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Im new not sure how this works but looking for help and friends and advice

Posted by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 10:48 PM
  • 14 Replies

Hi my name is Alisha I am 27 yeas old and i have a daughter Alexis who is 10 years old and will be 11 in jan and i have a 5 year old son Shady who will be 6 in just 2 weeks. I am sort of new to being a single mom i was married for 8 years but with the same guy for over 10 years. He started working a job that kept him away from home for months at a time and in the beginging we were doing fine and finally getting back out of debt and he was spposeted to quite once we got our heads above water again but the money was really good and he didnt wanna quite so after haveing the job for a lil over 2 years he switched companys and was stilling working on the road but was got even more then the last company and more money. He was with the company a lil over a year when i noticed he was starting to act diffrent and treat me and our kids diffrent he never hit us or anything but started treating us like we were no longer good enough for him and a few months of that i had finally had enough and told him he needed to find a job closer to home so we could get our marriage and life back where it was before but he said no and started hanging out more and more with the guys he worked with and his bosses wife ( who's husband rarley went out cuase he stayed home and watched there son while she went and partied with the other men he worked with) I told him i didnt like the things he was doing and he should think about what is more important in his life before he lost it after that i started seeing girls beeing added to his facebook page includeing the bosses wife and they started posting pics of them all together at the bars and it even got to the point these girls and the bosses wife were sending me private messages telling me what a great guy i had and i should get over th fact that he is hveing some fun in his life and there were worse things that had been said that i dont want to repeat but i finally broke down and told him it was either me and the kids or his new riends and parting needles to say he picked the friends and partying so i filled for a divorce shortly after he sent a pic of him and the bosses wife to my email and my daughter opened the message and saw before i could see it and delet it. I told him what he did and what our daughter saw ( lol tey werent naked just looked like she was sitting on his lap or really close and they had there arms around eachother) he said he was sorry and that he didnt know how that was sent to my email but never asked how are daughter was doing after seeing that. after we seperated he would call once in a great while to check on the kids and there was one nite our son wanted to talk to him so i let him call  his dad and when he answered the phone he had helled te phone up to the people yelling and screaming where he was at without seeing who was on the phone so my son gave me a weird look and handed me the phone and went to his room when my ex finally got on the phone i told him tht our son wanted to call you but becuase of what you did he may not wanna talk on the phone with you again and sure enough my son very rarley will talk to his dad on the phone and the same for my daughter. a few months into our seperation he stoped paying all thebills and i have always been a stay at home mom its what he said he wanted untill our kids were in school and becuase i droped out of school at 16 i didnt have any work history but anyways we lost the house we were buying becuase he no longer wanted to pay for a place he wasnt gonna be liveing and I had no money to try and save it even with a job it would of been to much for me to do alone so i had to move in to my parents and they live in a  bedroom trailer and my lil brother still lives at home so only 1 bedroom for me and my kids to share. when i was finally able to have a confersation with my ex and when we were somewhat getting alone i let him claim me and our kids so we could use the tax money to find a place of our own and i was able to find a good place i thought and with childsupport and saveing like crazy we got moved in and then my ex started calling and texting saying he missed us and wanted to tryand work things out but he didnt wanna give up the job or the new life style he had so he stoped talking to me again and when school started up i couldnt make rent and get my kids what they needed for school and so we had to move out and back in with my parents yet again after a few months at my moms my ex started texting and calling again saying how much he missed me and our kids and how he has changed and wanted me to take him back i told him i wasnt sure that i could and things would have to be diffrent and after a couple of months of talking and hanging out when he was home he had really seemed llike he had changed and was ready to give up the job and work on makeing us a family again we took things slow for a lil while and during the summer we went and spent the summer with him where he was working we had a good time and did a lo of things that we hadnt done in years and really seemed like we were starting to get our family back but when th summer was up we had to come home so the kids cold start school and we talked about getting a place together and he said if i could find something about an hour or so away from everyone so that we can have our time that we need then he would get us in the place and he would pay for rent and with my childsupport i would pay for the utilities and food and we would split the rest and anything the kids needed it took me 2 months to fina place and he started acting funny again but he kept saying i was just paranoide so i agreed and we got all moved in adn the nite i finally got everything in and most of our stuff unpacked i called to tell him and he was at the bar he said he was alone just wanted to have a couple beers and 2 weeks before that he had a cusin that came up to try and work were he is at at theyhad went to the bar and he got him going to a gyme up there. we got into a fight about him going to the bars again he got to where he wasnt calling everday anymore and we had been liveing in this new plce for about a week mabye a lil over and i had a gal stone that was bothering me pretty bad but it got to the point that i thought it had burst so i texted him to let him no i was going to the hospital cuase i knew he wouldnt answer his phone and called my lil brother to comeand get my kids for me but my brother was over an hour away and i needed to go fast so i called 911 and i was lucky enough to live next to a really nice yung couple that sat with my kids till my brother could get there when i got to the hospital they said that it didnt burst but i was going to have my gal bladder removed becuase it had a gal stone beig enough to bust it and i wouldnt of made it to the hospital in time they said cuase the ambulance ride is a 45 min drive to the nearest hospital i had been at the hospital day and most the next say and he finally called me right before or right after surgery i cant remember and asked me if i really needed him to come home and help me and the kids while i recovered i figured he would do that but was really hopeing i was wrong but i told him to stay there i would be fine. the doc said i cant be alone fore at least 48 hours and that i cant drive or do much of anyhing for 7-10 days so i could recover and get back to normal i came home that nite and didnt have anyone that could stay with me and my kids for the 48 hours so i had to take only enough meds to keep the pain from killing me so i could still be able to look after my kids i was on my 3rd day when i noticed that everyone but him had been calling to check on us and most people more then once a day so i called him and he said he already knew how i was feeling and he had been thinking about things the next day i got a text saying that he no longer felt that he could give me what i needed and that everything had been doing was for our kids but he wasnt really doing anything for our kids either other then giveing us the money to get into a home and my childsupport but thats court ordered and it has been 2 days since this has happened and im lost he left us the last time right after thanksgiving and when i say right after i mean the very next day he got on a plane to go back to work and said bye and didnt want me and the kids to sit and wait with him till he had to get on the plane and this time its 2 weeks before our sons bday and thanksgiving andchristmas right around the corner and my daughters bday and the day before he said it was over again he toldme to tell the kids he wont be here for there bdays again and he has missed the last 4 bdays our kids had and this will make his 5th. he finally called tonite but the kids didnt wanna talk to him so i let it go to voice mail and that has been the first time he has tried to call since he said all of that. I dont know what to do this time i had to get rid of a lot of things awhile back becuase i had no place for it and we are living i a house with no furniture and i have no money for my kidses bdays or christmas and he is talking like he may not pay for the rent now either becuase he thinks i am going to move in the first guy i meet but i didnt date or even meet any guys the last time we were apart and i havent since he left us this time either my focous is on my kids and how i need to go about getting things done and paied cuase i still have a few more days left before i am supposed to be able to start moveing around bt i have already been doing to much becuase my stomach hurts all the time and when one of the bandages came off the cut had reopened some all together i have 4 small cuts on the right side of my stomach.but i feel traped and the only place i can go is my parents house but its very cold here and they have no electric and i dont have the kinda money they need inorder to pay what is past due and get it back on and the shelters here only let you stay for mayb a week if that long the rest of my family hasnt offred and hasnt really had much to do with me since i told them and im not sure if they are at the i told you stage or what but i do get childsupport and i told them i would help with anything they needed but nothing and a really good friend of mine has also been the same way and i havent heard much from here in since i told everyone and im trying everything i can not to let my kids see im hurting. i go in the bathrrom and turn on the fan so they cant hear me cry and when they are home we watch movies adn keep busy so i dont start thinking of everything again. I have tried to be the best mom i can i rarley ask for help if i ask at all i dont do drugs i don drink and i make sure my kids have what they need before i think about myself and i grew up around a lot of drugies and drinkers and i dont want my kids to grow up like that. i dont have a high school dipoloma or my ged and i am still looking for someone to give me a chance so i can get some working history if anyone can give me any advice or anything kind of info please do and thank you for takeing the time to read this.

