38 weeks pregnant, single, and in need of serious advice with the father...
This may end up being a VERY long post (I'm kinda needing to vent a bit, but I also need some advice as well!). I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my first child. When I found out, I was still with the father. I made the first OBGYN appointment and he made up excuses not to go to it. At around 12 weeks, I started spotting and was put on bed rest for a week. He didn't call, text, come over, bring me a flower...nothing to show that he was concerned and that he cared, so I left him. And I haven't been with him since.
Through my entire pregnancy, I've paid for everything minus the gifts from my family and friends. I have everything set up and prepared for my little one to make his/her big entry into the world. I did it all by myself. He ran back to San Antonio to go live with his mom (we both live in Texas, but he use to live in the same city as me that is 800+ miles away from where he's at now). He claims to be down there working to earn enough money to come back here, get an apartment, and be settled for the baby. Sadly, I know this is not true at all. I'm due in two weeks, yet he is still in San Antonio, after promising to come back before the end of October. He has nothing for the baby. Absolutely nothing. He refuses to send me pictures of this "amazing and expensive crib" that he has and sends pictures of his baby nephews swing (which is obviously his because he's older and the swing is all dirty and disgusting looking, as it should be if a little one is still using it) and expects me to accept it as something he's paid for.
He does have warrants out for his arrest, which I learned after I left him. It's nearly $1600 but it's for things like underage drinking (he's 22 and I'm turning 21 in about a month so you can see how old some of these charges are), drunk driving, driving with no license...wreckless things. While we were together, after I found out about my pregnancy, he picked me up to take me to meet his uncle and he openly drove his car and drank a beer with ME IN THE CAR (note: This was a few days before I started spotting, so this was also a major factor in me leaving). During our relationship before I got pregnant, I learned about his "past" cocaine abuse but then learned that he hadn't really left it in the past. He let it slip that he had done it on one of his many MANY nights out while we were together. Once, he left me at a night club downtown alone so he could go run a drug deal. Now, before you say anything, I wanted to tell you that yes, my self esteem was LOW. I thought I deserved nothing better than a drug addict because he made me feel that I was to fat and ugly for any other guy to want me. I now know that what he said is not true, but back then, I accepted everything he did out of the fear of being alone.
My questions are:
1) When I go into labor and the baby is born, do I have to tell him? He will not be in town for it, as I told you he is making no effort to move back anytime soon. Will I be fine (legally) if I just have the baby and tell him afterwards or not telling him at all?
2) If he does care enough to find out and he tries to take me to court for it, will he be arrested for the warrants? Will that also play a major role in custody?
3) If I tell him that the baby was born and he just shows up on my doorstep with his "posse" (mostly his cousins and fellow drug addict friends), can I call the police to have them removed from the property? I have no problem letting him see the baby, but I refuse to let him have his support system with him and I refuse to let him come into my house while I'm alone.
So sorry it's so long...I'm just really looking for someone to calm my nerves about all this. I think I do have the answers for these questions, but I don't think I'm thinking clearly enough to be correct about it all or maybe there's something I missed that I didn't think about. Thank you in advance!