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Should I increase CS?

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My ex-husband has paid the same amount for CS since the order was first entered in 2000. Our son is now 15, and although I'm not paying childcare, I am paying for band, swimming team, and whatever else he may decide to do next. In the past his dad has helped with the extras so I left the CS alone. But, now it's a constant struggle to get anything "extra".

I'm currently unemployed (which makes paying for extras almost impossible!) and have an almost 3yo (by a sperm donor who may or may not pay his ordered $50 monthly because he's too lazy to work). My son's father is employed at the same place and now in management so I know he's making more than he was 12 years ago. He's remarried now and has 3 stepdaughters but, in NC, he's not legally financially responsible for them since their father pays CS. I really don't think they're hurting for money because they're always eating out, went to Florida/Disney world for vacation this year, plus he purchased a semi-new SUV so they could all travel together and his house should almost be paid for.

I don't want him to support me, or my daughter, but I feel like my son's getting screwed. His dad does everything for his new wife and stepkids. He rarely went to watch our son perform at halftime or competitions, usually calls to say he can't pick him up like he's supposed to because he has to get the girls or coach their softball or basketball when he was "too busy" to help while DS was playing, and he'll probably have reasons not to go to swim meets, too.

I'd "like" to raise the CS so I can make sure DS is able to do what he wants without asking his dad to help pay extra costs, especially since it's taken 15 years to actually put himself out there and be more active with school, but I don't know if it's worth starting a war with his dad. His dad isn't the type to bite his tongue, or even think before he speaks, so I'm afraid he'll take his anger about paying more out on DS and put him in the middle.

I'm seriously confused about what to do. On one hand, receiving more CS would help me pay for his extras and remove some stress here while I'm looking for work. A less stressed mom is a happy mom and a happy mom has happy kids. :) But, on the other hand, raising the CS could make DS time at his dad's pure hell. And, knowing my kid's going into a hostile environment, because of me, doesn't make me very happy :/

 

 

by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 10:08 AM
Replies (51-60):
BeachMommy07
by on Nov. 10, 2012 at 12:10 PM

If he is capable then you should pursue it. Good luck. I'm currently not recieving CS.

Quoting 828momof2:

It's the same in NC but it's not automatically reviewed. You have to tell them you want it reviewed before they will. Apparently they sent me forms in January although I don't remember receiving any and my address is correct. She said reviewing it wouldn't be a problem but I haven't actually talked to my case worker yet or received any forms in the mail to start the process. I know I should be grateful for what I do get since there are many moms not getting any support for their children but I know DS father is capable of contributing more than he is.

Quoting BeachMommy07:

I believe every 3 years or so the case can be reviewed. I remember my lawyer informing me of that in Pennsylvania




828momof2
by Member on Nov. 10, 2012 at 12:17 PM

Thanks! I hope your child's father steps up soon and starts supporting his child(ren). Sometimes I get $50 for my daughter but I think her father just quit again. Was going to have hers reviewed soon since the 3 year mark is coming up and he wasn't working at all when it was ordered but they don't have a current address for him and, for whatever reason, they can't send wage verification forms to the company who's garnishing his wages for cs. But, I guess not having an address doesn't matter if he's not working anymore.

Quoting BeachMommy07:

If he is capable then you should pursue it. Good luck. I'm currently not recieving CS.

Quoting 828momof2:

It's the same in NC but it's not automatically reviewed. You have to tell them you want it reviewed before they will. Apparently they sent me forms in January although I don't remember receiving any and my address is correct. She said reviewing it wouldn't be a problem but I haven't actually talked to my case worker yet or received any forms in the mail to start the process. I know I should be grateful for what I do get since there are many moms not getting any support for their children but I know DS father is capable of contributing more than he is.

Quoting BeachMommy07:

I believe every 3 years or so the case can be reviewed. I remember my lawyer informing me of that in Pennsylvania

 



mizhoward
by New Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 10:29 PM
I just was just recently granted my request to have cs raised from $166 per month to $369 and I adn't had an increase since dd's father was ordered to pay cs in 2004. Your son is 15 so e doesn't have to go visit if he doesn't want to. His dad ends to pay, so go for it!!!
828momof2
by Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 10:57 PM

Congrats on your increase! I'm sure it's helping you out A LOT! I'm still waiting to hear from the case working, or maybe I'm waiting for te papers to come in the mail, before we start the process. I guess they think since I waited 12 years to review, I wasn't in a hurry but they don't realize I've been putting it off and struggling for awhile!

