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He is an idiot (EDIT)

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So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He has known my plans from the beginning. To be out of school and offer the little bit of govt. help I am getting before DS is 2. I told him that school, work, and a kid would take up a lot of my time. It would be hard but it would make life easier down the road. I also refuse to pawn my kid off on people so I can go out to the bars and crap. So when we are together it is pretty much sit at home.





Today he comes over and asks if I am happy. I told him I am content. He said he was unhappy. I just stated at him and waited for him to continue. He was complaining.g we never see each other because of my schedule and his 2 jobs. Then informed me that he couldn't give up a job. He tried to put it on me to change something. I can't because my son is my top priority and everything I am doing is to give him a better life.





He then says he wants to take a break. I told him no. He is either a part of this or he can leave. DS doesn't need someone bouncing in and out of his life when things get hard. If he is that unhappy then he can hit the door. I said that I would miss him but that it was better for me not to be with someone who bounced when it is difficult. If he wants to go out and party with someone then there are plenty of single mom's or childless women who would oblige but that is not me.





Guess he wasn't as unhappy as he thought since he decided to stay.





I was very proud of myself for staying calm and standing my ground.





EDIT: I understand compromise is important. So what do you think I should compromise? I spend my time going to school, working, and the little time I have left is split between DS, cleaning house, and about 5 hours of sleep.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 6:49 PM
Replies (21-30):
Robsessed98
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 1:07 PM
I can see where you're coming from and you have your priorities straight. But, if you want to stay with this guy, you have to be willing to give some too. Theres nothing wrong with getting your family or friends to babysit sometimes so yall can go out and do things. There has to be compromise in any relationship.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 1:11 PM
honestly it sounds like you who needs to be on "probation" with this guy.

who even says that to somebody?

Bf sticks his foot in his mouth a lot. I do too. but we work together to make each other happy.

yes you have to work together to make the happy factor in the relationship.

I don't see where he threatened anything. he told you he wasn't happy and needed a break. you refused to listen. you made it your way or the highway


Quoting Kaya529:

I'll make a couple of sarcastic comments over the next 2 weeks and tell him he is on probation then forget about it.



He knows since it isn't the first time he stuck his foot in his mouth.




Quoting h_minkus:

I totally know how it is. And yeah, he should be mature enough to address the real issue rather than threaten a "break." Let it go now though, don't keep beating him up for it. Not saying you would, just a thought because I think I did that sometimes with my ex.

Quoting Kaya529:

I have been overloading everyone with babysitting for school and work as it is. I had been working on my friend about Wednesday night but hadn't mentioned it because I did not want to get his hopes up until I knew for sure.





He should have come to me and asked for us time rather then threatening to leave.






Quoting happymommy1105:

while I agree that you should continue to work towards your goals, relationships are about compromise.







you don't seem willing to compromise at all.







what's wrong with your mom watching your son for a night so you two can go out and be adults?







what's wrong with a friend watching him for an afternoon so Yall can catch a movie?







it can't be your way or the highway.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sjw87
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 2:38 PM

Maybe you could ask him like once a month if he will come over and clean for you while you spend time with your DS. And another idea is if hes great at working on cars spread the word maybe he can do a little work in trade for some free babysitting or cash.

Then the money issue wouldnt be a problem you would have spent time with your DS instead of cleaning the house and then you guys could plan at least one night a month to go out. Also make a list of cheap or free things you guys could do together. And some stuff you could do together along with your DS.

Kaya529
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 3:03 PM
I am not okay with people hopping in and out of my sons life. I will not compromise when it comes to,my DS. When I dayed a single father I felt the same way. If he had chosen me over his son or compromised what was best for him then I would have been dosappointed in him. I am not asking for my bf to do anything I would not expect from myself. He was welcome to leave or he could stay. He made his choice.

I have compromised. The other night he had a bad day so I gave up doing homework to sit with him after DS was in bed and had a beer with him. Yet he won't take a weekend night off work when my parents can watch DS. My best friend asked if he would watch DS so we could go out one night and he said no. Now he doesn't get why my best friend won't watch him so we can hang out. He has friends and family that would watch DS but won't ask them. I have tried and he won't budge an inch on anything. We spend time together without DS it just isn't out and about which he doesn't have money for either. Instead it is home watching a movie or playing games. I have even told him that if he needs time out then he should go hang with his friends which he has chosen not to do. Even my idiot exhusband was able to deal with a similar situation when we were saving for our wedding.

As for the probation thing, it is a joke. We laugh about it.

I may not have explained enough in the post but the compromising that has been done has been by me. I cannot compromise anything more. If he cares about me then he would be supportive or at least help me figure things out instead of threatening a break if I don't give him what he wants.


Quoting happymommy1105:

honestly it sounds like you who needs to be on "probation" with this guy.



who even says that to somebody?



Bf sticks his foot in his mouth a lot. I do too. but we work together to make each other happy.



yes you have to work together to make the happy factor in the relationship.



I don't see where he threatened anything. he told you he wasn't happy and needed a break. you refused to listen. you made it your way or the highway




Quoting Kaya529:

I'll make a couple of sarcastic comments over the next 2 weeks and tell him he is on probation then forget about it.





He knows since it isn't the first time he stuck his foot in his mouth.