by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 10:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tyfry7496
by Janet on Nov. 5, 2012 at 10:56 PM
2 moms liked this
Apply for public assistance, get your GED and job skills through the public assistance office. Then get a job and support your children. DO NOT take him back again. He's using you and probably has a girlfriend where's he's working.
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tyfry7496
by Janet on Nov. 5, 2012 at 10:57 PM
1 mom liked this
And call your local Salvation Army. They have transitional housing for people in your situation.
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alicia9804
by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 11:19 PM

Thanks for the info and will deffanitly look it to those things and i dont have any plans on takeing him back and I told him we are going to go by the rules of our divorce which pretty much states i dont have to see him and when he comes into town which isnt very often he has to give me a 2 day notice of when he wants to have the kids and he gets them for 2 days but i alos have full custody and if i feel they are in any danger or are being hurt i dont have to let them go with him

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Nov. 6, 2012 at 7:56 AM
1 mom liked this
*hugs* sorry your going through this. Welcome.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Nov. 6, 2012 at 9:09 AM
1 mom liked this
Welcome! I'm glad you found us!
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michiganmom5150
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this
Sorry you are going through this. There are a lot of programs that will help you get your GED and possibly help you find work. Until then, I say go talk to someone about temp housing and foodstamps. There are also church groups that can help. Not sure where you are, so as far as what is there...good luck, stay strong and welcome:)
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easinpc
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2012 at 10:06 AM
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Welcome!

Robsessed98
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 1:23 PM
1 mom liked this
Welcome to the group. First thing you need to do after finding a place to stay is get your GED. Then you can get job skill training and get a job. The last thing you should do is take him back again. You need to start over with just you and the kids.
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alicia9804
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 12:41 AM
Thank you all very much I'm really glad I decided to look up this site and it's nice to know I'm not alone and that others who have been threw this or have gone threw something sorta like this that can give me some really good advice and let me know where the places are that help family's like mine.... We live in Missouri but I am hopeing that once I can get back on my feet and get me and my kids's life going good again that we would like to live in Arizona for a lil while
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PoplarGrove
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 12:54 AM
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You've gotten lots of great advice so I won't repeat it.

I just wanted to say I was in your position with the husband who works away and eventually found a "new" life.   It seems to happen a lot unfortunately.  (((((hugs)))))

Just keep telling yourself things WILL get better and DO NOT take him in again.  You are BETTER than that.  Be a role model for your kids (especially your daughter) and make sure they know a man is not supposed to treat a woman like that.  


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