I need opinions... Sorry this is a long post but I want to give some back ground.
My daughter will be 3 in January. My daughter's father has ACCESS only. I have SOLE CUSTODY. Our Child Agreement was set up when she was 1 year old, and he had access days as Tuesday 7am - 5pm and Thursday 7am - 5pm.
He plays guitar and sings in cover bands in bars. So he can NOT take her weekends, due to his 'work' and since my current job is close to his house, he gets it easy by having me bring my daughter with me to work for him to pick her up. His current 'contract' is for Wed, Thurs, Fri and Saturday nights.
Since she was 2 years old, I have allowed him to take her Monday overnight and bring her back Tuesday. He fought me tooth and nail to get overnight. Monday he claimed was the best night for his 'work' schedule.
We've had battles over this, because occassionally I have Monday off work due to holidays, and he gets all bent out of shape at having to drive to my house (40 minute drive to my home from his and then 40 back again) to get his child. OR for instance when I had (Canadian) Thanksgiving. He accused me of stealing his day and called me a dictator - when it was actually him that refused to come pick up his daughter because it was too far to drive AND I offered him another day. He doesn't even celebrate holidays!
In fact I go out of my way to accommodate his schedule - for my daughter to be able to see him. Everyone thinks I am too easy on him.
Then this week happened - and this is what I need your opinions on.
Monday morning I texted him (like usual - we don't talk on the phone only text because he gets in trouble I guess? I don't know why?) so I texted him that I was leaving my house and on the way to my work with my daughter. Normally he responds with "OK" but this time he didn't. Some times he doesn't respond if he is in a pissy mood. So I drove to work. Texted him when I arrived, that we were there. No response. So I waited about 10 minutes then called him. I frankly had thoughts that he was in the drunk tank (it has happened in the past) but instead he answered, clearly stunned. I had woken him up. He rushed over and picked up my daughter.
Then on Tuesday when he dropped her off at my work, I reminded him that next Monday is a holiday for me. Here in Canada it is Rememberance Day and I have it off work. I just looked at him waiting for his reply. He said he guessed he would have to come get her from my house. I said fine. Then he said he had an offer to work that Monday night, so I suggested he take her Tuesday-Wed instead. He said that would be good because he only really has Tuesday nights free now. That sat funny in my head but I didn't ask about it, and we went on our way.
Then my daughter who talks very well, told me "Daddy leaved, to work, I sad." So I repeated it back to her as a question and she sadly said "yah". So I texted him, and just said that she said that, and suggested that he could have asked to switch nights if he had to work.
He texted me back saying it was a last minute gig from 10pm-12am and that she was asleep when he left and he left her with his girlfriend and for me to not suggest what he should do and get over him and his girlfriend. I don't have issue with him leaving my daughter with his girlfriend - which is what he is making it out to be. I am sure my daughter was okay, but she was upset that her dad left her. Clearly my daughter was aware he left, either awake when he left or woke up after he was gone, because she told me she was sad because he left for work.
And there in lies my issue with this.
His access days are to spend time with his daughter. He DEMANDED to have overnight, when technically we don't have a legal agreement for them and I gave him overnight on the belief that he would be with her during those nights because he didn't have obligations to 'work' in the bar.
In this case - HE CHOSE to leave and go to the bar to do the gig. He didn't HAVE TO, he decided to do it and leave his child. It was not necessary for him to leave for his 'work'. There is NO REASON he should have.
He decided to abandon his responsibility as a parent, to pop off to the bar, play a gig, get a few bucks and a bunch of free beer. THAT IS MY ISSUE with his actions. I also don't know how many times he has done this in the past. So now I am considering going back to our original legal agreement with NO overnights.
What would you do in my situation? Would you be pissed that he buggered off to the bar?