk everything.. his marriage, job, looking like a tool to his family and his wife's family by doing something stupid.. would he really go after visitation with her? i dunno

but... you know... he can threaten me and say what he wants about me..

but threatening a child.. is not normal

normal people.. may say stuff to their ex.. but they dont threaten their child.. 

that scares me.. as its just not normal.. 

i dunno what to do.. 

i dont know what the right thing is.. 

i wish i did.. 

im scared of not filing and regretting it.. and depriving my kid of support she is legally intitled to simplyly because i dont have the balls to stand up to him

or opening the door to the devil and him ruining my life..

i dont know what the hell to do :(

MarieFrance
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 3:13 PM

The only thing that stopping you from getting help is fear. For all we know, you will get child support and he will leave you alone and not fight you for custody. You might want to talk to someone with more knowledge in this matter. Best of luck! Start by getting some food stamps for you and your child and you can start the child support at the same time. Once you done with school you will soon realize you don't need the drama. Sometimes on your knees, praying to the one who can take your fear away and direct you will be a great start as well. Obviously you need this site to vent, since your family already advised you and you already know what to do. So vent, we are here for you.bow down

drbell
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 9:22 AM

OMG

just found out that my ex is having a baby girl in december..

feel bloody shattered :(

one chils is dead because of him.. the other one asks why her daddy doesnt love her..

but no.. he can love his new kid.. and be there for that one.. but mine

mine is treated as thought she has never existed.. and has been cut off by his whole family/..

so his new one.. gets everything..money, family

while they all leave mine to rot..

nice.. so how do i explain that she has a half sister.. who lives 5 mins away..

who is worshipped by him and his whole goddamn family

while she is treated like rotting garbage..

gawd my brain hurts :(

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