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My relationship has had a lot of ups and downs... I'm more than 90% sure that my marriage is over and that there is no saving it. I have one daughter and am carrying his son. 

I just don't have many places or people to turn to for the support you need in this kind of decision so I thought I'd try this group and see if there is any words of advise anyone can share or what. :/ 

Follow my blog to read about my second pregnancy and the crazy, chaos that will be sure to happen with a toddler and a pregnancy! Toddler + Pregnancy = Chaos You can also follow my other blog about my first daughter at Everything Emeny

by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Replies (41-49):
manda-nicole010
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 6:31 PM

Some. Right now I'm trying to figure out how to go to the kind I need... its just expensive. 

I have a severe social anxiety disorder. I have so many issues going on that the psychologist couldn't fully determine whether or not I have Aspergers. He said "if we drew a hill and the top was normal you would definitely be at the bottom of the hill, I just can't tell if you are in that bottom 5% that have aspergers". He recommened narrative therapy where I could get help with a dissociative disorder and figure out a time line for my life because that's a lot of my problems... I went through terrible things and have never had help handling and healing from them. I have been told I have BPD, seperation axiety disorder, dissociative disorder and may have autism but that it could be a front I use to protect myself that comes off as autistic opposed to actually fully being autistic. :/

I need a lot of counseling and help. I just have to figure out how to pay for it.  

Quoting ittybit2012:

Divorce sucks. Have you gone to counseling by yourself?


Follow my blog to read about my second pregnancy and the crazy, chaos that will be sure to happen with a toddler and a pregnancy! Toddler + Pregnancy = Chaos You can also follow my other blog about my first daughter at Everything Emeny

AprilH06
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:09 AM

My husband asked me for a divorce this week, and while we have never had any violence in our relationship, I can sympathize with you. I am sure right now you feel like all your eggs are in his basket and you dont have a lot of options. That couldnt be further from the truth. Sometimes when we are emotional (I am right now too) we can't see the forest through the trees. You are strong, and capable and most of all you deserve to have sanity and safety and love, as do your children. Please take some time to find out about emergency help in your area. Child care assistance programs, food stamps, emergency housing. All of these programs exsist, just get online and search a little bit. Your primary concern should be your safety, you are a mom to 1.5 kids, who need you. Do not allow someone else to take you from them. Even if you can stay with a friend while you make more long term plans. Take it one day, or even one hour at a time. You will get through this!!

CaptainCookie
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:27 AM

 Honey, you need to leave. He is mentally and physically abusing you. My daughters father was that way. Once I left him, it was hard. But after a while I realized that I was so much better without him. And so was my daughter.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:15 AM
Welcome!!
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victoriahearts
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:16 PM

I'm sorry for what you are going through but it's pretty obvious whether you should divorce or not. I  understand that you want to help him and fix him but you can't, he isn't willing to work on myself and his problems so it's only going to get worse, he went from hitting things to hitting you, and sooner or later it may be your child or children in this case. He should put his hands on you but he definitely should not be allowed to get to a point where he could harm your child or children. I would leave and fill for divorce, and for your children sake I would ask family court to make sure they force angry management treatment and supervised visit at the very least.

manda-nicole010
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:28 AM

I don't think I would have felt conflicted about everything if was obvious. I have four years of our relationship to look as well, not just this past little while where things have really turned to a worse. 

I did make it clear that if he puts his hands on me or gets physical I will call the cops. He knows damn good and well that I will. He also knows that I have ways of taking care of myself and that my family will help me if I need it.

Since writing this post almost 3 weeks ago, we haven't things have done a complete 180. He is willing to go to counceling and my in-laws are helping us find a councelor through the church that can work with us. He hasn't lost his temper and is willing to try. So long as he follows through and the behavior doesn't start up again, I'm not going to ignore all the good times as well not to mention the 4 years of our relationship where he hasn't touched me. 

I'm not going to turn a blind eye and think things are magically fixed. I've talked to people about employment help down in my home town as well as living arrangements come the new year. But if he is willing to try then I would like to as well. I think the things going wrong with him are fixable if HE will do what it takes to fix them.  

Quoting victoriahearts:

I'm sorry for what you are going through but it's pretty obvious whether you should divorce or not. I  understand that you want to help him and fix him but you can't, he isn't willing to work on myself and his problems so it's only going to get worse, he went from hitting things to hitting you, and sooner or later it may be your child or children in this case. He should put his hands on you but he definitely should not be allowed to get to a point where he could harm your child or children. I would leave and fill for divorce, and for your children sake I would ask family court to make sure they force angry management treatment and supervised visit at the very least.