Quoting h_minkus:

I totally know how it is. And yeah, he should be mature enough to address the real issue rather than threaten a "break." Let it go now though, don't keep beating him up for it. Not saying you would, just a thought because I think I did that sometimes with my ex.

Quoting Kaya529:

I have been overloading everyone with babysitting for school and work as it is. I had been working on my friend about Wednesday night but hadn't mentioned it because I did not want to get his hopes up until I knew for sure.







He should have come to me and asked for us time rather then threatening to leave.








Quoting happymommy1105:

while I agree that you should continue to work towards your goals, relationships are about compromise.









you don't seem willing to compromise at all.









what's wrong with your mom watching your son for a night so you two can go out and be adults?









what's wrong with a friend watching him for an afternoon so Yall can catch a movie?









it can't be your way or the highway.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Barblicious
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 3:08 PM

In my experience, 

Needing a 'break' is man code for I want to go have sex with other women.

Give him more sex and it might help.

But if he is all ready thinking of getting out with other women, it might be too late to turn him around.

All couples have a hard time finding time for one another when little kids are in the picture. A lot of men stray during this time because their sexual needs are no longer getting top priority. :( Good luck.

Chellie13
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 3:12 PM

Why doesn't HE find a babysitter for a few hours so that you guys can go out occasionally?  I hate it when the guys think they're going to date a single mom, and still leave everything on her.  In that case, he's got NO right to complain. 

I wouldn't have even let him stay after that one.  As if yoiu need stress like that.  

sophiesister2
by Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 3:17 PM
I think you handled that very well. Given the circumstances you shouldnt have to change anything for someone youve only been with for 6 months. Good for you for putting your son first
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Kaya529
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 9:05 PM
His sexual needs are being met. Anytime we are alone and DS is sleeping he gets laid. My needs are the ones being ignored. It takes me longer then his does and these episodes only work for him. I haven't gotten off in 5 months. He got off 2 days ago.

Quoting Barblicious:

In my experience, 

Needing a 'break' is man code for I want to go have sex with other women.

Give him more sex and it might help.

But if he is all ready thinking of getting out with other women, it might be too late to turn him around.

All couples have a hard time finding time for one another when little kids are in the picture. A lot of men stray during this time because their sexual needs are no longer getting top priority. :( Good luck.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 9:08 PM
it isn't his responsibility to find somebody to watch your child. its yours.

he shouldn't ask his friends or family to watch your child. that's just weird.


Quoting Kaya529:

I am not okay with people hopping in and out of my sons life. I will not compromise when it comes to,my DS. When I dayed a single father I felt the same way. If he had chosen me over his son or compromised what was best for him then I would have been dosappointed in him. I am not asking for my bf to do anything I would not expect from myself. He was welcome to leave or he could stay. He made his choice.



I have compromised. The other night he had a bad day so I gave up doing homework to sit with him after DS was in bed and had a beer with him. Yet he won't take a weekend night off work when my parents can watch DS. My best friend asked if he would watch DS so we could go out one night and he said no. Now he doesn't get why my best friend won't watch him so we can hang out. He has friends and family that would watch DS but won't ask them. I have tried and he won't budge an inch on anything. We spend time together without DS it just isn't out and about which he doesn't have money for either. Instead it is home watching a movie or playing games. I have even told him that if he needs time out then he should go hang with his friends which he has chosen not to do. Even my idiot exhusband was able to deal with a similar situation when we were saving for our wedding.



As for the probation thing, it is a joke. We laugh about it.



I may not have explained enough in the post but the compromising that has been done has been by me. I cannot compromise anything more. If he cares about me then he would be supportive or at least help me figure things out instead of threatening a break if I don't give him what he wants.





Quoting happymommy1105:

honestly it sounds like you who needs to be on "probation" with this guy.





who even says that to somebody?





Bf sticks his foot in his mouth a lot. I do too. but we work together to make each other happy.





yes you have to work together to make the happy factor in the relationship.





I don't see where he threatened anything. he told you he wasn't happy and needed a break. you refused to listen. you made it your way or the highway






Quoting Kaya529:

I'll make a couple of sarcastic comments over the next 2 weeks and tell him he is on probation then forget about it.







He knows since it isn't the first time he stuck his foot in his mouth.








Quoting h_minkus:

I totally know how it is. And yeah, he should be mature enough to address the real issue rather than threaten a "break." Let it go now though, don't keep beating him up for it. Not saying you would, just a thought because I think I did that sometimes with my ex.

Quoting Kaya529:

I have been overloading everyone with babysitting for school and work as it is. I had been working on my friend about Wednesday night but hadn't mentioned it because I did not want to get his hopes up until I knew for sure.









He should have come to me and asked for us time rather then threatening to leave.










Quoting happymommy1105:

while I agree that you should continue to work towards your goals, relationships are about compromise.











you don't seem willing to compromise at all.











what's wrong with your mom watching your son for a night so you two can go out and be adults?











what's wrong with a friend watching him for an afternoon so Yall can catch a movie?











it can't be your way or the highway.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amomynous_j
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 9:14 PM

sounds like you shouldn't be dating at all if you aren't interested in dating..

this is why it's important to wait a LONG time before introducing kids to partners.

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