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Should I increase CS?

Posted by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 10:08 AM
  • 60 Replies

My ex-husband has paid the same amount for CS since the order was first entered in 2000. Our son is now 15, and although I'm not paying childcare, I am paying for band, swimming team, and whatever else he may decide to do next. In the past his dad has helped with the extras so I left the CS alone. But, now it's a constant struggle to get anything "extra".

I'm currently unemployed (which makes paying for extras almost impossible!) and have an almost 3yo (by a sperm donor who may or may not pay his ordered $50 monthly because he's too lazy to work). My son's father is employed at the same place and now in management so I know he's making more than he was 12 years ago. He's remarried now and has 3 stepdaughters but, in NC, he's not legally financially responsible for them since their father pays CS. I really don't think they're hurting for money because they're always eating out, went to Florida/Disney world for vacation this year, plus he purchased a semi-new SUV so they could all travel together and his house should almost be paid for.

I don't want him to support me, or my daughter, but I feel like my son's getting screwed. His dad does everything for his new wife and stepkids. He rarely went to watch our son perform at halftime or competitions, usually calls to say he can't pick him up like he's supposed to because he has to get the girls or coach their softball or basketball when he was "too busy" to help while DS was playing, and he'll probably have reasons not to go to swim meets, too.

I'd "like" to raise the CS so I can make sure DS is able to do what he wants without asking his dad to help pay extra costs, especially since it's taken 15 years to actually put himself out there and be more active with school, but I don't know if it's worth starting a war with his dad. His dad isn't the type to bite his tongue, or even think before he speaks, so I'm afraid he'll take his anger about paying more out on DS and put him in the middle.

I'm seriously confused about what to do. On one hand, receiving more CS would help me pay for his extras and remove some stress here while I'm looking for work. A less stressed mom is a happy mom and a happy mom has happy kids. :) But, on the other hand, raising the CS could make DS time at his dad's pure hell. And, knowing my kid's going into a hostile environment, because of me, doesn't make me very happy :/

 

 

by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 10:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LancesMom
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 11:21 AM

Go back to court and get whats fair for you child. Good luck!

lnrmom
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 12:06 PM

Go back. It's time.

owl0210
by Bronze Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 12:07 PM

File a modification to increase it. 

strngenough
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 12:55 PM
1 mom liked this
I think it's going to create hate and discontent. You are coparenting. You should be able to talk to him about it. Adults tell their kids to talk and work it out, so we as adults need to do that too. Tell him about the cost, you losing your job, and letting him pay it to the school. If he gets snippy about it then ask if he'd rather get cs amended. If you just serve him then yeah he's gonna get pissed. I know I would. It would be hard to not assume you wanted more because your new kid is costing money too.
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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 1:12 PM

I agree with the advice of the other ladies, it's time for a modification.

AngeLnChainZ
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 1:14 PM
2 moms liked this

So you want your older childs father to pay more because you're unemployed and have a sperm donor who doesn't want to pay child support. How about going after the one NOT paying instead of the one who has been paying all along. Or better yet, you can get a job and help support your son in his ventures.

I volunteer to save lives; What do you do?

Mocking.Jay
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 2:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Or she can increase it because that's what the service are FOR.

I don't work, but being in school full time is a lot of work! I always laugh at people who tell me to get a job.

SMFH, some people are such martyrs!


Quoting AngeLnChainZ:

So you want your older childs father to pay more because you're unemployed and have a sperm donor who doesn't want to pay child support. How about going after the one NOT paying instead of the one who has been paying all along. Or better yet, you can get a job and help support your son in his ventures.

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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 2:56 PM
1 mom liked this

 i would contact him and let him know that you dont expect him to support you or your other kid, but that your son in common has extra curriculars that he deserves to aprticipate in, and that you really would like his cooperation, but if he cannot cooperate, then you will be left with no other choice than to have your support adjusted. he might get mad but oh well. if he acts salty tell him "at least i am giving you the option to do it voluntarily and not running to the courts."

michiganmom5150
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 4:58 PM
3 moms liked this
Here in MI, you are supposed to report a raise in income or a change in jobs, even if it's a promotion. They also review it every 3 years whether you want it or not. I'd go back. You have 1 child and he should be paying for him. He shouldn't take it out on your son, he is old enough to opt out of visitsion. So if he gets mad about it, tell the court ds would rather not go. Good luck!
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wigglesmomma22
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 5:16 PM

 I don't know...I probably wouldn't.  If you can get by now, I'd let it go.  I don't see $ worth causing such an uproar in his life.  IDK.  I think kind of differently about that though.  If you truly do need it, take him back, but if its for extras, I probably wouldn't. 

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