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He is an idiot (EDIT)

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So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He has known my plans from the beginning. To be out of school and offer the little bit of govt. help I am getting before DS is 2. I told him that school, work, and a kid would take up a lot of my time. It would be hard but it would make life easier down the road. I also refuse to pawn my kid off on people so I can go out to the bars and crap. So when we are together it is pretty much sit at home.

Today he comes over and asks if I am happy. I told him I am content. He said he was unhappy. I just stated at him and waited for him to continue. He was complaining.g we never see each other because of my schedule and his 2 jobs. Then informed me that he couldn't give up a job. He tried to put it on me to change something. I can't because my son is my top priority and everything I am doing is to give him a better life.

He then says he wants to take a break. I told him no. He is either a part of this or he can leave. DS doesn't need someone bouncing in and out of his life when things get hard. If he is that unhappy then he can hit the door. I said that I would miss him but that it was better for me not to be with someone who bounced when it is difficult. If he wants to go out and party with someone then there are plenty of single mom's or childless women who would oblige but that is not me.

Guess he wasn't as unhappy as he thought since he decided to stay.

I was very proud of myself for staying calm and standing my ground.

EDIT: I understand compromise is important. So what do you think I should compromise? I spend my time going to school, working, and the little time I have left is split between DS, cleaning house, and about 5 hours of sleep.
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by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 6:49 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 10:25 PM

I understand your son is your main priority, like my son is mine.  My relationship worked because I took time off and dedicated time to my bf as well.   It goes both ways.  

by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2012 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this

I can see both sides (yours and his) of this.  I think that you both have to be willing to give and take or else it probably won't work in the end. Especially if one side is left feeling that they are the only one giving or sacrificing.  Good luck!

by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 11:21 PM
1 mom liked this
We do get Alone time at night, it just isn't going out. I have also been using up all my free babysitting for school and work. We very occasionally get some time out. We went out to eat and see ParaNorman one night. The problem is that I can't get any one to babysit for free and if we pay for babysitting then we don't have enough to do anything. I also feel like I am not spending enough time with DS as is because of everything I am doing. We are all having a hard time. He could get a better job. He is a great mechanic bit he just refuses. He expects me to change things for him that I cannot change right now but won't change anything on his end that is perfectly feasible.

I would love a night out too. It isn't like he is the only one who is going stir crazy. I just realize that I can't right now.

Quoting faerie75:

If you want a relationship to work, you do need to work on it. Couples need alone time without a kiddo from time to time. He stayed now but that's cuz he backed down. He is unhappy. Taking a few hours here and there for your mate is not "pawning your kid off".
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by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 12:29 AM
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Standing your ground is great and you have wonderful goals but if you want your relationship to work you are going to need to find some time to work on it. The fact that he has come to you and said he is unhappy is an attempt to try and make a change. I understand full well how important work is. Without money you have no home, food, clothing etc... You really should consider having someone watch DS every now and then so that you and your bf can have some time together. Too much time together is bad but same goes for too little time together. There is always a way to make time for things that are important to us.

by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 12:42 AM
Sounds lije your to busy for a relationship right now. Somethings gotta give on your end. You expect him to get a better job. What are you willing to do? Relationships take work... No time to spair, no working on relationship, it dies. Good for you sticking to your guns but my way or the highway usually leads to a dead end.
by Ruby Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 1:05 AM
Re the edit: I understand being stretched thin and you might not be able to do it right now. But don't play the hard role, just be frank and honest that you want to but can't right now. Same message, more humble delivery.
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by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 9:19 AM
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Good for standing up for yourself that's why I don't date I want as much time with my kiddo as I can get
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by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 11:00 AM

First of all, I'm VERY proud of you!!!  You are doing everything right!  He should respect your for having your priorities straight & putting your child first.  Compromise is necessary in relationships, but never more important than your child.  There's no do overs in parenting.  So many young mothers don't make the same choices.    It's one thing to get a sitter for special occasions, but we need to pick & choose, right?  KUDOS!

by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 11:21 AM
I work full time and have 2 kids. I work one late night and weekends and my parents watch the kids. My bf works nights, so we don't get a ton of time. But, you need alone time too! My mom was more than happy to watch the kids for 3 hours last night so I could go on a date with the bf. I rarely ask, so when I do, she's usually fine with it. Maybe once a month. I do have Monday's off, so I usually see him then since he goes to work at 4, but last 2 weeks he's had things he had to do. We needed that time together. My deal with my mom is I go after the kids are in bed. That way, I'm not missing time with them. Maybe try something like that? Good luck and I'm glad there are others who put their kids first.
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by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 1:02 PM

I was never in a relationship when I was going to school and work.  I started my current relationship when I graduated.  Sounds like you're too busy for a relationship.   

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