It's true that DS is old enough to choose not to visit his dad but I doubt he'd ever do that. In my eyes, he's been treated like a 3rd wheel since his dad remarried 4-5 years ago but he still willingly goes. His room's very small, he usually gets blamed for things he didn't do because his stepsisters stick together, their mom sides with them and his dad believes his wife. Plus, they go through his things and play with his games when he's gone. If I was him, I wouldn't go. But, I know he loves his dad so I'm not going to pursuade him NOT to go; I'll just never force him to go. His therapist said the Aspergers helps shield him from rejection "normal" people experience, but her explaination made much more sense! lol I think Aspergers may also play a role in him not standing up to his dad and still going there despite being pushed aside. Atleast I hope Aspergers is shielding him from the efects of an inattentive father because if I realize he's screwing with his mental state, raising cs will be the least of his dad's concerns!

Quoting mizhoward:

I just was just recently granted my request to have cs raised from $166 per month to $369 and I adn't had an increase since dd's father was ordered to pay cs in 2004. Your son is 15 so e doesn't have to go visit if he doesn't want to. His dad ends to pay, so go for it!!!


mizhoward
by New Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 11:22 PM
It would help me out ifI got it, lol. I rarely got the $166 per month. My daughter is in a similar situation. Her dad is married and he treats his stepkids like they are his and doesn't do anything for her. He tells her that it is my fault that he can't do anything for her because of the cs and he doesn't even pay it.
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828momof2
by Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 11:40 PM

lol Sorry. DDs father has the same mentality with his other 2 kids and I'm sure he'll say the same when DD is older, if he even bothers to see her. Last year he told his son he couldn't get a Christmas gift or pay for basketball or something minor "because he was paying cs". That was the first month all year he paid paid of the ordered amount but he was definitely proud of it! I know I'm lucky DSs father has regularly paid cs, I'm just tired of the bs with him doing everything for his stepdaughters but the bare minimum for his biological son.

I explained to DS the cs process and how the court would determine what he should pay based on what he makes so what I "want" doesn't matter (if I could choose it would probably be less than what they say because I have no clue what his dad's making now and just want to be able to pay for my son's stuff, not have his dad support me or my daughter). DS seems to understand the process and knows I'm not doing it out of spite so hopefully things won't be that bad. If his dad was hurting for money I don't think he would have taken his wife and 4 kids (15, 13, 10, 7) to Texas Roadhouse and some other resturant this weekend.

Quoting mizhoward:

It would help me out ifI got it, lol. I rarely got the $166 per month. My daughter is in a similar situation. Her dad is married and he treats his stepkids like they are his and doesn't do anything for her. He tells her that it is my fault that he can't do anything for her because of the cs and he doesn't even pay it.


Armygirl2299703
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 3:13 AM

That be great if Medicaid there payed for braces. Ours will pay for ortho visits, just not braces. I don't have the teeth that needed straightened any longer anyhow. lol I had one too many shitty dentists who saw that medicaid sticker and didn't care for my teeth as they should've been so I've had a lot of problems over the last few years and have had to have a few pulled due to breaking and medicaid not paying for the level of repair needed. I wish I could afford to buy insurance for such issues but I couldn't even if I wanted to. I agree that if your ex can't give his time to his son he should pay more. I see it the same with my ex. It aggravates me sooo much that she can't go to ballet and such that she wants to because he won't help. Once he's back to work I'm filing papers right now. I need to talk to cs and see if they plan to go after his tax return...I should be off cash assistance completely by then and therefor it'll be mine. haha to that bastard.