Follow my blog to read about my second pregnancy and the crazy, chaos that will be sure to happen with a toddler and a pregnancy! Toddler + Pregnancy = Chaos You can also follow my other blog about my first daughter at Everything Emeny

victoriahearts
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 1:21 PM

If you really think it can work out for you then by all means go for it, if you think you can forget and forgive the abuse , then I hope it works out. But I personally do not think I could forgive what you described in your post and move on with someone like. But I do truly mean it when I say I hope it works out for you.

Quoting manda-nicole010:

I don't think I would have felt conflicted about everything if was obvious. I have four years of our relationship to look as well, not just this past little while where things have really turned to a worse. 

I did make it clear that if he puts his hands on me or gets physical I will call the cops. He knows damn good and well that I will. He also knows that I have ways of taking care of myself and that my family will help me if I need it.

Since writing this post almost 3 weeks ago, we haven't things have done a complete 180. He is willing to go to counceling and my in-laws are helping us find a councelor through the church that can work with us. He hasn't lost his temper and is willing to try. So long as he follows through and the behavior doesn't start up again, I'm not going to ignore all the good times as well not to mention the 4 years of our relationship where he hasn't touched me. 

I'm not going to turn a blind eye and think things are magically fixed. I've talked to people about employment help down in my home town as well as living arrangements come the new year. But if he is willing to try then I would like to as well. I think the things going wrong with him are fixable if HE will do what it takes to fix them.  

Quoting victoriahearts:

I'm sorry for what you are going through but it's pretty obvious whether you should divorce or not. I  understand that you want to help him and fix him but you can't, he isn't willing to work on myself and his problems so it's only going to get worse, he went from hitting things to hitting you, and sooner or later it may be your child or children in this case. He should put his hands on you but he definitely should not be allowed to get to a point where he could harm your child or children. I would leave and fill for divorce, and for your children sake I would ask family court to make sure they force angry management treatment and supervised visit at the very least.



manda-nicole010
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 2:03 PM

And I may not be able to forgive him for it. He knows that as well. He knows I have night mares about what happend and that I'm afraid it will happen again. I also know that 2.5 weeks is definitely not enough time to tell if he is going to work on things or if I can move on. I'm just playing it by ear. 

Thank you. I hope that everything just goes the way it is supposed to and the best happens in the end... regardless of what the best is. I will not let him do that stuff to me again. He will find himself sitting in a jail cell and that I mean 100%. 

Quoting victoriahearts:

If you really think it can work out for you then by all means go for it, if you think you can forget and forgive the abuse , then I hope it works out. But I personally do not think I could forgive what you described in your post and move on with someone like. But I do truly mean it when I say I hope it works out for you.

Quoting manda-nicole010:

I don't think I would have felt conflicted about everything if was obvious. I have four years of our relationship to look as well, not just this past little while where things have really turned to a worse. 

I did make it clear that if he puts his hands on me or gets physical I will call the cops. He knows damn good and well that I will. He also knows that I have ways of taking care of myself and that my family will help me if I need it.

Since writing this post almost 3 weeks ago, we haven't things have done a complete 180. He is willing to go to counceling and my in-laws are helping us find a councelor through the church that can work with us. He hasn't lost his temper and is willing to try. So long as he follows through and the behavior doesn't start up again, I'm not going to ignore all the good times as well not to mention the 4 years of our relationship where he hasn't touched me. 

I'm not going to turn a blind eye and think things are magically fixed. I've talked to people about employment help down in my home town as well as living arrangements come the new year. But if he is willing to try then I would like to as well. I think the things going wrong with him are fixable if HE will do what it takes to fix them.  

Quoting victoriahearts:

I'm sorry for what you are going through but it's pretty obvious whether you should divorce or not. I  understand that you want to help him and fix him but you can't, he isn't willing to work on myself and his problems so it's only going to get worse, he went from hitting things to hitting you, and sooner or later it may be your child or children in this case. He should put his hands on you but he definitely should not be allowed to get to a point where he could harm your child or children. I would leave and fill for divorce, and for your children sake I would ask family court to make sure they force angry management treatment and supervised visit at the very least.




Follow my blog to read about my second pregnancy and the crazy, chaos that will be sure to happen with a toddler and a pregnancy! Toddler + Pregnancy = Chaos You can also follow my other blog about my first daughter at Everything Emeny

Robsessed98
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 9:40 PM
Welcome to the group. If you're certain its not fixable, its best just to cut ties and get on with your life. Its tough and it takes awhile to adjust, but you will be ok. Hopefully he will be amicable and help you, but if not you can do it alone.
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