Quoting 828momof2:

I think Medicaid pays for braces here. The only ortho who accepts Medicaid in my county has a 6-12month waiting list so I made an appointment with an ortho in a neighboring county. He said Medicaid should cover it but we're waiting for approval before starting things. I guess if they don't cover it, I'll add that expense in as an "extraordinary" expense when reviewing cs. I have a feeling it's going to get very ugly but I'm tired of being nice when he keeps being a jerk. Our actual visitation agreement that's filed with the divorce says he gets him every other weekend and a couple hours during the week but I let DS spend the night when school's out since he's remarried and his wife's there. I've also rearranged my schedule a million times to accommodate him NOT rearranging his schedule for DS. I'm his mom, it's what I do. :) But, the way I see it is if his dad isn't willing to give his time, he should at least give more of his money (that I'm sure he can afford) so DS is able to do what he'd be able to do if we were a couple. Not to mention I let him claim DS on his taxes this year (I didn't work so I wouldn't have benefited from the tax credit) and he agreed he'd help with school clothes and other things. He bought a few outfits, no jeans which is what he really needs, and told him he didn't have the money for his yearbook but when DS asked about eating out, his dad said "It's my money, I decide how it's spent". Looks like it's time the courts help him decide how to spend his money.


Quoting Armygirl2299703:


Quoting LancesMom:

Go back to court and get whats fair for you child. Good luck!


THIS! If he's making more money, he should be paying more anyhow since child support is based on income. I too need to go back to court but now the ass doesn't have a job. Just a heads up as well, you might want to look into Medicaid paying for braces. Typically they will pay for retainers, teeth needing to be pulled, fillings etc but not braces. This is why I was never able to finish getting the work done, and braces needed for my teeth :(  Go after what your DS deserves tho, I need to do the same and it look like I might be blowing my ex's cover on having an under the table job. But oh well, it's not paying child support because he doesn't get the concept of just going in or sending a damn payment.



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828momof2
by Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 10:00 PM

That sucks that dentists along the say have screwed up your teeth :( I'm sure Medicaid pays a fair amount and you know they jack up the fees for private insurance so there's no reason not to care for patients equally, at least in my opinion.

If my ex put our son first and helped out like he used to, I wouldn't even consider changing cs. I think the fact that it's been the same for 12yrs when I could've had it reviewed every 3 shows I don't just want his money (I doubt he'll see it that way but oh well!) Now, he doesn't even get him on all his regular days or try to make up lost time like he used to. And, when ds is at his dad's, the majority of the time he's in his room doing his own thing or wanding around the ball field while his dad coaches his stepsisters' softball team.

I'd defintely have cs reviewed when your ex goes back to work and mention intercepting tax returns. dd's dad owes a lot for his other 2 kids (that was one of the many surprises i learned about after i got pregnant) and she got a lump sum earlier this year so we're thinking it came from taxes. In NC if someone owes cs, they automatically take your taxes, they also suspend your driver's license and lock some up. But, I think they just arrest the parents who owe a little cs cuz they figure they'll pay it to get out and know the ones who owe thousands could care less.

Quoting Armygirl2299703:

That be great if Medicaid there payed for braces. Ours will pay for ortho visits, just not braces. I don't have the teeth that needed straightened any longer anyhow. lol I had one too many shitty dentists who saw that medicaid sticker and didn't care for my teeth as they should've been so I've had a lot of problems over the last few years and have had to have a few pulled due to breaking and medicaid not paying for the level of repair needed. I wish I could afford to buy insurance for such issues but I couldn't even if I wanted to. I agree that if your ex can't give his time to his son he should pay more. I see it the same with my ex. It aggravates me sooo much that she can't go to ballet and such that she wants to because he won't help. Once he's back to work I'm filing papers right now. I need to talk to cs and see if they plan to go after his tax return...I should be off cash assistance completely by then and therefor it'll be mine. haha to that bastard.

Quoting 828momof2:

I think Medicaid pays for braces here. The only ortho who accepts Medicaid in my county has a 6-12month waiting list so I made an appointment with an ortho in a neighboring county. He said Medicaid should cover it but we're waiting for approval before starting things. I guess if they don't cover it, I'll add that expense in as an "extraordinary" expense when reviewing cs. I have a feeling it's going to get very ugly but I'm tired of being nice when he keeps being a jerk. Our actual visitation agreement that's filed with the divorce says he gets him every other weekend and a couple hours during the week but I let DS spend the night when school's out since he's remarried and his wife's there. I've also rearranged my schedule a million times to accommodate him NOT rearranging his schedule for DS. I'm his mom, it's what I do. :) But, the way I see it is if his dad isn't willing to give his time, he should at least give more of his money (that I'm sure he can afford) so DS is able to do what he'd be able to do if we were a couple. Not to mention I let him claim DS on his taxes this year (I didn't work so I wouldn't have benefited from the tax credit) and he agreed he'd help with school clothes and other things. He bought a few outfits, no jeans which is what he really needs, and told him he didn't have the money for his yearbook but when DS asked about eating out, his dad said "It's my money, I decide how it's spent". Looks like it's time the courts help him decide how to spend his money.

 

Quoting Armygirl2299703:

 

Quoting LancesMom:

Go back to court and get whats fair for you child. Good luck!


THIS! If he's making more money, he should be paying more anyhow since child support is based on income. I too need to go back to court but now the ass doesn't have a job. Just a heads up as well, you might want to look into Medicaid paying for braces. Typically they will pay for retainers, teeth needing to be pulled, fillings etc but not braces. This is why I was never able to finish getting the work done, and braces needed for my teeth :(  Go after what your DS deserves tho, I need to do the same and it look like I might be blowing my ex's cover on having an under the table job. But oh well, it's not paying child support because he doesn't get the concept of just going in or sending a damn payment.

 

 


Armygirl2299703
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:46 AM

I think all should be treated equally as well. I'm just thankful for the last dentist I have because without him I wouldn't have my top front teeth. Everyone else wanted to pull them and he wrote off the xrays medicaid wouldn't pay for (even tho they approved fixing them) because without them he couldn't do a thing and then he fixed them. Sadly, he left the practice due to being treated like crap by coworkers.

I fully intent on have cs reviewed. I was going to do it and then he was fired and did jail time for stealing from work. He claims I just want money as well but his cs is based on his crappy $9/hr job he had back when our DD was born. I was granted full legal physical custody and the child support just a few days before her first bday :) The job he just lost he was making like $13/hr and only has his cell phone and car insurance (when he carries it) and rent ($300/mo) to pay. Work was literally like 2 blocks away so u can imagine the HUGE amount of gas he was using a week to get to work. haha

Lovely suprise after getting pregnant...NOT! I was with my ex for about a year when I learned his divorce wasn't final. I was pissed to say the least. But they have no kids at least. She is younger then I am and her way of telling him she wanted a divorce (I heard this from him as well as other family/friends) was by getting an abortion. If theres ever been an "oops" out there then the chick(s) have never come forward. Only way my DD is getting siblings is from me...thank goodness. Tho I have considered using my ex as a sperm donor (haha) and have papers drawn up by a lawyer that he has no parental rights. This of course is if I was single and a few years older because  I don't want to be having kids into my 40's by personal choice and don't want to have kids with just anyone. This too would mean DD had full sibling(s).

Quoting 828momof2:

That sucks that dentists along the say have screwed up your teeth :( I'm sure Medicaid pays a fair amount and you know they jack up the fees for private insurance so there's no reason not to care for patients equally, at least in my opinion.

If my ex put our son first and helped out like he used to, I wouldn't even consider changing cs. I think the fact that it's been the same for 12yrs when I could've had it reviewed every 3 shows I don't just want his money (I doubt he'll see it that way but oh well!) Now, he doesn't even get him on all his regular days or try to make up lost time like he used to. And, when ds is at his dad's, the majority of the time he's in his room doing his own thing or wanding around the ball field while his dad coaches his stepsisters' softball team.

I'd defintely have cs reviewed when your ex goes back to work and mention intercepting tax returns. dd's dad owes a lot for his other 2 kids (that was one of the many surprises i learned about after i got pregnant) and she got a lump sum earlier this year so we're thinking it came from taxes. In NC if someone owes cs, they automatically take your taxes, they also suspend your driver's license and lock some up. But, I think they just arrest the parents who owe a little cs cuz they figure they'll pay it to get out and know the ones who owe thousands could care less.

Quoting Armygirl2299703:

That be great if Medicaid there payed for braces. Ours will pay for ortho visits, just not braces. I don't have the teeth that needed straightened any longer anyhow. lol I had one too many shitty dentists who saw that medicaid sticker and didn't care for my teeth as they should've been so I've had a lot of problems over the last few years and have had to have a few pulled due to breaking and medicaid not paying for the level of repair needed. I wish I could afford to buy insurance for such issues but I couldn't even if I wanted to. I agree that if your ex can't give his time to his son he should pay more. I see it the same with my ex. It aggravates me sooo much that she can't go to ballet and such that she wants to because he won't help. Once he's back to work I'm filing papers right now. I need to talk to cs and see if they plan to go after his tax return...I should be off cash assistance completely by then and therefor it'll be mine. haha to that bastard.

Quoting 828momof2:

I think Medicaid pays for braces here. The only ortho who accepts Medicaid in my county has a 6-12month waiting list so I made an appointment with an ortho in a neighboring county. He said Medicaid should cover it but we're waiting for approval before starting things. I guess if they don't cover it, I'll add that expense in as an "extraordinary" expense when reviewing cs. I have a feeling it's going to get very ugly but I'm tired of being nice when he keeps being a jerk. Our actual visitation agreement that's filed with the divorce says he gets him every other weekend and a couple hours during the week but I let DS spend the night when school's out since he's remarried and his wife's there. I've also rearranged my schedule a million times to accommodate him NOT rearranging his schedule for DS. I'm his mom, it's what I do. :) But, the way I see it is if his dad isn't willing to give his time, he should at least give more of his money (that I'm sure he can afford) so DS is able to do what he'd be able to do if we were a couple. Not to mention I let him claim DS on his taxes this year (I didn't work so I wouldn't have benefited from the tax credit) and he agreed he'd help with school clothes and other things. He bought a few outfits, no jeans which is what he really needs, and told him he didn't have the money for his yearbook but when DS asked about eating out, his dad said "It's my money, I decide how it's spent". Looks like it's time the courts help him decide how to spend his money.


Quoting Armygirl2299703:


Quoting LancesMom:

Go back to court and get whats fair for you child. Good luck!


THIS! If he's making more money, he should be paying more anyhow since child support is based on income. I too need to go back to court but now the ass doesn't have a job. Just a heads up as well, you might want to look into Medicaid paying for braces. Typically they will pay for retainers, teeth needing to be pulled, fillings etc but not braces. This is why I was never able to finish getting the work done, and braces needed for my teeth :(  Go after what your DS deserves tho, I need to do the same and it look like I might be blowing my ex's cover on having an under the table job. But oh well, it's not paying child support because he doesn't get the concept of just going in or sending a damn payment.





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828momof2
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:55 PM

I learned a lot about DD's father after I got pregnant too. Gotta love surprises huh? lol The pregnancy was intentional, learning he was a lying pos...not so much. But, I'm done; no more babies for me! DS's father doesn't have any other bio kids but he remarried so DS has 3 stepsisters. But, I don't think he considers them "sisters" and hardly gets along with the older one who's 13 (he's 15). DD has another half bro and sis but we don't see them much cuz they live about 45min away and both are active in sports so it's hard to get together. But, my kids are really close so that makes me happy. Just hope they stay close and he looks out for her when she discovers boys. :O

Quoting Armygirl2299703:

I think all should be treated equally as well. I'm just thankful for the last dentist I have because without him I wouldn't have my top front teeth. Everyone else wanted to pull them and he wrote off the xrays medicaid wouldn't pay for (even tho they approved fixing them) because without them he couldn't do a thing and then he fixed them. Sadly, he left the practice due to being treated like crap by coworkers.

I fully intent on have cs reviewed. I was going to do it and then he was fired and did jail time for stealing from work. He claims I just want money as well but his cs is based on his crappy $9/hr job he had back when our DD was born. I was granted full legal physical custody and the child support just a few days before her first bday :) The job he just lost he was making like $13/hr and only has his cell phone and car insurance (when he carries it) and rent ($300/mo) to pay. Work was literally like 2 blocks away so u can imagine the HUGE amount of gas he was using a week to get to work. haha

Lovely suprise after getting pregnant...NOT! I was with my ex for about a year when I learned his divorce wasn't final. I was pissed to say the least. But they have no kids at least. She is younger then I am and her way of telling him she wanted a divorce (I heard this from him as well as other family/friends) was by getting an abortion. If theres ever been an "oops" out there then the chick(s) have never come forward. Only way my DD is getting siblings is from me...thank goodness. Tho I have considered using my ex as a sperm donor (haha) and have papers drawn up by a lawyer that he has no parental rights. This of course is if I was single and a few years older because  I don't want to be having kids into my 40's by personal choice and don't want to have kids with just anyone. This too would mean DD had full sibling(s).

Quoting 828momof2:

That sucks that dentists along the say have screwed up your teeth :( I'm sure Medicaid pays a fair amount and you know they jack up the fees for private insurance so there's no reason not to care for patients equally, at least in my opinion.

If my ex put our son first and helped out like he used to, I wouldn't even consider changing cs. I think the fact that it's been the same for 12yrs when I could've had it reviewed every 3 shows I don't just want his money (I doubt he'll see it that way but oh well!) Now, he doesn't even get him on all his regular days or try to make up lost time like he used to. And, when ds is at his dad's, the majority of the time he's in his room doing his own thing or wanding around the ball field while his dad coaches his stepsisters' softball team.

I'd defintely have cs reviewed when your ex goes back to work and mention intercepting tax returns. dd's dad owes a lot for his other 2 kids (that was one of the many surprises i learned about after i got pregnant) and she got a lump sum earlier this year so we're thinking it came from taxes. In NC if someone owes cs, they automatically take your taxes, they also suspend your driver's license and lock some up. But, I think they just arrest the parents who owe a little cs cuz they figure they'll pay it to get out and know the ones who owe thousands could care less.

Quoting Armygirl2299703:

That be great if Medicaid there payed for braces. Ours will pay for ortho visits, just not braces. I don't have the teeth that needed straightened any longer anyhow. lol I had one too many shitty dentists who saw that medicaid sticker and didn't care for my teeth as they should've been so I've had a lot of problems over the last few years and have had to have a few pulled due to breaking and medicaid not paying for the level of repair needed. I wish I could afford to buy insurance for such issues but I couldn't even if I wanted to. I agree that if your ex can't give his time to his son he should pay more. I see it the same with my ex. It aggravates me sooo much that she can't go to ballet and such that she wants to because he won't help. Once he's back to work I'm filing papers right now. I need to talk to cs and see if they plan to go after his tax return...I should be off cash assistance completely by then and therefor it'll be mine. haha to that bastard.

Quoting 828momof2:

I think Medicaid pays for braces here. The only ortho who accepts Medicaid in my county has a 6-12month waiting list so I made an appointment with an ortho in a neighboring county. He said Medicaid should cover it but we're waiting for approval before starting things. I guess if they don't cover it, I'll add that expense in as an "extraordinary" expense when reviewing cs. I have a feeling it's going to get very ugly but I'm tired of being nice when he keeps being a jerk. Our actual visitation agreement that's filed with the divorce says he gets him every other weekend and a couple hours during the week but I let DS spend the night when school's out since he's remarried and his wife's there. I've also rearranged my schedule a million times to accommodate him NOT rearranging his schedule for DS. I'm his mom, it's what I do. :) But, the way I see it is if his dad isn't willing to give his time, he should at least give more of his money (that I'm sure he can afford) so DS is able to do what he'd be able to do if we were a couple. Not to mention I let him claim DS on his taxes this year (I didn't work so I wouldn't have benefited from the tax credit) and he agreed he'd help with school clothes and other things. He bought a few outfits, no jeans which is what he really needs, and told him he didn't have the money for his yearbook but when DS asked about eating out, his dad said "It's my money, I decide how it's spent". Looks like it's time the courts help him decide how to spend his money.

 

Quoting Armygirl2299703:

 

Quoting LancesMom:

Go back to court and get whats fair for you child. Good luck!


THIS! If he's making more money, he should be paying more anyhow since child support is based on income. I too need to go back to court but now the ass doesn't have a job. Just a heads up as well, you might want to look into Medicaid paying for braces. Typically they will pay for retainers, teeth needing to be pulled, fillings etc but not braces. This is why I was never able to finish getting the work done, and braces needed for my teeth :(  Go after what your DS deserves tho, I need to do the same and it look like I might be blowing my ex's cover on having an under the table job. But oh well, it's not paying child support because he doesn't get the concept of just going in or sending a damn payment.

 

 

 

 


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